Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

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@Alsoplayspiccolo ds1 was like that too. I haven't spoken to ds2 apart from text. I don't think he'd be the same. But I'll see.

I'm sorry about DC who are rubbish at communicating.

I now realise that I was a bit like that when I went to uni, but that was before easy messaging (I did phone home weekly from a payphone).

On another story, DD has now at least completed a webform at the uni medical centre to request a repeat prescription. The surgery reception was closed due to staff illness, web-contact only! She somehow couldn't register for the NHS App (good idea for the future!)

At least she has tried, and we have the "emergency prescription" backup. She has promised to keep me informed. I am in the very fortunate position that it's the only thing I'm really worried about with her at the moment. She is loving classes and is being kept very busy with homework projects.

Obviously that was meant to say dessert, even if it feels like DD has left us out in the desert.
I really do hope it's a phase, and not actually the person she's become, because I don't recognize her - she's always been a bit prickly and sometimes slightly oblivious, but her current attitude is on a whole other level and definitely not what she's seen at home.

@Alsoplayspiccolo you are probably just going to have to give it time. I remember someone saying that when children are horrible to their parents it is because they are confident of your unconditional love, so can just dump on you. It will get better, start of university is a weird time. 💐

@Alsoplayspiccolo , @Oblomov22 - Sounds tough - especially when as parents we give so much. Hopefully they’ll both realise as time goes on….

Ds is being lightly communicative in that he replies to messages - albeit briefly - but he’s never a big phone communicator and I’d be more concerned if he was messaging us loads I think… He agreed to dhs suggestion of a call tonight so looking forward to hearing a bit more. First course social today so will be interesting to hear how that goes.

To those disappointed about level of contact or no contact with dc, you are not alone. In a way, I am glad like @Alsoplayspiccolo intimated, that low level contact means they are having fun. It could be worse, it could cries of loneliness down the phone every day (I know parents who are going through this) and that's a different kind of sadness. I think with the current mental health crises, not contacting home because, 'it's all so fun', is a good thing.
DS is exactly the same. Not a single phone call since he was dropped on Saturday, answers to the odd text have been very monosyllabic, eventually last night I got a bit frustrated and asked if he could just update on how he's been getting on since and he replied! 'I've been going to parties and making friends'. Well, that wasn't so hard but why they don't take the initiative to make contact I don't know. But I'm so glad, it's not a call to say, I've had nothing but OCD since you left me, come and get me!!

@Alsoplayspiccolo I feel for you, it is no doubt a phase she is going through and she will come out the other end, it just may take a while. That doesn't make it any easier for you now though

@Oblomov22 like you I pranced off to uni without a backward glance, I did phone home roughly weekly though. I think life is very different now, we are so much more involved in their lives than our parents were with ours. I also think our lot are particularly socially unaware due to covid and all the impacts of that.

DS is communicating in very short messages. Usually a two word answer to a questions with things such as "all good". I did specify I wanted a daily I'm alive text for the first few weeks. Much as I would prefer more communication, I see it as a good thing really as it means he is busy getting on with his new life and seems to be happy and busy. We no longer have findmyiphone enabled since a few weeks ago and a chance of phone so that is also hard not knowing where he is, but again probably a good thing long term.

We will hope for a phone call this weekend, fingers crossed!

My DS is answering texts but not giving a lot. We asked for FaceTime at the weekend and he asked why 😂. He did talk to us and seems better now classes have started, I think he is very tired.

I feel your pain @Alsoplayspiccolo @Oblomov22 DS will answer texts eventually, with one word answers, but has no concept of any worries I have about him/his mental health/his ability to sleep for days and not have a clue what's going on. He has contacted me to ask IT questions and to ask where his water bottle was (I'm actually quite good at finding his stuff for him from 100 miles away🤣) but not for general chit chat like I'll get from DD next year. I need to step back and not be so involved in the detail of his life but easier said than done. He has called his sister and invited her to stay in October half term 😊
I'm another one who skipped off to uni in 1990 without a care for what my parents might be thinking. My mum resorted to sending me a phone card in the post with instructions to phone home. I still don't call her very often but we do text a lot. Strangely I call my mum in law religiously, once a week.

@sazzy5 would be interested to hear how your DS is finding the course once he has a feel for it - I think it might be DS's 5th choice. Did your DS get an offer with a medicine PS or was it a Sports Science PS?

My texts are the typical and it;'s a bit sad given how affectionate and interesting DS1 actually is.

We are already on ' do I have to separate dark and white underwear?' type texts...

He does still send me his daily wordle score though!

@Monkey2001 he had the medicine PS, luckily he had written a lot about his interest in sport and body mechanics-so it wouldn’t have looked bad for the course. Your DS will not need a 5th choice, surely this year will be slightly less competitive.

@sazzy5 thanks, my DS also talks about interest in the human body starting from sport and excercise. I hope he won't need a 5th choice, but he wants to find a good alternative to medicine just in case and that course ticks a lot of boxes!

@Alsoplayspiccolo, @Oblomov22 & @Mummyinbeds sympathies too for the lack of communication. Though I did have a no. of texts from ds re. his online consultation with the dermatologist last night. Absolutely no answers to how r the lectures?, R u waking up on time?
Are you sleeping all the time?, How about your DSA appts/training? Etc.
Just got a sarcastic reply from him re. his Eczema!
@Mummyinbeds I think yours & mine could be twins. Mine likes a quiet life. Non-stop socialising is not really his thing. The other night he was playing just dance with his flatmates.

I'm sorry to hear about the poor comms from DCs, especially @Alsoplayspiccolo as that would upset me greatly, I resally hope it's just a settling in phase and she will come back to herself soon.

DS is swinging between ignoring texts to ringing us randomly as he walks across campus with nothing much to say except perhaps to moan about something. Today he called but I had to run out the door for a meeting and felt awful telling him I couldn't talk. I've tried to ring back this afternoon but he messaged to say he's in with 'law ppl' and will talk to me later. I think law ppl = tutor groups! 😄

How about your DSA appts/training? Etc.

Hear!hear!

I just had a facetime with dd. She's been out four nights in a row, but she's 'only' spent £60 so far, which to be honest isn't too bad for her. At home nights out are expensive as she usually has to get an uber home. She says she's not particularly tired, but she's only made breakfast once! But she promises she'll start getting to breakfast once lectures start.... She says the food in Rutland isn't great. Burritos that don't really taste Mexican for example, so she hasn't finished a meal yet! How are the other Nottingham catered lot finding the food? @heifer @Oblomov22 @mummyinbeds and anyone else I've forgotten!

Me! @crazycrofter DS says the food is appalling in L&W.

Ah sorry @JustHereWithMyPopcorn i couldn’t remember if your ds was in catered or self-catering! Ah well, I guess it’s character building!

@crazycrofter DS says food has been OK but not amazing. I think that translates to basic/poor

I get excited when I get a text from Ds. He has had it confirmed already that he can drop philosophy. He sent me a list of his electives he can choose from as he has to do 2 instead of philosophy. One elective he thinks he will pick is a philosophy one 🤣

@crazycrofter DS has told his sister that the food on Saturday was great. Friday was fish (shouldn't be served to humans in his view unless it's a fish finger) Last night was awful (pasta with mushrooms - not sure why he chose it as he doesn't like mushrooms) He has been to breakfast apparently.

@mummyinbeds has your DS bought any books? I'm having a slightly stressful text/voicemail convo with DS about the second-hand book sale where the guy selling them told him not to buy as they were out of date. he made him buy the Tort one as apparently that was fine and then he went and bought another one from the library. The ones he bought are not the same authors as the book list he sent me the other day but apparently these are the ones being sold to them. Arrrgh!

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn DS hasn't mentioned books at all. I'll grill him when I speak to him ( could be a while) I know that he doesn't do Tort until next year, because of the French part of his degree.

@icanbewhatiwant 🙋 Irish logic?
Books? I'm pretty certain they're not even thought of here.
@Alwaysplayspiccolo this must all be so upsetting for you. Hopefully it's just your dd's way of coping with all these new experiences. And she will come back to you with a newfound appreciation 💐