I’m desperate and looking for some advice/perspective.
My son is 21, he left school at 16 with limited qualifications and went to college. He never completed the course and since then he’s worked for a total of less than 6 months in 5 years…..
A bit of background - he was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 7, medicated through school which helped but he doesn’t take medication now. He’s bright and clever but never applied himself. He still lives at home but he has a girlfriend and is expecting a baby in May
Here is my problem….as I’ve said already, he doesn’t work. He claims universal credit and gets some disability element because he claims to have anxiety and depression which affects his ability to work. He’s awake all night and asleep all day which wouldn’t be a major problem if he didn’t keep us awake most of the night. My partner and I both work full time and are finding it increasingly difficult not getting enough sleep
He makes zero effort to be quiet, up and down to the kitchen for snacks, talking on the phone, playing his games and general noise you wouldn’t blink an eye at during the day but it’s very different at night. We’ve asked him countless times to be quiet and he doesn’t see the problem
I have asked him to pay board (not a lot, just enough to show him he has to pay his way in life) and he’s refused for the last 3 months. He’s actually said “why would I pay board for somewhere I don’t want to live”……
In the past he’s been violent when challenged about his behaviour. There are holes in his bedroom door to prove it. It’s left my partner and I reluctant to challenge him as we both recognise it could go too far and there’d be no coming back from it. Neither of us want that…..
Consequently my son believes he can carry on as he is.
He claims he can’t work due to anxiety but he has no problem with other social situations. If I do challenge him he will play on his mental health and threaten to harm himself or worse. It feels like emotional blackmail……
This is just a snapshot of what is going on, I could literally go on all day but I’m at the end of my tether and don’t know what to do anymore. It’s causing so many issues between my partner and I, I’m stuck in the middle feeling like who I should put first…….
We’ve tried everything; supporting, encouraging, motivating, talking to him, shouting at him! Even the impending baby hasn’t made him step up and realise he has to change…….
What would other parents do in this situation?