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Why am I being called a liar when I'm not lying?

56 replies

SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 22:25

I'm a 19 year old man, sort of still living at home (I stay with my grandparents whenever I've got work the next day as it's easier to get to work from there). Tonight I'm at my grandparents.

On Saturday night me, my brother and his girlfriend (both 15) had the house to ourselves so I ordered us a Chinese. We ate in the lounge, on the sofa. On Sunday, when my parents came home my stepdad noticed a few grains of rice on the sofa my brother's girlfriend was sat on. He said to me "I see you've been eating on the lounge, if you're going to do that can you at least try and get the food in your mouth and not on the sofa?" I muttered very quietly that it wasn't me that was sat there but he didn't give me any eye contact, didn't say anything else and simply just walked away, so I assumed he didn't hear me so I got out of my seat to follow him and then changed my mind and decided to just take the blame for it as it was less hassle, so I sat down again.

Anyway this morning my mum asked me to come and meet her, pick my siblings up and take them to school for her. No problem, happy to help. I sat in the car with her after taking them in and she said that he had been complaining to her that he found food on the sofa so I told her that it was my brother's girlfriend that was sat there but I chose to take the blame as it was less hassle. It actually turns out that my stepdad DID hear what I said and he was just being ignorant, so obviously he was quite confused when my mum told him that I chose to take the blame. So I had a text from my mum calling me a liar and that she's fed up with having to protect and defend her first three (she had us before she met him) to him. Obviously, when I told my mum that I took the blame for the whole thing, I thought I was telling the truth. I told her that if she doesn't want to protect me then I'd rather she didn't, simple as that. It's a few grains of rice on the sofa, why does it matter?! That's what baffles me the most

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TracyMosby · 10/01/2022 22:30

He sounds awful. Can you move out.

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driftcompatible · 10/01/2022 22:31

It all sounds very dramatic their end. Stress over rice and a mum texting about lying.

Remain rational. Don't be baited into drama like this. Reply factually like your did here (but shorter for her) clearly and briefly stating that you didn't think he heard you say it was the girlfriend and that you thought you had taken the blame. Note that it's very sad she's called you a liar and it's upsetting to hear she feels that way.

Then leave it.

If she's a decent mother and a mature person she'll listen to calm and honest words.

I advise not to reply to any dramatic texts with the same level of sensationalism. Rational. Calm.

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CiderJolly · 10/01/2022 22:36

You sound like a gentleman and a peace maker. Your step dad sounds like a right prick.

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Whydothat · 10/01/2022 22:42

Your stepdad sounds awful. Can you move into your grandparents house full time? Has he always caused friction between you and your siblings and your mum?

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Longdistance · 10/01/2022 22:44

Your step dad sounds like a shit stirrer and your mum falls for it.

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DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 10/01/2022 22:49

Him complaining to your mother about you, especially over something so petty, makes it seem like he’s threatened by you (fragile ego/insecurity sort of stuff on his part) and wants to drive a bit of a wedge between you and her.

Really sorry you are having to deal with this.

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SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 22:54

@Whydothat

Your stepdad sounds awful. Can you move into your grandparents house full time? Has he always caused friction between you and your siblings and your mum?

I wouldn't have the nerve to ask to be honest, sometimes I get the feeling that I've outstayed my welcome even there. I've got £6k in savings (which is part of what my stepdad's dad left for him when he died, he shared it all out evenly between the six of us, but I always seem to get guilt tripped with that whenever there's a problem between us, apparently I'm not grateful for it, which I've always said I am, so part of me just wants to hand that money back to him and say that I'll make my own way in life, but then I also feel like that WOULD be being ungrateful, so I'm not sure what to do with that). I've got a job that's supposed to be full-time but lately I've only been getting one shift-per-week. I was considering my sister's offer to move in with her but her and her housemate have Covid right now so I can't do that right now, not that I could afford it anyway. I pay my Mum £75 per fortnight lodge money.

As for the troublemaking, I don't like to say it but yes. Us kids always seem to get the blame for it and my mum's always telling us that we need to give him the respect he deserves because we're destroying her marriage. We never had a problem with the partner she had before, he was alright.
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Ionlydomassiveones · 10/01/2022 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 22:57

Might I add that when I turned 18 my Mum asked that I hand the £6k straight over to her so that she could invest it in some sort of company, apparently it basically just meant it would be making 10x more interest than it would in a regular bank account, so I went along with it. The owners of the company have just been arrested for fraud so now we're waiting for the money to come back through.

My stepdad is an ex-copper that went to prison for misconduct in a public office so I guess it shouldn't come as too much of a surprise that he's trying to cause trouble

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DoTheyKnowItsLemonJuice · 10/01/2022 23:03

Wow okay, that’s taken a dramatic turn.

My advice to anyone in your situation would pretty much be, as pps have said: resist their attempts to stir, even if that means distancing yourself.

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SortMyHouse · 10/01/2022 23:10

Don't give the money back
Move in with your grandparents
Get some qualifications so you can get a job that isn't one shift per week on bad weeks
Go low contact with your mother
She cares more about get sex life than her kids
I'd it just you 3 from her previous relationships or does she have kids him?
Go no contact with him

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SortMyHouse · 10/01/2022 23:11

Her not get

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Longdistance · 10/01/2022 23:12

I wouldn’t have handed that 6k back. Of you ever get it back think about moving out.
You sound like a sensible chap who’s being taken advantage of and treated badly. I knew they’d be something dodgy with your stepdad.

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SortMyHouse · 10/01/2022 23:13

You've really outed yourself - get this thread removed

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SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 23:15

@SortMyHouse

You've really outed yourself - get this thread removed

Sorry?
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SortMyHouse · 10/01/2022 23:17

You've mentioned your step dad or mum's boyfriend whatever he is used to be a copper and was bent at that, you've given particular information.
Are you sure you won't be recognised and this thread won't cause you futher issues?

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Passtherioja · 10/01/2022 23:20

I'm not sure that coppers being put in prison for misconduct is such a rarity any more! OP would only be outed if his mum's on MN!

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SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 23:24

@SortMyHouse

You've mentioned your step dad or mum's boyfriend whatever he is used to be a copper and was bent at that, you've given particular information.
Are you sure you won't be recognised and this thread won't cause you futher issues?

I see loads of stories about that stuff. As long as I don't give away any if our names (which I won't) and my Mum isn't on here (which I know she isn't), it will be fine. Thanks for pointing out that I need to tread carefully though
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SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 23:28

@SortMyHouse

Don't give the money back
Move in with your grandparents
Get some qualifications so you can get a job that isn't one shift per week on bad weeks
Go low contact with your mother
She cares more about get sex life than her kids
I'd it just you 3 from her previous relationships or does she have kids him?
Go no contact with him

She had another three with him. They're 8, 7 and 5 now, but honestly, the fact that he's their Dad doesn't bother me one bit. I love them all more than anything and I would jump off a cliff for any of them.
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Rogue1001 · 10/01/2022 23:31

What brings you to mn @SurferBoy02?

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SurferBoy02 · 10/01/2022 23:35

@Rogue1001

What brings you to mn *@SurferBoy02*?

I guess I just wanted to get the views of some other parents on the situation so I could figure out wether or not I was in the wrong and which one of us is being unreasonable. I know it's a bit odd a 19 year old male being on here but it was the only forum I could think of where I could just get the views of parents and not just other people my age.
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madisonbridges · 10/01/2022 23:35

It's clear you have an acrimonious relation with your step-father but you don't give details so I can't comment on that. It does seem thought that he has given you a fair share in the money he handed out.
Leaving that aside, I too would comment on family members that spilled food on the furniture, including my husband. Ultimately your brother's girlfriend was your guest so you are both responsible. It doesn't seem like he made that big a deal out of it. Mine would have been presented with a bin or hoover to clear it up.
At 19 it can be difficult to still be living at home. Most people come to a point when it's time to move out. It can be brought to a head by a big thing or a little thing. This seems minor. But maybe its time to get a different job with reliable hours and get some independence in a place on your own.

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MenoMom · 10/01/2022 23:54

I think you need to looking into moving on with your life and moving out. It sounds like you're unlikely to get much support from your mum and stepfather so would you consider an appreticship where you can earn while training?

I think it's better to get out sooner than later, your mother and stepfather aren't supporting you. You have so many opportunities, get out and live your life away from them, but try to keep on good terms so you can be there for your siblings.

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SurferBoy02 · 11/01/2022 00:24

@MenoMom

I think you need to looking into moving on with your life and moving out. It sounds like you're unlikely to get much support from your mum and stepfather so would you consider an appreticship where you can earn while training?

I think it's better to get out sooner than later, your mother and stepfather aren't supporting you. You have so many opportunities, get out and live your life away from them, but try to keep on good terms so you can be there for your siblings.

I would've done an apprenticeship but I've been an apprentice before at a preschool and they let me go when I was 90% of the way there. I found a different preschool to work at where I could carry on the course but I hated the setting as I just couldn't get on with anyone there and didn't agree with the way they sometimes did things. So I started applying for new jobs and I got offered a full time job at McDonald's. By this point I was 97% of the way there. I had to be working at a setting for the entire course so if I was to finish the course I would've had to say no to McDonald's and find a different setting QUICKLY. It was disappointing that I had to give up the qualification but I just thought jobs aren't easy to come by nowadays so I took it. Now I wish I had stuck it out at that s**thole just to finish the qualification and then find somewhere else. My stepdad's an assessor and he seems to think that now I've taken an apprenticeship and failed to finish the course I would have to be £0000s if I was to take another one
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SurferBoy02 · 11/01/2022 00:26

I would have to PAY £0000s

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