Why am I being called a liar when I'm not lying?

[SurferBoy02]

I'm a 19 year old man, sort of still living at home (I stay with my grandparents whenever I've got work the next day as it's easier to get to work from there). Tonight I'm at my grandparents.

On Saturday night me, my brother and his girlfriend (both 15) had the house to ourselves so I ordered us a Chinese. We ate in the lounge, on the sofa. On Sunday, when my parents came home my stepdad noticed a few grains of rice on the sofa my brother's girlfriend was sat on. He said to me "I see you've been eating on the lounge, if you're going to do that can you at least try and get the food in your mouth and not on the sofa?" I muttered very quietly that it wasn't me that was sat there but he didn't give me any eye contact, didn't say anything else and simply just walked away, so I assumed he didn't hear me so I got out of my seat to follow him and then changed my mind and decided to just take the blame for it as it was less hassle, so I sat down again.

Anyway this morning my mum asked me to come and meet her, pick my siblings up and take them to school for her. No problem, happy to help. I sat in the car with her after taking them in and she said that he had been complaining to her that he found food on the sofa so I told her that it was my brother's girlfriend that was sat there but I chose to take the blame as it was less hassle. It actually turns out that my stepdad DID hear what I said and he was just being ignorant, so obviously he was quite confused when my mum told him that I chose to take the blame. So I had a text from my mum calling me a liar and that she's fed up with having to protect and defend her first three (she had us before she met him) to him. Obviously, when I told my mum that I took the blame for the whole thing, I thought I was telling the truth. I told her that if she doesn't want to protect me then I'd rather she didn't, simple as that. It's a few grains of rice on the sofa, why does it matter?! That's what baffles me the most

[SurferBoy02]

@GrannytoaUnicorn

What an articulate & mature young man you are. Your mum should be very proud 

*@SurferBoy02*

thank you

[GrannytoaUnicorn]

What an articulate & mature young man you are. Your mum should be very proud 

@SurferBoy02

[JustLyra]

Stop taking your step fathers words that things will cost thousands.

Go and get proper advice on what you can and can’t do.

[SailingNotSurfing]

I’m concerned about simply handing over 6k to mum, when it would have been useful for further education/deposit for housing/ driving lessons and a car. Your stepdad was incredibly generous to share his inheritance with all the family so he’s not exactly the villain of this sorry story. I’d be asking mum where’s my money?

[TurkeyRoastvBubbleandSqueek]

@DartmoorChef

For someone who scraped through their studies including English, you type very eloquently and your posts are far more mature than the average 19 year old boy.

Your post is also extremely identifiable with the details of occupation, criminal history and number of children including ages.

Strange thread really tbh.

*@DartmoorChef*

I don't really see the problem if he is identified by his family, friends, associates etc. He hasn't done anything wrong. At the most he might upset his Mum and, or stepdad, but really, so what? Maybe seeing their treatment of him written down in black and white might give their heads the wobbles that they need.
SurferBoy02 has not complained about any of the adults in his life being physically abusive, so if the worst they do is shout at him, then that is further evidence to him that he should move out. As for the £6000, imo if that money is lost, his Mum owes him it! Most of us trust our Mums more than anyone else in the world, so it isn"t surprising that he trusted her. So SurferBoy02's Mum, if you are reading this, give your son his money back, even if you have to pay him back in regular smaller amounts.

Good luck SurferBoy02 (if you are real!, this does seem to be too well written, and yet a litle farfetched, for someone who is supposed to be so bad at English). If you are actually someone practicing your story telling abilities, you are showing good promise, but have a little way to go yet 😉)

[SpindleyCrow]

So basically, and please let me get this straight, you're effectively penniless because your mother had the £6k off you that your stepfather gave you?

And you write very well indeed but only just scraped functional literacy after you left school? And you're now only 19? And you jacked in a decent apprenticeship at 97% downloaded?

And you've popped onto Mumsnet because you want the sympathetic views of parents?

Yeah, good luck with that one, mate.

[MsPavlichenko]

You’re not a parent of adult children so strange forum to post.

Your SF may be an arsehole or not. Sounds as if you’d be happier on away from there and living independently, you’ll be saving on keep presumably. Going forward clean up after a take away regardless of who is sitting where.

[DartmoorChef]

For someone who scraped through their studies including English, you type very eloquently and your posts are far more mature than the average 19 year old boy.

Your post is also extremely identifiable with the details of occupation, criminal history and number of children including ages.

Strange thread really tbh.

[SortMyHouse]

My advice to most people is state schools are crap, find a way to understand yourself and teach yourself. That isn't easy when you're 15/16, you blindly trust the lazy people 'teaching' you.

[SortMyHouse]

21:03missionhopefullypossible

I got an E at school when being taught by teachers

When I self taught myself I got an A (first year of sixth form), one year later

[missionhopefullypossible]

@SortMyHouse Sorry, we cross posted so I didn't see your all your posts.
I don't want to say anything too harsh to undermine a 19yo's confidence. But I have to say, do you think all the teachers he had at school and at college and at his workplace were crap? That's a mighty lot of crap people for one learner to be so unfortunate to come across. If he struggled to learn in a face to face teaching situation, he's going to find it even harder to be in a situation where he is self learning.
Obviously he could go on an access course with the OU but he's going to have to take out loans to finance it. It's good to be ambitious for people but at the same time his aims need to be realistic for his present circumstances.
If, as you say he failed his exams due to a hostile home environment, then surely he will fail again if he stays there? He needs to get his living situation sorted out by getting a job that pays enough money to support an independent lifestyle.

[CiderJolly]

National Careers Service is a good place to start if you need help planning your future. You have some decent work experience and you have your functional skills Math & English. That is a great start- better than many. You just need a plan.

[SortMyHouse]

He filed his GCSE and scrapped his college course probably due to crap teachers, hostile home environment, letting his mind worry about things he can't change.
If he focuses bite size challenges, he can at least sort that aspect of his life out.

[SortMyHouse]

19:12missionhopefullypossible
If you read my post before that, I suggested he redo his maths.
That's how I suggest he can do a degree!!

[SortMyHouse]

I know you're not asking for education and career advice

However, I think your mum and step dad are a dead horse, no point in flogging it

So do what is in your power which is setting up a decent future for yourself

[missionhopefullypossible]

Look into a degree to become a teacher
Early year teaching / primary

He scraped through functional skills in maths and English. How's he going to be accepted on or do a degree?

Op, you're not focusing and you have scatter gun approach. You've had an apprenticeship that you left having completed 97% of the course. You're working at McDonald's on reduced shifts. You have no concrete plan for the future, just bits of ideas. I suggest you going back to careers advice at your college and sitting down and investigating what is available for you; or looking at reliable workplaces around you and trying to get in there. Living on the occasional shift I don't see how you're going to manage to live independently. As you say, you're a man now, so it's time to start making grown up, sensible decisions.

[SortMyHouse]

www.open.ac.uk/courses/education/degrees/ba-education-studies-primary-q94

[SortMyHouse]

Khan academy website

[SortMyHouse]

Gan academy - start from the level one for pre schoolers and work your way up to the college level maths - you'll see where your early year maths gaps are as well as getting to an advanced level.
Keep your options open.
Self teach yourself.
This resource will help of you want to resit and get a proper GCSE.

[SortMyHouse]

18:32SurferBoy02

Look into a degree to become a teacher
Early year teaching / primary

Don't worry about the tution fees you'll get a student loan for that

Any uni's near you?

Has open uni got a degree you can do? You can do that part time

Get a job as a teaching assistant - part time

Really try and see if you can live with your grandparents - for as little as possible

Don't waste your youth and earning years trying to figure out a toxic family dynamic, people lose decades to that thought, locked in a prison in their minds - work on education, career and money.

[BluebellsGreenbells]

Firstly I feel disappointed that your mother isn’t helping you more here, whilst stepdad sounds controlling, your mother is enabling that control. As you don’t do as he says, she’s getting the blame so blames you - he’s doing what all abusive people do and so is your mother.

I think you need to look for another job, one that pays better than childcare settings and move out.

[SurferBoy02]

@SortMyHouse

What are your gcse and A-level grades like?
You're only 19 re-do them if you have to.
What do you actually want to do?

I was absolutely hopeless with GCSEs at school and wasn't getting the additional help I needed to so I went to college early and took functional skills maths and english and only just scraped through that. More than anything I want to work with children in an early years setting but as I said before, I stupidly gave up the apprenticeship I was doing when it was 97% completed. I can't go back to that now because it would cost £0000s. And I've already enquired about reversing the decision and resuming the course and I was told it wouldn't be possible. Football coaching is also something I'd like to explore one day

[SurferBoy02]

@SortMyHouse

23:28SurferBoy02

Sorry, I wasn't doubting your love for your siblings.
I was trying to work out does he have his own kids and is that why he's being funny with you?
Somehow wanting his non kids out of the way.

Oh, sorry. Yes he's got three children with my mum (they were the ones I was talking about) and another son via a previous marriage who has refused to speak to him since he got released from prison.

[SortMyHouse]

What are your gcse and A-level grades like?
You're only 19 re-do them if you have to.
What do you actually want to do?

[SortMyHouse]

23:28SurferBoy02

Sorry, I wasn't doubting your love for your siblings.
I was trying to work out does he have his own kids and is that why he's being funny with you?
Somehow wanting his non kids out of the way.