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Parents of adult children

Wondering how to stop worrying about your grown child? Speak to others in our Parents of Adult Children forum.

Do you ever stop worrying about them?

109 replies

Borisblackcat · 11/11/2021 10:05

DC’s are early twenties and I don’t know why I worry so much about them. Any upset to them and I take it on myself tenfold and usually it’s something not really worth the anxiety when you look at everything else going on in life.
I thought things were meant to get easier as they got older but doesn’t seem to be the case with me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me and I seem to be the only one like this.

OP posts:
FayeGovan · 08/10/2022 22:58

I agree with so much here.

Slambdunk · 27/11/2022 02:35

Just found this thread. Don’t usually comment but it’s 0226 and I think I might have found my tribe. My anxiety over my DD (26) got so bad during covid - she lives on a Scottish island a 15 hour drive and 90 minute ferry away - that I sought counselling. It worked and I have a technique for managing it. However, in times of crisis it breaks through. She’s having a tough time with her depressed partner - who has left his job and now spends the day sleeping and the night time drinking. I know that she will be fine but sometimes, in the wee small hours the anxiety breaks out and keeps me up.

Nothing really constructive to add other than you are not alone. I suspect there are many awake parents all over the country sharing these night time fears for our adult children.

Oblomov22 · 27/11/2022 08:08

@PointyNails
How is not supportive, to suggest to posters with very high levels of anxiety that they speak to their GP about anxiety? You must know that such levels of anxiety are not good for the person. Damaging to the relationship of the recipient. Surely it is sensible to do something about it.

@SilverLiningPlaybook It's not about age of children. It's about attitudes to anxiety. Why you worry. How you control it, what to do address it. But no, they are Uni and teen.

@RampantIvy I haven't had an empathy bypass. No perfect lives here. My ds1 almost bought me to my knees. Did actually. But that's not the point.

I've had some very very serious problems with my children, in the past. and even now I have problems and issues minor ones. But, I don't worry about it. I think about it, action it and try and move on, I don't spend my emotional energy worrying, unnecessarily, which doesn't actually do any good.

The point is that Mn has a large percentage of its posters who have chronic chronic anxiety and I don't deal with it very well and that's not healthy, is actually damaging to the child. and a lot of parents seem very blasé at all. If you've got chronic anxiety then do something about it. Or at least try.

My Dh has to go to lots of mental health training because he works at a big company and one of the things they teach you is: There is no point worrying if it's outside of your control.

See picture.

I think people should take more control and not be so flippant about their anxiety. If you have anxiety, then at least put in the effort and put in the donkey work to address it rather than just saying oh I have anxiety - it doesn't doesn't give you a carte blanche for other behaviour that isn't actually acceptable.

Do you ever stop worrying about them?
GonksHaveNoEyes · 27/11/2022 15:00

I’m a worrier too. I’ve had counselling and meds in the past for my anxiety but when it comes to my kids I just lose the plot sometimes.
Oblomov22 I get what you are saying. It’s not an easy task or a quick fix. I’ve read a lot on the subject too and I still struggle. Very easy to say don’t worry about things you can’t control but putting it into action is quite another thing. I’m trying though and I think I’m a bit better than I used to be.

lovenotwar149 · 27/11/2022 15:06

I can relate to many of the above . I have 3 adult sons...23/26/29. They re responsible people for sure yet "worrying" does still occur but less so for me. When my anxiety slips in, I change my thoughtsI trust them very much so.

ssd · 27/11/2022 21:34

Worry seems to be in my dna

sandwiches77 · 14/03/2023 20:02

When I was in my 20s I felt suffocated by my DM worrying about me all the time. Now I have a DD in her 20s, I understand where DM was coming from. I think DM does have anxiety and has passed on the gene to me. I feel so alone as washes over DH

sandwiches77 · 14/03/2023 20:02

When I was in my 20s I felt suffocated by my DM worrying about me all the time. Now I have a DD in her 20s, I understand where DM was coming from. I think DM does have anxiety and has passed on the gene to me. I feel so alone as washes over DH.

sandwiches77 · 14/03/2023 20:02

When I was in my 20s I felt suffocated by my DM worrying about me all the time. Now I have a DD in her 20s, I understand where DM was coming from. I think DM does have anxiety and has passed on the gene to me. I feel so alone as washes over DH

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