OK - so those of you who won't leave your children alone at home while you pop out, or locked in the car while you pay for petrol in case..

[seeker]

...you were in an accident and knocked unconscious or killed, would you really rather you child was in the accident too than safe at home or in the car?

Do you have just one child MollieO?

I guarantee it is a lot harder to be so self righteous with a brood of children.

Are you really suggesting I get all my dc out of the car to pay for petrol? Are you nuts?

Oh, and I have an answer to the problem of not getting a child out of the self combusting car in the petrol station - I don't lock my car while the dc are in it because I've never managed to do so without being able to disable the alarm, so their movement always sets it off.

I'm obviously taking unacceptable risks with my dc.

its all about weighing the odds as a mum

now i wouldnt leave them in the car whilst i went into the supermarket

but i would to go pay for petrol.

the odds of the car blowing up, the petrol station blowing up, robbers kidnapping them etc is minimal

on occasion i used toleave son asleep in pram in living room - scared shitless to wake him up to go into cot incase he wouldnt go back to sleep - then went to bed. i dont think its any different - a gazillion things coud happen. but they usually dont - and if you burden yourself with everything that could - you wouldnt move, go out, eat etc....

so its about what we as mums think is a calculated risk.

i think the risk of leaving themin the car whilst i pay for petrol is as likley of taking them with me and the place getting robbed.

its all highly unlikely.

I don't know, it absolutely panics me but sometimes I have to run down stairs with the bins and leave DS in the flat. I always have to check I've got the keys about 10 times.

Several years ago, ds1 and I were hanging the washing out in the back garden early in the morning. ds2 was at crawling stage and closed the back door and shoved the extra-secure bolt down. There was no way he would be able to pull it up again, or even understand what to do.

ds1 and I had to run down the back alley, round by the main road to our neighbour's house, beg her to drive to dh's work to pick up his keys and drive us home so we could get back in the house.

All in all it took 45 minutes and ds1 and I were in our pyjamas!

ds2 was still in the playroom. He'd crawled away from the door and was playing with the twangy thing that stops the door from banging into the wall.

I suppose this little story shows how I should have taken both dc outside with me, to avoid what was a fairly fraught 45 minutes.

But a couple of years later, while I was watching, ds1 had a freak accident and fell out of tree that he climbed on a daily basis. He landed on his face, ripped it open and even after extensive surgery is going to have a noticeable scar for life. I was there and watching.

All I have learned from life is that you must assess potential risk, but remember to have a life at the same time, because the worst accidents can happen even when you have been risk averse.

So Mollie what would you do in my situation?

I can't go to a 'pay at pump' garage because there aren't any and I don't have anyone else who can take the car to refuel it for me.
If I am driving to visit family I have to stop for petrol, not an option. So, you would be getting out the Phil&Teds on the forecourt would you??

LittlePeopleCo clearly MollieO would think you irresponsible for even venturing out of your house, let alone going on a motorway.

Actually, she's probably right - going on a motorway is a far larger risk than getting petrol.

So it's clear, stay at home. For the rest of your children's lives. (with a treadmill installed so they don't get overweight from lack of exercise)

I think Mollie is getting an unfair rap, to be fair she is only saying what she prefers to do, not judging anyone else on what they prefer to do. She has agreed that we all assess risks etc and make our own decisions - we're not all going to agree are we.
As a caveat can I say that I don't agree with Mollie particularly, I just don't see why she's being picked on just as she is brave enough to give her opinion.

Kitkats

The funny thing is that I am a very safety conscious person, but just think that you can't stop living life. You just have to make the best decisions as you go. I mentioned on a thread recently some of our safety precautions in our house and I think people thought I was mad! So its not like I'm a mother who doesn't think about safety, its just that I won't let very, very small risks stop me from doing normal, day to day things.

I am amazed that a traffic officer came to talk to an antenatal class about the dangers of leaving children in cars at petrol stations. I think the odds of your child being run over are slightly higher than your car self-combusting. And does that mean I have to turf my elderly parents and any other passengers I happen to have in the car out too in case it catches on fire? That's insane

Nah, daydreamdolly you're too nice.

MollieO is "always amazed at seeing children alone in cars at petrol stations particularly". She says "I feel I am my ds's best chance of staying safe. Leaving him in the car alone or leaving him in the house alone is not safe". I really don't think she is not judging anyone. She thinks what she does is better, and safer. My opinion is that she can do what she likes, but I'm not sure that if safety is her primary objective, she is even being rational.

But she is definitely implying that those of us who do leave our children in cars at petrol stations are lax with safety.

Fair point well made Kitkats.
Good job I have thick skin, I am confident enough in my decision to leave DD in car at petrol station, not really bothered what others think of me, she's my DD and I am a sensible woman capable of making my own decision and do not think it is irresponsible at all.

hurrah for you daydreamdolly Me too. I dread to think of the chaos if I unplugged the dc at the petrol station.

I have thick skin too. Purely because I have the confidence that, in this situation, I am right.

Good for you too Kitkats. There will always be people who judge, as mums we will all be judged (silently or on mumsnet ) for pretty much everything we do.
The times I get my knickers in a knot about said judging is when I have a doubt in the back of my mind that I am doing the right thing.
I often find the harshest critics are often left wanting in their own parenting skills, and grab onto something they think they do right and use it as a stick to beat others with, to make themselves feel better.
Hmm, must put the wine down now me thinks...

Funny you mention wine. I must go to bed too. The bottle's empty.

Must be a hole in the bottom of it. Night night

"When ds was a baby the local traffic police came to speak to the post natal weekly get together at our local hospital. They recounted an event whereby a mother had left her baby in the car whilst she paid for petrol. She locked the car. Whilst in the forecourt shop her car caught fire. No one could get the baby out of the car. Having been told something like that there is no way I could do the same with ds."

The traffic police were obviously talking bullshit. Did they tell you when and where this incredibly newsworthy event took place? Can anyone remember hearing about this on the news?

Possibly my children are more resourceful, inquisitive / imaginative / curious than yours seeker, but 'no' I wouldn't leave them in the house unattended whilst I went to the shop for a kitkat because all sorts of bother and mischief could (probably would) ensue

Yes, but the op was about the ludicrous statement 'if i was in an accident...'
i have to say, it will be quite a while before i leave dd home alone, not because i worry that i would be knocked over if i went for a pint of milk, but because of what she could do to the house & vice versa.

the argument about 'what if I had an accident' is clearly silly, if your children are old enough to be left, then they are safer at home in that scenario, but ONLY in that scenario.

my rule of thumb was 'would i leave my handbag there?' on the basis that a handbag is far MORE likely to be taken, but far less traumatic if it is. I wouldn't leave my handbag sitting on the step outside a shop, so I never left dd outside a shop. I would leave it in a locked car (hidden), if I could still see the car,so I would leave dd in that situation.

Just came across this, sorry for late post.

mollie that is the most utter arse water I have ever read on mn.

Scaremongering just doesn't cover it.

You're either fabricating the whole police talk or didn't understand what the officer said.

I don't believe for one moment that any officer would try to scare a group in the manner that your attempting.

yes I agree re traffic officer talk.

I have never heard of a car combusting on the petrol station forecourt and I have been a news journalist for more than 20 years.

If a car is regularly serviced and well maintained, the chances of it catching fire are totally minimal, surely.

How old btw are the DC people are refusing to leave alone in the house? Not that she needs anyone to speak for her but seeker's DC are IIRC 13 and 8.

Well I am so neurotic that - beginning to get hot flushes now I think - it has crossed my mind about the risk to my baby if I spontaneously combust whilst holding him.

So what would you recommend I do, Mollie?

I mean, it does happen...

Hmm - the petrol station issue...when it was just dd and she was a tiny baby i sometimes took her in with me....then i realised this was a bit daft!

Now with DS1 aged 2 who would bolt the second you free him for the carseat, and DS2 (6 weeks) it's just not possible or indeed safe to drag 3 kids in to pay.

I live abroad and have to drive everywhere to get anything. Road deaths are 7 times more likely here than in the UK. If I leave my dc at home, what happens if I don't come return? I take my toddler with me or leave my shopping until she's asleep and have the maid listen out for her or wait until my DH is back to run errands.

I can never leave her in the car as it's just not safe and I don't trust the people here + it's too hot in that car within seconds, so no way. Lucky I can hand the money to the pump attendant

At home in Continenetal Europe we live in a small village and I'm far less guarded. I would go to the shope while she sleeps or leave her out in a pram to sleep on the terrace when I come back from a walk with he, though I'd always be in the adjacent room.

I honestly think the world has changed and what my mum did 20 odd years ago is a risk today.

I used to fly UM (umaccompanied minor) long-haul with 2 transit stops to my aunt and uncle when I was 5! Wouldn't do that to my own kids.

Aw, full of mistakes. Well I hope you get the jist of my ramblings.

Personally I wouldn't judge a mum for what she chooses to do, after all it's her kid, not mine but if I saw a kid asleep in a car turned off in this country I'd call the police ASAP. It's 38 degrees at 11am. I believe we should help each other.