Can I lock the door at night?

[conkeyhead]

Hi

I wonder if I can have some help with an arguement my husband and I are having. We have DS 2yrs who has been in his big boys bed now for a couple of weeks and after some problems we've basically got him to stay in the room when he goes to bed by jamming a chair under his door. Not as awful as it sounds; he seems to test the door and go straight back to bed and then to sleep which saves us up to 3 hours of standing outside the door whilst he keeps appearing.

I have been removing the chair once he's asleep as to me, it seems completely wrong to leave him locked in his room!! However, he's started waking slightly early (not horribly early just earlier than we get up or than he used to) and coming in to our room wanting cuddles and into our bed.

My husband thinks we should leave the chair there all night and that he would do the same thing in the morning - check the door and go back to bed.

I can't imagine being able to sleep if I thought one of my babies was locked in their room. I worry about fire, or other emergencies (can't actually think of any at this minute - earthquake??!).

I think the fact that he comes out of his room and straight into ours is a good thing (he was all over the house at one point!) and I think that if my son has a need, it's my job to meet it! Not, jam his door shut and roll over and go back to sleep? But I also realise it's my job to teach him good habits!

Am I being precious?

Is it even legal to lock your children in their rooms whilst you sleep?

Any thoughts would be gratefully recieved. I do realise whatever we do it's just a phase and we'll be on to the next thing soon, but I wouldn't mind being able to quote a few people when it arises again this evening!

thanks

I wouldnt lock the bedroom door all night. Nor would I lock the door just to get him to sleep.

When ds1 was first in his bedroom in a big bed, I would potter about upstairs until he fell asleep and if he did come out of his room, I would take him back tuck him in, and leave again.

I wouldnt use the chair at all.

Simple answer is No absolutely no way should you be locking kids in their rooms.

"I think that if my son has a need, it's my job to meet it! Not, jam his door shut and roll over and go back to sleep? But I also realise it's my job to teach him good habits!"

You have got that spot on so either bite the bullet and get up early or sort out some way of getting him to sleep later (rabbit clock or repeated return to bed or something)or let him come in for cuddles and hopefully he'll drop off in your bed.

Wot tots said.

I quite enjoy when the DDs get up a little early and come into our room. They hover at the door till I say OK, then they scurry into bed for a cuddle and snuggle.

I couldn't do it. I wouldn't be able to sleep.
Aside from worrying about dangerous scenrios, what about if he's just frightened by something (lightening/cats fighting/bad dream), it'd be horrible if he felt he couldn't come to you.

scenrios = scenarios

This is a child is it? Not a crazed animal? What are you like?

You've said it yourself - you need to teach him good habits. And he won't learn good habits from being locked in.

It will take a bit more effort in the short term, but you need to get him going to sleep in his bed without a fuss. And you need to return him to his bed and expect him to go back to sleep when he wakes too early and comes through.

It's not that hard, and once it's done you don't have to worry about it any more. If you keep locking him in, you're only delaying him having to learn to do it himself.

Crikey - Is that legal? I don't think a child should ever believe that he/she cannot get out of a room if necessary. It may seem difficult now, but it is only a passing phase - my DD is currently coming into our bed every night round about 3-4am. She is 10. Disruption caused by something scary she had seen and cannot get over. Do you think I should lock her in?

I like them coming in for early morning cuddles, too. So I can't imagine I would lock mine in ever.

BUT, I know people who have locked the door (or installed a stairgate that child couldn't manage) to get extra time in the morning and on the whole I didn't blame them nor would I blame you OP, if you left the chair there. I really think some of the replies here are blowing this out of proportion. A tot/child who truly badly needs you can call out.

DD went thru a sleep-walking phase -- I often found her all over the house crying hysterically in middle of the night. Looking back I now wonder if the best/safest thing would have been to secure her in, instead.

No of course you shouldn't lock him in overnight. What if he's sick? At some point you're going to want him to be able to get out and go to the loo by himself.

If your DH really doesn't want your DS to have a morning cuddle, then lock your own bedroom door (or, I'm tempted to say, the spare room door with your DH inside it).

Yes all good points and thank you.

I would love someone to tell me it's illegal, argument would be over. It's what his sister does with her kids and I've always been slightly alarmed and never let my kids go and stay there, apparently she says it's to do with cats.And what my DH parents used to do with him. I've met all sorts of people who say they lock theirs in - all boys though. I thought I was being silly thinking it was awful!! (my first child is a girl, don't think she even noticed when i moved her into a big bed!)

The problem is of course, he's too young to be in a big bed. But...we don't have a cot bed. (he's just 2). So he was getting out of his cot, climbing, landing..somehow and appearing at the top of the stairs in his grobag. So I was frightened he'd hurt himself.

The chair did seem harsh to me, but it was literally 3 hours a night stood outside the door whilst he came out every 2 mins, and then he wasn't sleeping properly anyway (cos of transition but that's better now) so I gave in and tried it. And it worked straight away. He wasn't upset. Seemed to try the door a couple of times first night, seemed to realise that game was over and went to bed. I thought he'd be falling asleep on the floor, against the door all sorts. But every time in the bed. So we'll stop using it all soon.

But anyway, have all of DH's family here sunday so I now have lots of good (and supported by others) arguements to make. Very glad my instincts are right and I'm not soft!

Thank you!

FGS get a stair gate and use that instead.

Hate this locking children in their room thing. Yes it does the same thing but the child can see you and can hear you properly. Less barbaric and less likely to remain in a childs memory.

(i need to point out here that i was locked in rooms a lot when i was younger and the fear of not being able to get out and the upset that i didn't know why i was locked in was enormous-i don't know how old it started)

I would NEVER lock DS in his room. When he was first in his big boy bed we put a stairgate on his door, but I kept putting him back in his bed and he soon got the idea. I do know of someone who let their DS sleep by the gate in the doorway, and I think that's awful. It just takes a bit of perseverance to keep them in bed.
Now we don't have the stairgate anymore and his bedroom door is always open.

There was a big row on here not so long about tying a kids bedroom door shut. Most people said it was wrong and some said it was ok.

Cheers Shine on - just wanted a bit of reassurance from some fellow mums.

Very much wish I hadn't bothered and won't be using this site in the future.

n't get me started on teh grow bag at 2 thing ... as in why not a rant

Conkyhead - dont be put off. You asked for opinions and you are getting them. From this you will be reassured that you are right. By the way - I think most children start to wake very early in the morning - all three of mine had a long spell of rising at 4am ish. They get out of it - now aged 9 and under and it is a job to get them out of bed some mornings!! It would be cruel to deny them that cuddle in the morning in my opinion. It doesnt last long.

yes, agree with the people that said to get a stairgate.

We have one of these which we can pull across his door, and also have extra hooks so it goes across the top of the stairs too

Mine just come in when they want but then dp and i sleep seperately (because of his snoring not the kids) and i don't mind at all.
I love it infact, they DO grow out of it so i like my cuddles while they last.