Thread 41 Corona Cohort - Autumn Adventures of our Adult Children

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

previous thread

@handmademitlove We did consider that! But our local GP will only send prescriptions to the local pharmacy, so we'd have to collect and post, which seemed a bit ridiculous. The university GP is on-campus and is closer to DD's accommodation than our local one is to our home, so we thought it would be more convenient for her. Time will tell.

Thanks Hatti. Turns out the online one was changed to in person at the last minute!

We had a registering with the GP drama today. DD has clearly gone downhill fast with tonsillitis but hadn’t registered with the gp yet. After a bit of faffing getting the online form done & then a few stressful phone calls for her (why are some doctors receptionists so unpleasant?!) she finally spoke to someone lovely who I will be eternally grateful to. She is now on antibiotics & her flat mates are staying in to keep her company having supported her through today’s drama & locating the pharmacy - she has hit the jackpot in terms of having some lovely people around her! I will be sending booze for them to say thank you!!

in other news DS is loving Swansea even though he has crap accommodation & they haven’t been able to use their catering cards yet. He rang for a chat at 2:29 this afternoon, forgetting that in the real world there was no way I was going to be able to do that! Texts over dinner will do though. 😊

I appear to be doing a law degree via WhatsApp (I already feel like I’m redoing chemistry A-level via the same medium). Apparently I can explain case law better than her lecturer!

DD and I chatted via text and photos this morning while I was on the tube going to work .. we had fun 🤩 she’s happy - been out until 3am, taking berocca without being prompted to give her a lift. College matriculation yesterday followed by theme night and clubbing, formal dinner and ceilidh tonight then uni matriculation tomorrow super early!

Had some time off today so had a daytime nap and then went to meet her personal tutor …… he gave them Kit Kats so she’s won over already.

Hoping to do a face time on Friday or weekend- she’s out every night and I’m at work in the day …

DS has stayed at our GP for now. They were happy to give him extra meds so that he doesn't have to get repeats as frequently, and most of his meds are only needed to be replenished once a year (Epipens). He's only 45 mins away anyway so easy enough to nip home or for us to pop up with his meds

@PhotoDad has your DD set up the NHS app? You can request repeat prescriptions and just click on them to re-order, doctor authorises and you can pick up a few days later. You put in postcode to choose chemist to collect from - we did it on holiday for an inhaler and it worked well.

DS has hit his first minor bump. He plays two sports to a reasonable level. It looks like the trials and first squad sessions completely clash. Be interesting if he has to choose only one. But maybe trials will make the choice for him?

@icanbewhatiwant loving the washing texts!
@photodad hope the prescription gets sorted. I wasn't sure about changing GPs but DS decided to get registered with a local one so he can get new inhaler when he needs one.

I have tried to avoid calling (don't want to be clingy mum) but he called DH today for a chat and DH got impression he was a bit homesick so I sent him a msg to say facetime would be lovely if he could fit one in. He facetimed me back (yay!) and I think he is a bit homesick which really surprised me as he is pretty independent. I think it's hit him that he's away from everything familiar and now doing it all for himself. Probably didn't help that hot water in his halls is broken too and wasn't fixed by 10am as promised! I think (hope) things will settle once lectures start. Anyway he's off out clubbing tonight with flatmates and a school friend and his flatmates at a freshers thing. He also had a nice long chat with DS2 who is missing him!
Are your younger siblings missing their uni freshers too?

My youngest claims not to be missing DS but when he called tonight and my phone was on the kitchen counter she grabbed it to say hello to him. I had a nice long chat with him after and helped with some admin stuff (DSA).

He is feeling fairly confident with the work and although he had a few things he doesn't quite understand he knows where to go for help. Unfortunately hockey training is going to clash with a lot of his field trips so he might not be able to go every week.

Ds hasn’t even contacted dd yet to see how she’s getting on! I told him to message her.. usually they keep each other in the loop pretty well. He says he’s not missing her! But then things are a bit weird living in someone else’s house so there’s no empty bedroom.

Hope your ds is ok @deuxgarcons . He’s socialising so that’s a good sign. I hadn’t realised but dd said in the first couple of days she was just meeting new people constantly which worried her as she didn’t think she’d make proper friends. Today’s 3.30am voice messages said she’s now spent more time with a few particular people and she’s starting to get to know them. She’s also met her more sociable floor mates and went out with them last night, so that’s a relief.

I'm feeling quite hurt how little correspondence we are getting. A few two word texts and 1 x 3 minute phone call - only when I called him on Sunday. Dh says ds2 was lucky to get a text from ds1. Dh thinks ds1 is selfish anyway. He's not surprised.

Not that I have any grounds for complaint because I ran off to university with barely a backward glance to my mum and only phoned sporadically.

But things have changed, parenting wise, and I've been very heavily involved in Ds1's life and revising and taking him to uni's etc, living through him vicariously so I don't know quite what I expected. but I expected more than this and I'm clearly having trouble adjusting to it.

@Oblomov22 sorry you're feeling hurt 😢I think it's probably fairly normal though, especially for boys. I know my ds would be the same, as when he's on camp he just ignores my messages. My dd has always been very communicative, wears her heart on her sleeve, has to tell us everything etc. But ds is the opposite; I have to take him somewhere in the car to get anything out of him!

That reminds me actually, when I was at uni, I remember there was a lovely couple from the church I went to that used to give us Sunday lunch. They had a boy my age at uni elsewhere and the dad told me that he used to pick him up and drop him back whenever he came home as his son communicated best in the car! I didn't get it at the time, as I used to be a little scared of my dad and definitely wouldn't have wanted a car journey with him. But in hindsight, perhaps long car journeys would have improved my relationship with my dad (it's fine now, by the way!)

I also think it means you've done a good job of bringing him up, as he's got the confidence to be independent - it's what we're aiming for isn't it! It obviously takes a lot longer with some than others.

Had texts but no FaceTime or calls yet but she’s crazy busy and so am I until Friday

Sorry you are feeling hurt @Oblomov22 💐It does mean you have done your job well. I think he’s just caught up in the whirl of freshers at the moment and you will hear more once things settle down.

DS is answering my messages as both DH and I told him he had to ! I’ve said I’ll need to know how things going a fair bit the first week then am happy to have a weekly chat. DD used to ring me every day for months to start with so very different.

@Oblomov22 It takes longer for boys to transition from being a child to an adult because puberty starts later (that is a physiological thing which a Paediatrician explained to me) and, whatever one particularly feminist friend tells me, I am sure that girls are generally more keen to communicate, although all are at different points along the communication scale. In their "teenage child" mode boys' communication skills can be very poor, but it gets better. DS1 has got into the habit of a scheduling a weekly WhatsApp video call at the weekend, during Covid he wanted more calls because he was lonely, but other than that I only hear from him if he has a question or something significant to tell me.

Of course you know that it is a good thing that he is happy and doesn't need constant contact with home, but totally understand that you feel you have been dropped. 💐

It was different for us. Dd was the one who went off without so much as a second glance and we hear from her rarely. Whereas ds sends regular texts, whatsapp messages and voicenotes about all aspects of his day.

Other way round for us too, DS talks to me a lot but I can hardly get more than a word out of DD for days on end, it took me three weeks to get a proper chat about how college was going. Our best chats were always in the car on the evening swimming runs, but she only swims locally now and walks so the opportunities are scarce.

I was the same @Oblomov22 I sailed off to uni without a backward glance but I agree things are different now, we don't have to queue up for phone boxes for one thing. He may get in contact more once he has settled properly, I had a few brief chats/texts with DS in the first week, very little in the second and more again in this (3rd) week. Also quite a lot of our chat is still around getting all the DSA stuff sorted.

Oblomov22, I was just coming on here to post the same about DD.
We FaceTimed her last night, which was the first time I’d spoken to her since she left 10 days ago.
She couldn’t have been more unfeeling and it’s left me feeling horrible.
She made a point of saying she didn’t feel even a tiny bit homesick, was having a fantastic time, wasn’t interested in asking anything about us and home, and definitely did not welcome us asking any questions about how she was managing.
She smirked and sneered at everything I said, and then announced in a bored voice that she had to go because she and her flatmates had plans for making a desert.
She honestly may as well have stuck one finger up at us; she clearly believes she’s living her best life and we have no place in it.

@Alsoplayspiccolo sending a hug 🤗- one conciliation is she’s not crying down the phone wanting to come home but I’m sure you are very hurt at the moment.

Thanks All. Mine is not that bad. My expectations were too high I guess.

@Alsoplayspiccolo Big Hug to you. That's hurtful. ❤️

That’s tough @Alsoplayspiccolo 💐I think I have said before , DD was really not pleasant to me shortly before her 21st and it was really hurtful. She’s really really embarrassed about her behaviour now and has been very apologetic about it. All in the past now but horrible at the time.

@Oblomov22 ds1 rarely messaged to start with. He isn't that sociable around others and only had a small group of friends. So I was worried how he'd get on at uni. Then when I didn't hear anything I'd worry even more. Ds2 promised he wouldn't be the same. I know he will just get on with university life anyway and he's always made friends with anyone, so I know I don't need to worry so much. I only get messages when ds2 wants something, like when he was at the laundrette yesterday. I won't hear again now until he wants something else. I think it's probably a boy thing. Ds2 always claims that he doesn't do text to anyone ruse and all his Snapchat's etc knock my messages off his screen. So he doesn't know I've messaged. Of course he knows.

That's hard for you @Alsoplayspiccolo 😢I'm sure you know deep down that it's a phase and she doesn't really mean it, but it must be so hurtful. She obviously wants you to think that she's independent and doesn't need you. Maybe it's a reaction to needing you so much over the last few years? She'll come round in time.