OK - so those of you who won't leave your children alone at home while you pop out, or locked in the car while you pay for petrol in case..

[seeker]

...you were in an accident and knocked unconscious or killed, would you really rather you child was in the accident too than safe at home or in the car?

I always leave mine in the car at the garage.

When DS was 18 months, just down the road from us a car the same make, model and colour as mine was stolen with the 18 month old in the back .

If I remember rightly they din't get too far when they dumped the car with child still in it.

Must have got earache from said toddler and thought, sod this, keep your bloody car .

Anyway, DH told me that from now on I take him (DD wasn't born) into every shop, garage etc with me.

It lasted, ooh, a week!

you wanna watch them axe murdering peodophiles, one on every street corner these days,
i read the dailymail dontcha know

Yeah I think I am with Northerlurker, when I read about the comment from turtle I did kind of wince at the "what if he came out of the house" scenario - seems to happen several times a year doesn't it.

Each to their own, I was lucky that we have had pay at pump for along time and also I would get diesel on a saturday when dd was home with daddy.

there is a HUGE difference between leaving a child in a car for a few mins where you can see them and leaving a child in a car out of sight for a long perid of time!

northenlurker - i think the idea is to put your child somewhere where they can't escape while you reverse car out, unload shopping etc.

To OP - somewhat bizarrely I think that my ds is safer with me than not. I think it is called parenting but no doubt someone will correct me if I'm wrong.

why on earth would you think your child is safer with you in an accident than they would be alone in the car or at home?

Yes grapes I get that - I just don't believe in locations toddlers can't escape from unless locked doors are involved

ah, MollieO, you must have superpowers. Simply by having your child with you all the time does not necessarily make them safer.As many posters have said, on the petrol forecourt, your child is far more likely to be in danger crossing it, than staying safely in the car.

If you were going to be a really responsible parent you would stay indoors, in a one room house, with no hinges/corners or hard surfaces. You would never need a wee, would never answer the phone/door or have a conversation with anyone. You would never let your child come into contact with anyone except yourself, and possibly a dp. You would never come across the situation of what to do with your child in the petrol station because you wouldn't risk your child being out of the safe environment of home.

You would also, quite rightly, be accused by many as being certifiable, and not 'parenting' properly.

Please don't think that you are parenting better because you think your ds is safer with you than not. Over-inflated ideas of your own importance, I think.

Failing to allow a child independance because they are safer with you is hugely dangerous and imo really bad parenting MollieO.

I'm assuming you are talking babies and toddlers? Because if not you need to rethink sharpish!

What a patronising OP...

I dont like to leave my DC in the car or home alone, how does that affect you exactly???

Only on Mumsnet could people be berated for not leaving their children home alone

northenlurker - luckily the handle on my front door is too high for DD1, but when she can reack it i will definately be locking it, free range toddlers are not a good idea

I'm struggling a bit with this thread, what age children are we talking about?
DD is 10 months old, I leave her locked in the car at petrol stations, and I leave her gated in the lounge whilst I take bins out/get pram out of car etc - isn't this healthy? Or am I a bad parent? I don't want her to grow up paranoid that she has to be in sight of me in every waking moment.
I even let her play in the garden whilst I wash up at the sink/go inside to check dinner (window in kitchen directly looks out onto garden)
I agree with some that we can take the protectiveness too far, I want her to have a sense of independence, but always feel safe.
I would never, at this age, or until she was a teenager, leave her in the house whilst I went out in the car. Not incase of an accident I might have but because it's a silly risk to take that something might happen to them in the home whilst I was gone.

your job as a parent is not solely to protect your children from every passing danger (self combusting cars included), but also to teach them to be independant and able to look after themselves, how are they supposed to do that if they are glued to you every second of the day?!

Precisely Grapes, but I'd struggle leaving a child younger than say 12 or 13 alone at home for any period of time. Taking them out of the car in a petrol station is just a faff and unnecessary if they are in sight.

Thats true grapes, but I think most of us know the difference between leaving an 11yr old in the car alone (my dd) and a nine month old baby (my ds).

oh definitaley, i only leave my children in the house if i'm taking the rubbish out, getting something from the car/ garage etc. and even then DD2 usually follows me, im lucky in that my driveway is behind 7ft gates so she is pretty much free to go where she wants.

baileys - you would thinks so, however some people seem to think that neither can be left in the car for any amount of time.

I used to babysit (paid and at night) for other children at the age of 14 so how on earth would a 14 year old now be able to manage looking after other children if they arn't allowed to be home alone when their 13!!!

My Nephew is 14 and has to have a babysitter some to look after him when his parents go out, night or day!!

I leave my 3 1/2 year old in an unlocked car when I go to pay for petrol and I even contemplated leaving her in the supermarket carpark whilst I popped in for milk (she was fast asleep) the other day. I didn't though as we live in a hot country and didn't weant her to over heat and I'm too mean to leave the engine running for the a/c.

I leave her in the house when I take out the rubbish and hang out the washing. Sometimes she follows me, sometimes not. Sometimes I can't find her when I go back in but she's usually pottering round the back of the house. I tend not to panic in these situations as she always turns up.

As I've said before on threads like these I really feel for kids that are wrapped in cotton wool. I don't think it's going to help them in the long run - just turn them into anxious adults.

daydreamdolly you may change yr view on leaving a 13yo home alone when yo uhave a 13yo.

Or even a 10yo

Clary - agreed, I don't think I could say unequivocally until I was in that situation. I can only comment on what I would and wouldn't do with DD at the age she is now.

We left DSS1 (just 15), DSS2 (12) and DD (5) alone from 6 pm to 9 pm recently when DP and I had to go out to a school parents' evening. I left their supper on the kitchen table (all cold food) and they all knew our mobile number and could dial it at any point.

We returned to peace and quiet and a clean kitchen . They had even managed to cclear up their supper without any instructions or request to do so.

OK - MollieO and the person who said I was patronizing.

It is a genuine question. These threads about whether it's safe to leave a child at home for 5 minutes while you pop to the shop for a pint of milk, or in the car while you pay for petrol all seem to come down to "I wouldn't do either of those things because if I was knocked down and killed, nobody would know that my children were alone" This seems to me to be a logical idiocy - surely it would be better for a child to be left at home and frightened for a while until found than involved in the accident which killed his mother. Not patronizing (not sure where that came from) or berating people for not leaving their children alone - just wondering how people got over the logical hurdle.

I can't get my head round this at all.

I have a DD who is 1yr old, she can just about stand but can't walk yet. Am due DD2 soon (and I doubt she'll be able to walk yet either ), when I have the two babies with me I would need to get out my double buggy to go inside the petrol station to pay for my fuel!!

There is no way I could carry them both and my purse and type in my pin number!
I would/do leave the babies in the car, lock it, go inside and pay and come back. What else should I do???

I am a bad mother - it never crossed my mind to take DD out of the car to pay for petrol - I just lock the car and toddle off to the cashier. Same with bringing out the bins, I just make sure she is in her leapfrog or bumbo (wedged in with the tray ) and off I go - the only thing I do make sure is that she and the dog are rooms away with a closed door between.

Seeker I have never and I wouldn't. Logistically it hasn't always been easy but I feel I am my ds's best chance of staying safe. Leaving him in the car alone or leaving him in the house alone is not safe imo. Obviously that will change when he is older.

I am always amazed at seeing children alone in cars at petrol stations particularly. When ds was a baby the local traffic police came to speak to the post natal weekly get together at our local hospital. They recounted an event whereby a mother had left her baby in the car whilst she paid for petrol. She locked the car. Whilst in the forecourt shop her car caught fire. No one could get the baby out of the car. Having been told something like that there is no way I could do the same with ds.

Each to their own. We all make daily assessments regarding our dcs safety and what is right for others isn't necessarily right for all.