Thread 40 - Corona Cohort , Falling into Autumn 🍂

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

Yes I had to be guarantor or they wouldn’t accept her. It’s not a house though .

Sorry to be negative but a friend’s son gave up within a couple of weeks and because he was in private halls they had to pay the whole year’s rent 😬

Great.

Just wanted to say thank you to those that responded to my last post the other day re DD being horrible. She moved on very quickly and is fine now, we found a balance re me helping and leaving her to get on with it, she is back to her normal self. I had a chat with DH about it as he heard it kicking off when he was upstairs. He pointed out that I should just let her vent a bit and not try to defend myself or argue at the time which just fuelled her fire. Speak to her later rather than there and then, I agree but it's easier said than done! ?

Really sorry to hear about those not settling in, I really do hope things improve. Got to admit to having had to stop reading WIWIKAU at the moment as finding it hard to read about so many students struggling as it makes me worry more about DD. It's totally different on here where I feel I "know" people and want to know how their DDs/DSs are getting on. It's important that people here can be open and honest how they are feeling. There is a lot of support here.

I am struggling to sleep currently; got SO much I feel I need to tell DD but can't overwhelm her. We are off on Thursday and nothing packed yet.. That will be done today. She will be home in 3 weeks time for hockey black tie do, so don't feel so stressed re forgetting something. I want this time to be chilled and enjoyable and the drop off to go well (I am very concerned it will be the opposite). We are off out to Mowgli (DDs favourite restaurant) tonight before we leave for uni tomorrow...

Re Freshers week - it looks like Nottingham uni have a good compromise with Welcome Week as DD has a lot on next week during the day and events booked for the evening so she won't have much time to feel longely (hopefully). It's the first few days I worry about. She will have to sort out her IT then (laptop and printer still in the box)....

Re Contact time, DD can't see her timetable yet but previously mentioned 18 hrs contact time with 18 hrs self study time.

@Alsoplayspiccolo How are you feeling now? I'm sorry you didn't get the drop off experience you wanted. I have a feeling DD will be the same, I think it might be easier for her to vent off and have us leave in a huff than dealing with emotions so am expecting similar. Have you spoken to your DD now and all sorted?

@crazycrofter How is your DD enjoying her Christian meet up? I think my DD sent her a snapchat message the other day so hopefully they can meet up if they want to.

Good luck for anyone going today (is there) and good luck for Nottinghams going tomorrow/Fri/Sat. You know I will be looking at all the Mums tomorrow to see if I can tell if they are Mns ;-)

Really feel for your dd Benjispruce4 - I remember feeling at odds with the people on my floor in halls but met good friends over the course of the term. But the people on my floor were just 'not my type' rather than actively off-putting, and I was happy with my course and uni. I'd want to leave in her shoes, I think.

Had to laugh at the 'quiet' flat with the euphonium and tuba players .

Dd is off for a 'goodbye' winding up meeting with her school counsellor this morning, then blood tests later. Up with the lark, unusually.

@heifer dd seems to have made some friends - and there’s two lads there in Rutland although she hadn’t yet spoken to them when she mentioned it yesterday! She said she’d heard from your dd, so hopefully they’ll both feel a bit more ‘networked’ by the end of the week! Hope your drop off goes ok. I can also imagine ours going the way of @Alsoplayspiccolo . Dd was stroppy enough on Monday when I dropped her off!

@Benjispruce4 hopefully you’ll find a way out if need be, but thought you should be aware. This was in Sheffield not Nottingham.

I'm so dead jealous I've threatened to kill ds1 and put him in the boot of my car. Then at drop off tomorrow I will present myself as him. Of to Uni I go.....

Thanks Decorhate, I think PT work is her plan, once she gets a handle on her timetable. She says it’s quite a weird concept, going out mid week and recharging over the weekends but, that the quiet will actually suit her when most have gone home.

Like Photodad, I can still see her location via Findmypbone. I don’t intend to use it forever, but it’s so reassuring to have right now that she’s getting home safely albeit late (circa 3am last night), and that she must be out with SOMEONE friendly enough in the small hours! And she’s enjoying not having to pick up Uber costs because she’s so close to everything to walk.

I hope I will get back into regular sleep soon too. I am keeping a pragmatic game face on for all and asking my in-laws to just give her space and time to settle (omg they’re so over invested right now calling her everyday), they don’t realise I miss her too but the hearing a family voice naturally draws out the negatives from her, and then they all start to spiral on her behalf. I know, they mean well, she’s too polite to say to them LEAVE me alone! And DH needs to stop over sharing 🙄

@Benjispruce4 I think a chat with student services might be sensible at this point. They are likely to know what has happened to people previously with the private halls situation .

Unlike nice Heifer I can't bare to read WIWIKAU atm. Woe-is-me-Mums : Missing them I can cope with. Not sleeping, not eating, crying all day every day and not going to work. I want to tell them to 'Get a FUCKING grip'. I can't read it atm, it's really pissing me off.

@Heifer I'll give you a nod tomorrow. We are early, 10am, so Your'll be coming in as I am leaving I think.

Hehe Oblomov, I am adding to my post that me lack of sleeping is due to 4 years post menopause with the nightly body heat of an erupting volcano still 😂

Hi I wondered if it would be ok to join you? I dropped my DS off Sunday, he’s struggling to settle and I came across this group whilst looking for ways to help in the middle of the night! He is a fairly shy and socially awkward guy with very low self confidence. He’s tried so hard to throw himself in and put himself out there, he’s in a large catered hall but seems to be back in his room soon after dinner saying that he’s spoken to a couple of people but nothing sticks and everyone else seems to be making friends and having fun. Last night he was so down, saying there must be something wrong with him. He doesn’t drink so feels that singles him out. Reading some of your stories of others struggling to settle has reassured me a bit that he’s not unique but I’m at a loss as to how to help him.

lol at nice Heifer - I forgot to mention the totally over the tops parents but then a part of me is slightly worried that could be me next week!! ;-) I really don't think so tbh, I will cry I'm sure at some point but certainly not all day and I can't imagine telling work I'm not coming in as DD has left me. - can you imagine!

yes I will miss you I think as our slot is 2-3, I will be catching the train at 10.00ish am as only room in the van for DH & DD. Hope it all goes well for you.

Hello Understartersorders You are in a good place here, many wise posters!

No contact from DD, Heifer. 😔
DH Whatsapped her on Monday to ask how it’s going, but she only replied to ask how to re-heat Chinese takeaway, and further messages from him went unanswered.
Same yesterday.

I can see from Whatsapp that she was last online at 5am, which almost certainly means she was coming in at that time.

ADHD plays a huge part in her behaviour; she won’t understand the effect her behaviour is having until long after the hurt is done, and then she will defend by attacking.
I don’t know how to approach her, given that nothing we tried before she left worked. I know her MH will take a beating if she tries to hold out on not contacting us; we’ll probably get a very distressed call in a few days, with her in complete meltdown.

PaddingtonPaddington, that sounds like a tough day for DD. It’s hardly surprising she got out with the pianist, given the short notice to prepare; she won’t have been the only one, I’m absolutely certain of that. I can’t imagine she’ll miss out on opportunities as a result, so try to reassure her of that.
If it’s not too outing, which department is she in - wind, brass, strings, percussion? There are department accounts on Instagram, which might help her/you get a feel for them and reassure her.

@Alsoplayspiccolo that sounds so difficult- for you and probably for dd in a few days 😢 At least she must be making friends and getting out so that’s a positive.

@ealingwestmum I’m impressed by your dd - another one doing all the right things despite the difficulties.

Welcome @Understartersorders , I hope your ds starts to settle soon and finds people he connects with.

I forgot to mention how lovely to hear you sounding so zen in one of your recent posts @Zebracat , long may it last!

@ealingwestmum
I have that too.
I was awake at 4am, unusually boiling hot, thinking about my PAYE account at work that I can't reconcile..

Anyone having a last minute panic about things the haven't bought? I have been muting WIWIKAU on FB for the past month as I found it annoying, it has come back full force and all these rooms with lovely decorations are making me feel a bit inadequate. DS doesn't really have any of that, he's not super sentimental about things and doesn't like cushions etc. so his room is probably going to be a bit prison like! I'm also spotting useful things in other peoples rooms but it's a bit late now seeing as we're heading off at the crack of dawn tomorrow.

Thank you Crazy.

Has your DS signed up to any clubs of interest yet Understartersorders? It just takes one new friendship breakthrough to feel a little better, doesn’t have to be the hall mates?

I wouldn't worry @JustHereWithMyPopcorn - my DD moved in on Sunday morning and only got round to unpacking her suitcase last night! There's no sign of her carefully packed fairy lights, or the photos she agonised over choosing to print! Her cushion was only taken because the desk chair looked uncomfortable, not for aesthetic reasons.

If anything has been forgotten, there's always Amazon.

Welcome @Understartersorders - which uni is your DS at? When do his lectures start?

@JustHereWithMyPopcorn I was exactly the same leading up to our drop off but it was totally fine. If they wanted all that stuff they would have been sorting it or asking for things by now and if they get there and realise that there are decorations or accessories they need, they can sort it. I wanted everything to be just right from the first day but my dd has enjoyed making her room her own over these past two weeks. Hope all goes well for you!