Getting baby into daytime sleep routine

[Sappholit]

My baby is nearly 10 weeks and I'd really like her to start having her sleeps at predictable times - ie a lunchtime sleep for two hours would be nice.

How do I go about doing this?!!

Greenmonkies i would have thought that actually most people do eat and sleep around the same time everyone i know does (unless they are fortunate to get a lie in on the weekend ) I see no harm in wanting your children to have a pattern to their day either. All these books are guidelines - they don't tell you to stick to it minute by minute...

my son took 20months to sleep through and it was pure hell! i have no desire to repeat that

Greenmonkies - did you actually read the OP?

"My baby is nearly 10 weeks and I'd really like her to start having her sleeps at predictable times - ie a lunchtime sleep for two hours would be nice.

How do I go about doing this?!!"

The OP is asking for advice about how to establish a routine for day sleeps.

The rest of us are answering the OP's question about establishing a daily routine based on our experiences.

Perhaps you'd be better off finding a thread extolling the virtues of attachment parenting, which is something you seem to feel strongly about. That's your opinion and you are welcome to it.

This thread is so unlike anything I have read on MN.

I tried to loosely follow GF to begin with (and didn't find anything about letting a small baby cry it out!) I think this helped me and DD a small bit. I didn't get hung up on it though.

DD is now in a great routine, at 11 weeks but I don't know if this is because of my efforts or what she wanted. For me it was the fact that my maternity leave ended when she was ten weeks old (actually earlier, but I kept her at home) and she had to go to a childminder, so I felt structure would help her make the adjustments easier.

I did always wake her at 7am (when she didn't wake earlier) but now I let her sleep on as I am trying to make her bedtime a bit later - so that DH and I get a bit of time with her in the evenings when we get home from work.

My only advice would be to let the baby sleep as much as they want during the day or not to keep them awake when they fall asleep, even if it doesn't fit into the routine you envisage. I don't think they can get too much sleep when they are little and sleep helps them cope better with the world!

routine's have to suit YOU as well as your baby though - I tried BW and GF at different points when DS was small and thy stressed me out something chronic, maybe because I didn't have the staying power, maybe because I was exhausted from the screaming colic-filled evenings and DS constantly overtired due to not being able to make it past 30mins nap cycles in the day. Actually, I did try BW for over a week before giving in.

In all honesty, the second I burnt books and stopped worrying (it took a good 4 months) DS found his own routine and I learnt to read the changes and adapt myself accordingly. The reason all the routines seems so similar is they do describe what is generally natural for babies (albeit at different stages, DS wasn't going to follow anyone's idea of a routine for the 1st 6 months). He has since fallen generally into a similar routine of my GF following friends.

Just make sure you put her down at the 1st tired signs...don't try to keep her up to suit any routine, all hell WILL break loose when you have an overtired baby (oh, and my golden rule has ALWAYS been never wake him - but I was totured by months of no sleep during the day and taking hours of screaming to go to sleep at night, and thankfully when eh was small even if he woke an hour before bedtime from a nap, he'd still go down at the same time for the night)

Good luck!

I would also recommend the Baby Whisperer and I agree with LL that most people seem to have a routine, they wake, have breakfast, eat lunch in the middle of the day, an evening meal, clean their teeth and go to bed, what is wrong with wanting to very gently encourage your child into having a gentle routine too?

The BW really taught me to watch my DS very carefully, and answer his needs before he had to demand things by starting to cry. I was able to figure out when he was starting to get tired, if he was hungry (the rooting reflex is amazing!), windy (knees to chest...) or over-stimmulated.
I guess each to there own.....It really worked for us

Haven't read all the posts but please don't get too caught up in routines if it doesn't quite work out for now.

We tried the baby whisperer book from early on and both DD and I ended up crying, she just didn't fit with the EASY method. We put a routine on hold for a while as BFing on demand just worked well for both of us and DD would fall asleep after feeding as often as she needed. Since about 5 months, she's settled into a morning & afternoon routine, just by me watching for her cues and whipping her into her cot as soon as she rubs her eyes. The naps are currently short due to her trouble self-setting when she wakes between sleep cycles, but we're working on that with the shush/pat technique.

For me, as long as we were both happy, that was the point, even if we didn't have a strict routine.

review of the babywhisperer

I'm surprised at the positive reviews for this book - I found that my baby fed so much there were some days I was never going to get much activity and it certainly was not easy.

The You time did not eventuate until the end of the fourth trimester.

31 ways to help your baby sleep

The op might find the link above interesting reading?

Fanjolina the OP's desire for her 10 week old baby to sleep for two hours at lunchtime is unrealistic. Most babies of this age don't sleep like this, so to ask for ways to make it happen is ridiculous. And any advice on how to do it will be off centre and result in trying to force her into an unnatural rhythm that she's simply not ready for.

If you watch your baby and respond to thier cues (by all means seek advice on what these cues are) you will find that your baby will settle into a fairly predictable pattern of behaviour. But trying to enforce a routine like this is unnatural and puts the emphasis on controlling the baby, not on responding to the babys needs and ajusting to the changes in their development. Growth spurts and developmental changes all "disrupt" routines, it's far better to learn to nurture your baby and respond to her needs rather than decide what they can do and when they can do it. It's too rigid, we are talking about a small human being here, not a programable gadget.

ok- so I am not a routine nut (at all), but I am a bit and GM's assertion that a 10 week old won't sleep 2 hours at lunch.... My 10 wk old can and does (not every day and it isn't exactly lunhc time every day either) and my ds defo did (much more so) at that age. So sleeping for 2 hours at a time at 10 wks can be normal- little babies can sleep a lot. Some have trouble getting through the 45 min sleep cycle other don't and if they don't their sleepy time can be 2 hours. Eventualy they managage (often with your help) to get past that 45 min barrier and fall into a more predictable pattern

I wouldn't bother as life is not like that and it is making a rod for your own back! Life is just too short and our babies, born into privilege, just seem to know that the world is their oyster and we their adoring slaves! Having babies when you are mature (30s) really helps I admit. The young are still craving the feeling of being in control but we oldies accept that we are not and never will be! Both of mine seemed to need no more than 8 hours sleep no matter what the books said. But they were both fed real milk which did not seem to knock them out much. I hate to say it but artificial milk does need far more digestion and might be a way of timing a sleep... good luck and they will soon grow up anyway!

That's pretty offensive on several counts all4u

We're all trying our best as mothers, age doesn't come into how you respond to routine or not....I was 25 when I had DS and know mums my age and up to 15 years older who were both routine queens and go-with-the-flow mothers. Older mothers are as likely to want to keep the element of control in their lives as they've had control for much longer than younger mothers

By your definition all4u, I'm old (31) . Routine suited us, which surprised me, as in many other ways I thought of myself as verging on hippyish parent (e.g. we coslept at the beginning, BF, reusable nappies, wrap-sling).

It was more about predictability for DD, and for us, rather than control per se. For us, routine was easy to establish (we didn't even try prior to 11 weeks though) and it really settled our household into a stress-free, well-rested existence.

Having only the one child I'm no expert, but it's ridiculous to say 'life is too short' for routine when it is so clearly very helpful for many.

All babies are different, all families are different. Everyone's priorities are different.

I did GF (as I mentioned early in the thread). DS was 9lb at birth and breastfed for 16 months. I didn't find the routines made bf difficult at all because they say to always feed a baby that is crying for food - occasionally that meant once an hour but normally not.

For me the priorities were giving breastfeeding my best shot, having a happy baby and trying to establish a routine - as a family we do like to eat, sleep etc at similar times nearly every day.

I don't think that routine/lack of routine need to be controversial, just depends what is right for different familes.

Oh, and I was 33 when I had DS

Blimey.

I'm a relative newcomer to MN, but don't think I'll be bothering to come back. What a nest of vipers! Life's too short for this...

Thanks to those who shared their experiences and made helpful comments. Intersetingly, my baby is now in a routine of sorts, and it works well. I am far from being a control freak, but I'm afraid I subscribe to the school of thought that says babies feel more secure when they know what's happening and what's coming next.

I nearly killed myself trying to convince DS to have a routine (being a 30 year old control freak and a first-timer). It was bloody stupid of me and I'm sure that he would have settled into the same pattern in his own time whatever I had done.

Next baby I'm going to my own patented WAS method; Wait And See.

BTW, the only way I could get DS to sleep for two hours at lunchtime was to co-sleep and BF back to sleep every 45 mins which I did every day until he was about 5mo. It was lovely!

Sappholit ignore the less than helpful comments.

Sadly, routine is one of those topics on MN that always brings out the militant and/or just plain rude. Along with infant feeding/weaning and a number of other topics on here it stirs up very vocal minority who like to think they know best and to hell with alternative opinions .

Glad to hear you're finding your way towards a routine that works for you and your baby. And do come back, MN is inspiring, interesting, hilarious and enjoyable and there are some truly lovely and well-meaning folk on here. Ignore the rest .

I was just a few days off 38 when I had mine - and I really mourned the loss of control. I found the younger mums more chilled.

DS slept through from 2 months. we noticed ds had a three hour cycle so then I just started to work with that and a bit of the baby whisperer - the bits I used were routine (but adapted for ds) and the 'dream feed' thing which I gave him when he was asleep at about 11pm - and he suddenly started to sleep through to 5am. To me 9.30pm - 5am was a full night's sleep so just then really worked hard to get him into that and once done went with the flow.

I think the other thing that helped in retrospect was I was laid up for a while so ds only went out in the pram for a quick bit of fresh air - no loud shopping centre, no baby swimming, baby yoga baby massage stuff until he was about 6 months when I was far fitter and recovered. Also home was fairly quiet and chilled. I think that helped compared to my friends who just jumped up straight after birth and got back to 'normal' and took baby with them -they had quite fretful kids.

And I found open curtains first thing in the morning and just closing them for nightime sort of gave ds a bit of a message.

I was just a few days off 38 when I had mine - and I really mourned the loss of control. I found the younger mums more chilled.

DS slept through from 2 months. we noticed ds had a three hour cycle so then I just started to work with that and a bit of the baby whisperer - the bits I used were routine (but adapted for ds) and the 'dream feed' thing which I gave him when he was asleep at about 11pm - and he suddenly started to sleep through to 5am. To me 9.30pm - 5am was a full night's sleep so just then really worked hard to get him into that and once done went with the flow.

I think the other thing that helped in retrospect was I was laid up for a while so ds only went out in the pram for a quick bit of fresh air - no loud shopping centre, no baby swimming, baby yoga baby massage stuff until he was about 6 months when I was far fitter and recovered. Also home was fairly quiet and chilled. I think that helped compared to my friends who just jumped up straight after birth and got back to 'normal' and took baby with them -they had quite fretful kids.

And I found open curtains first thing in the morning and just closing them for nightime sort of gave ds a bit of a message.

Oh and I clearly felt so strongly about the whole subject I had to say it twice. Oops sorry!

Sleep routine????? HA HA HA you have got to be joking, DD2, is 10 months old, she is vaguely in a routine...then suddenly flips out with no change in what we are doing. She sleep in the evening, then potentially, she will wake at 2 and may not go back to sleep til 5, or she may just go straight back down. We can never tell.

We have tried CRIO, pick up put down, co-sleeping you name it we have tried it. I used to bf, but have now stopped since she is often crying and crying until she is allowed to suck. I am not up for Bf for 4 hours plus a night. ALthough I pretty much did this to keep her quiet for a while and to stop our dearest neighbour banging on our wall.

She is now going to nursery, three days a week, where they are lets face it a lot more experienced at dealing with babies than me are also having problems. Naps....yes but only if she feels like it. Eats...well maybe sometimes....and it goes on and on and on.....

I found with all 3 of mine that we didn't really get into a daytime nap routine until they were weaned at 6 months.

Personally as long as they go to bed at 7'ish for us it works better to have flexibility in the day.

DS1 was a 2 hour nap after lunch in his cot baby and I actually found it too restrictive as he wouldn't/couldn't sleep in pushchair.

Do what works best for you and baby but 10 weeks is still teeny so don't think everyone else has babies in a strict routine at this stage.

Oh and DD has only just started sleeping through the night and is 9 months and bf if that makes a difference.

Oh and disagree that babies who are bf don't learn to self-settle - mine all have just taken a while.