Things about motherhood that i didn't realise would be hard.

[poshsinglemum]

I do love being a mum (even a single mum!) but the things that I thought would be hard are not as hard as the things that actually ARE hard.

For example I thought that the nappies and sleepless nights would be the hardest things.

The actual hardest things are;
The worry, lack of social life, the social minefield of the parenting world, lack olf spontanaity.

Things that I enjoy about motherhood that I didn't realise would be so wonderful are that dd has forced me to slow down, take stock and pursue gentler hobbies, hugs and smiles, giggles, buying lovely baby things, hugs, dimples and watching her hav efun.

Feel free to add your own.

I thought the hardest thing would be the invasion of my personal space- them taking up rooms in my house, their toys cluttering my floors that kind of thing. In fact, I don't even care if they come piling into my bed- they don't feel like strangers invading my space at all.

The hardest thing for me is I had thought we would carry on being outdoors people, taking them on hikes as soon as they learnt to walk, being of on walking adventures by the time they got to junior school, climb hills, watch birds. They have both got chronic health problems- this is not going to happen. That has hit me hard.

But they are still pretty wonderful

I never imagined family both inlaws and mine would be so difficult.

The worry definitely top of my list.

Finding time for me and dp to possibly have more dc (or just fun).

But I love the way I feel when I look at them, how beautiful they are, I am a very over critical person and I have never in my life felt proud of anything I have done except My children who to me are flawless.

The hardest thing is helping your DCs to navigate the moral maze of life in society, IMO.

In the small scheme of things, I didn't realise that never waking up in my own time would be so draining. I am wakened either by the alarm clock on weekdays, or one of the children at the weekend. I'd love to wake up when I want to wake myself, one of these days..........

The noise... I never thought it would bother me. Dd can talk from waking up to bedtime without drawing breath.
Bless her.

Hardest thing for me: Reasoning with them. Have had horrid morning trying to get 8yr old and 5yr old to school on time(which we normally do, hence the stress that we may not), whilst 3yr old had different ideas . Also, time just to think as there is always someone needing something.

Best thing: Having had them. Although tough sometimes, being able to have this experience really is life-changing and something of which I am proud

what poledra said.

plus I really miss the cinema. I can't wait until DS is old enough to not only sit through, but also enjoy, a film.

otherwise, despite the exhaustion, I'm so glad I have DS, he mainly makes it all worthwhile!

for me it's seeing your own social failings 'inherited' by one's children... although my children are (thankfully) different from me in many many ways, they are both a bit socially clunky.
As someone who often feels unpopular and boring and insecure, it is horrible seeing these things mirrored by the ones you love most in all the world. I can teach them how to walk and talk and use cutlery, but i can't teach them how to make - and keep - friends.....

The worry is the hardest part for me too. Particularly when they're ill. I can cope with the snot, sneezing and coughing, but it's the temperatures which send my stomach into butterflies, and the rashes that have me reaching for a glass to do the tumbler test.

I've learnt not to google health information though (except the NHS website occasionally) after losing half a stone with worry after reading some scary stories about the MMR just before DS was due his.

It's having someone who you love so much that it hurts, and yet who (for the first few months, anyway) seems so small and fragile.

Definitely what Poledra said. I am permanently tired and I swear it's because I'm being forced out of bed 365 days a year before I am ready.

The constant negotiation of pushchair/walking/holding had/reins/trolley is hard and also having DD constantly move things, you put something down and it's wrecked. I spent a fortune on new light shades over the weekend, came in, put the bags down and DD sat on them almost instantly and squashed them. Argh!

Being pulled in about 10 different directions.

Feeling rubbish as you put on cbeebies to get the housework done

Always saying "in a minute"

The worry now the are starting school

Hardest thing for me: suffering the agonies that they suffer along with them whilst being supportive and helpful (when not got pmt).

I think the death of my lovely Mil hit me all over again after I had dd, also my love for dd threw into sharp relief my 'orrible abusive parents.

On the lighter side I didn't realise shopping for toys, clothes and bedroom stuff would be so fun!

Also I didn't realise how magical life can be with a child in it. Easter, birthdays, Xmas, even a walk in the woods takes on newer and deeper meaning.

having a shower
not being able to pop to the shop
agree that the sleepless nights etc are not in general the hardest things

The relentlessness of it

The worry is very tough.

Also really miss not ebing able to just get out more - actually leave the house in the evenings. The combination of working from home and having young dc can be very isolating and claustophobic.

The worry and the endless guilt.

For me it is that my own abusive childhood came crashing in on me like a ton of bricks and I have been trying to get my head round it ever since. I did not expect that.

Also the guilt. I am generally patient but I am prone to really losing it now and then and being physically agressive. I don't hit them but I have pushed, shoved and grabbed a bit to hard. I have really yelled at them. The self loathing afterwards is awful. I do apologise but I am not good at forgiving myself. I thought when I had children I would be endlessly patient and never shout or lose it.

However the love I feel for them is like nothing I have experienced before. I have opened myself up and freely give affection a nd love that I never had myself. Motherhood has made me discover myself, who I really am. Good bits and bad bits. The way my ds wrinkles his nose and widens his eyes when you tell him something new. The way my dd gently pushes my face to one side when she is breastfeeding because she wants to touch the curly bits at the end of my hair that so fascinate her.

That when you are ill, you can't just lie on the sofa and get better - you have to look after your kids, who are most likely as ill as you. It's the most fun when you all have D&V.

and the sleep thing, I do have a brief lie in most Sunday's, but it's a catch up, rather than a luxury really.

"The combination of working from home and having young dc can be very isolating and claustophobic."

Agree wholeheartedly with this!

The endless questions along the lines of 'where is that train going', 'is it electric or diesel' (I'm not kidding, ds2 asks each of these about 200 times a day at the moment). I thought I would answer all their questions so patiently and it would be a wonderful journey into knowledge of the world together. I didn't anticipate that all their questions would relate to the public transport system. And so it was that I found myself yelling at ds1 'I don't know where that f*king bus is going and I don't care' which I never thought I'd do.

On the plus side, though I thought I'd love my kids, I just didn't know how much. It's like having an extra heart.

..that, should you choose to return to work, your DCs will behave like little angels for the childmiinder and save all their demands, complaints, whinges and arguments for the VERY SECOND you get home through the door.
Gone are the days of recovering from a stressy day at the office by puttng your feet up and unwinding with a nice glass of wine......

the worry and the guilt and the worry and the guilt and the lack of hot sex and boozy nights out

That a day can feel like a year (but, conversely, that a year can feel like a day).

pfft all of the above,

Plus realising just how sqeamish I am and the heart stopping hideousness of seeing them fall over. The fact that I feel sad when I think he's upset (NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THAT!)

The constant sense of not being 'quite' good enough at what I'm doing.

The worry that I will inadvertently turn littlemad into a future criminal by some parenting failure of mine..

But the georgeous squdgyness of his cuddles gets me through most days thankfully