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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Original poster

Thread 40 - Corona Cohort , Falling into Autumn 🍂

983 replies

CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee · 14/09/2022 07:43

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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EwwSprouts · 21/09/2022 16:16

@Monkey2001 Getting there but still a lot of clear floor.

Monkey2001 · 21/09/2022 16:21

EwwSprouts · 21/09/2022 16:16

@Monkey2001 Getting there but still a lot of clear floor.

I don't think he has been there a week yet....

DontCallMeBaby · 21/09/2022 17:00

I swear DD’s room would look almost as nice as that pic if she arranged it (the room has reasonable bones, including wood-effect laminate rather than the bobbly carpet in the online pics). But when we left her it was far from unpacked, and when we FaceTimed at the weekend she gave us a quick virtual tour and it looked like a bomb had gone off. I shouldn’t be surprised, she was pretty untidy at home, but also not a patch on me at the same age.

Today I get this from my mum:

“Just heard from DD. What’s wrong? X”

Um, what??? Turns out DD is ‘quite ill’ and has told my mum but not me. Trouble is DD is a massive hypochondriac (has never had a minor sniffle in her life, always a ‘really bad cold’), but also liable, like most of them, to cover things up. So I have no idea how ill she is, as she’s not responding to WhatsApp (this is very much par for the course) … hang on, have now received actual essay from her!

Thing we forgot to send her with if not too late for others - cheese slice. I ate a LOT of cheese on toast at uni, cheese is expensive and goes further with a slice than a knife.

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 17:23

@Fiddlersgreen HSBC card arrived finally. Only problem is it’s a credit card!!!!!!!! I’m in some bad dream

ealingwestmum · 21/09/2022 17:36

Blimey Singing, hope DCat is going to be ok, hideous timing!

DontCallMeBaby, hopefully she’s hammed it up for your mum, and that it’s nothing more than the sniffles.

This bypassing (the other way in our case) is strange. DD texted earlier to say wtf, Aunty x is now sending me command strips via Amazon. WHAT are these, I need nothing more?! And aunt keeps telling her to call her whenever, night or day, as mum and dad are busy, very busy indeed.

Will be asking DH to rein his family in a touch when he comes home.

ealingwestmum · 21/09/2022 17:39

Wow Benji that’s an interesting mistake! I’d actually keep it, given how difficult it is to build a credit record these days, so long as she knows to clear it every month?

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 17:43

I applied for the student card via Money Saving Expert so I k know it’s not her mistakes. The card didn’t arrive so I chased it up and they sent another and this is it. I’ve just spent 30 mins in a phone queue only to be cut off. She wants the £100 that Hsbc student card offered. May as well get it quickly if she is going to drop out!

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 17:44

I used to work in banking and we had to answer in 3 rings. Customer service has gone to pot.

PhotoDad · 21/09/2022 18:07

Here's an unusual problem for you... Should I try to persuade DD to spend more money? She's been living very frugally in her first two weeks, cooking simple rice/pasta dishes, and doesn't drink. She's made a monthly budget which is less than her income. I don't think she'll be happy spending more until she's completed a month and convinced herself that she is doing OK, but I really think she should go out for a meal with friends now and again! Or should I leave her be..?

singingstones · 21/09/2022 18:12

I think she is approaching it in her own very sensible way and you should let her continue to work it out. A trial month of frugality is a really good idea before splashing out. I wish DS was that considered, he'll most likely be skint by Halloween.

ProggyMat · 21/09/2022 18:17

@PhotoDad Id transfer a tenner into her account and say it’s for a meal out with mates.

PhotoDad · 21/09/2022 18:19

ProggyMat · 21/09/2022 18:17

@PhotoDad Id transfer a tenner into her account and say it’s for a meal out with mates.

@ProggyMat That is an excellent idea!

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:25

£10 in Cambridge won’t go far!

Fiddlersgreen · 21/09/2022 18:26

@Benjispruce4 oh my how?! What a nightmare.
still no telephone security number here so can’t set up the banking app, DS will have to phone them but he wants me there and we are hardly ever home at the same time.

re: the vacuum bags, do they make the items inside very creased? Was thinking of transporting DS’s clothes that way but worried they’ll be all screwed up

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:27

@Fiddlersgreen it came with a telephone banking security number in a separated envelope. They haven’t called me back after being cut off. If it wasn’t for the free £100 I’d not go near HSBC’s again. I’m

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:34

@Piggywaspushed we still haven’t had the York uni accommodation deposit of £200 returned. Do you ah e a contact number ? I think you said you’d had yours . Was it just returned to your bank? Been over a month since results day.
I spoke to private accommodation company and they said DD would need to contact Uni then them with proof that she was leaving and they would only charge for weeks in accommodation. She double checked that for me. I hope that’s the case.

DontCallMeBaby · 21/09/2022 18:36

@ealingwestmum sore throat and exhausted - went to bed at 10 😮 last night and had just got up from a 3 hour nap when she messaged me. Hasn’t got any covid tests … probably just freshers flu though.

Fiddlersgreen · 21/09/2022 18:40

@Benjispruce4 did you get everything today then?
DS got 3 separate letters all on Friday, bank card, PIN number and confirmation letter but no security number

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:41

i got a HSBCtax confirmation letter yesterday- not seen one before then cad today plus telephones banking code.

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:42

Ugh phone keyboard too small.

Fiddlersgreen · 21/09/2022 18:48

Maybe still in the post then but would have expected it by now. But then shouldn’t be surprised after waiting so long for the account to be approved etc.
DS is also after the £100. I bank with HSBC and never had a problem before

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 18:48

They said they sent the student card on 3/9!!

Fiddlersgreen · 21/09/2022 18:52

So she has student card AND credit card?

Benjispruce4 · 21/09/2022 19:02

No. She has a credit card only, received today.We did not ask for a credit card. She has no income. Still waits for the student card.

Fiddlersgreen · 21/09/2022 19:09

That’s so odd, can’t understand what they’ve done there

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