Thread 40 - Corona Cohort , Falling into Autumn 🍂

[CinnamonOrangeCremeBrulee]

This is a support thread for our young adults post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting, and their results ( or life updates for those who went into work or have had results earlier). It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, uni vs employment please don't within this thread.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue. We were previously on the secondary board and then further education, now we shall be here in 'Parents of Adult Children' gulp

Our DS/DD may continue down various pathways ( employment, apprenticeships, higher ed). Be warned there might be lots of 'Uni Freshers' chat this time of year. My experience is that everyone is welcomed wherever, whatever their child is doing we have some in work, gap years , apprenticeships etc too. Lots of contributors with different experiences and always sympathy and support to be had !

On something

Ermmm...mind boggles as to what clingfilm was for...

Maybe he’s a dealer!

@Benjispruce4 oh no, wtf. That is rubbish. I guess it’s available everywhere, so we have to trust our DC.
@Piggywaspushed no sleep here, only cried twice so far today, not such horrible crying either. So I think it will get easier. DS 2 said he will be off soon, which obviously made me feel more miserable 😂. Luckily work is mega busy, so no time to rest.

It’s all such a culture shock to her. She’s no prude, goes to parties and pubs and the odd club at home.
She found the course introduction this morning and was 90% girls but all arrived and sat in groups apart from one other girl who she tried to talk to and a lad that arrived late. She said it was like school as a lot of the girlie groups swapped gum and talked through the lecture. Then a girl from her sixth form walked in, NOT a friend. . I think this is only going one way.

Wow Benji; your DD is being very cool around all the drugs, mine would be having kittens inside. I’m am keeping my fingers crossed that yours will find more people to get on with as time goes by, her attitude with such a rocky start is admirable.

DD has got lucky with her flat mates. But, they are all older so where she comes home to a tidy kitchen, they won’t be her social group for going out. Struggling with many things, and at first, was really disappointed not to have got a room at the official Trinity Halls. But now, 35 mins via public transport from college/centre vs her 10 mins via walking to her halls is paying off, especially for lunch breaks and night time. Lots of Americans, not many Brits. So far at least.

So society sign-ups is her next strategy to widen the connectivity. Audition for Symphony Orchestra and joining language clubs is the start point, with swimming and netball for sport.

Her words of it’s bloody hard work having my I’m friendly face on full time mum is uncomfortable to hear, but each day is getting a little easier. Looking forward to academic schedule starting next week for her.

X post with you Benji god it sounds like it is getting worse for yours.My DD talks of girl cliques too. I was naive to think they’d all grow up a bit…

Oh no benji, it's like everything that could go wrong is going wrong - surely her fortunes will change soon. What a trouper she is though, still putting herself out there. It will pay off eventually but must be such a worry for you

I know. We have seen her in a different light. I think she is looking about and realising these are not her people, the uni or at least this campus is not for her. I can hear her detaching so I think that makes it less painful for her. She’s talking about a gap year and possible retakes. There’s still time for things to change but I don’t want her to stay somewhere that makes her unhappy. It’s not worth her mental health.

@ealingwestmum is this Dublin? Must be hard being far away. Did you have a DC at Durham? I remember your name.

Oh, god, Benji, resilience is one thing, but she shouldn’t have to put up with feeling uncomfortable/intimidated in her flat.
Would she consider asking to move and then giving it a bit longer to see if she finds her people? Or do you think she’s already sure that it’s not for her?
Bo shame in that and I think it’s a good thing to be able to trust your gut and recognise what it is you don’t want.

@Benjispruce4 it might not be too late to switch to a different university? Especially as some haven’t even started yet. I think I suggested Leicester back in August - mainly because I went there and I’ve been to an open day with dd. It’s a friendly uni and not one that attracts big cliques/has a particularly party reputation. The halls are in a lovely green suburb, next to the botanical gardens. Of course, accommodation availability may well be an issue at this point. It seems like neither you nor dd have been convinced by NTU from the start - it doesn’t sound like a good fit at all.

@ealingwestmum that sounds like hard work! I really hope her positivity in joining things pays off.

It is Dublin Benji. Mine withdrew her place at Durham when Ireland issued their offers in Sept; I’ve just the one DC.

I think you and your DD are being very pragmatic. She has been dealt with one shit ride though, and if she does pull out, she sounds like she’ll really put her gap to good use. Such a shame to come to that for the wrong reasons though.

Thanks for your support. I really appreciate your suggestions. She accepted NTU on clearing at 5pm on the Friday after results. She wanted a ‘better’ in her mind uni but this was the best left in clearing. Her Sociology teacher and head of year warmed her against jumping into something out of panic. He was right.

She is clearly capable of getting higher grades if she did retake (I think I remember she was predicted higher), so maybe that is something to ponder - is there somewhere she could do that next year with some teaching or would she go it alone / with some tutoring maybe? I agree with Also, no shame in discovering you're not in the right place and being proactive in making a different choice. Plus you get her home for another year ☺️

@Benjispruce4 it is heart-rending to hear of your DD's brave efforts to make it work. Clearing seems to have ended, but phoning universities might be successful as they have barely started. However, that might feel like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. Is there a cooling off period at NTU? Lots of universities don't charge fees if you withdraw early - maybe within the first 2 weeks. If there is a deadline like that she could give herself a decision date. Maybe she could make a list of 10-20 achievable things she will try before absolutely deciding to give up.

Our school allows students back to lessons if they want to re-sit, DS was lucky because one of his friends who had an offer for Medicine but missed an A in Chemistry by 1 mark(!) is re-doing Y13 Chemistry, which is nice for both of them. At that school there are always quite a few Y14s. The education system funds 3 years of sixth form.

Tough decisions ahead, which only she can make.

She is on a waiting list to move flats. A colleague mentioned trying York again but they weren’t interested at all when she contacted them after she missed the grades. No mention of a possibility of a place if students don’t turn up. She would have got a place if international on her grades. That makes me sad. You’re all so helpful.

As mentioned accommodation could be an issue so late and that seems to be compounding factor. Does anyone know about applying with grades in hand even if they are BBC. Is there any chance with the RG universities or is it definitely retakes?

If she really wanted to, I'd try Lancaster, Keele and Lincoln. I don't think RG would work but Lancaster as good.

Or Swansea . Swansea v good gor sociology.

I don’t think she’ll try for this year, it’s too much panic. She has 21 days to leave from course start date to get 100% refund of tuition fees.

She would have nothing to lose from contacting York again, they can only say no (or yes!). I don't think accom is a problem at all universities, I think there is loads at Leicester and Sheffield but don't know enough about others. I don't know how universities would respond to being contacted by parents, but if her teacher was willing to make some calls for her, that would be more powerful.

@Alsoplayspiccolo yes it was audition today, unfortunately DD said it was awful and she was out of sync with accompanist. I’ve just said to her she gave it a shot and tried, so move on and don’t look back.

DD also seeing her flatmates all seem to be going out without her so feeling a little left out. I’ve been ecouraging her to speak to others and ask if they want to do something but she’s finding in tough and overthinking everything. She just said she’s exhausted too and forgot her purse so couldn’t buy lunch and didn’t have time to go back to halls so is grumpy hungry. On a positive note she has been given the instrument teacher she wanted and signed up for a couple of societies so fingers crossed for day 2 of the course tomorrow which starts off with a harmony test!

That gives her a good deadline for a decision.