Can I lock the door at night?

[conkeyhead]

Hi

I wonder if I can have some help with an arguement my husband and I are having. We have DS 2yrs who has been in his big boys bed now for a couple of weeks and after some problems we've basically got him to stay in the room when he goes to bed by jamming a chair under his door. Not as awful as it sounds; he seems to test the door and go straight back to bed and then to sleep which saves us up to 3 hours of standing outside the door whilst he keeps appearing.

I have been removing the chair once he's asleep as to me, it seems completely wrong to leave him locked in his room!! However, he's started waking slightly early (not horribly early just earlier than we get up or than he used to) and coming in to our room wanting cuddles and into our bed.

My husband thinks we should leave the chair there all night and that he would do the same thing in the morning - check the door and go back to bed.

I can't imagine being able to sleep if I thought one of my babies was locked in their room. I worry about fire, or other emergencies (can't actually think of any at this minute - earthquake??!).

I think the fact that he comes out of his room and straight into ours is a good thing (he was all over the house at one point!) and I think that if my son has a need, it's my job to meet it! Not, jam his door shut and roll over and go back to sleep? But I also realise it's my job to teach him good habits!

Am I being precious?

Is it even legal to lock your children in their rooms whilst you sleep?

Any thoughts would be gratefully recieved. I do realise whatever we do it's just a phase and we'll be on to the next thing soon, but I wouldn't mind being able to quote a few people when it arises again this evening!

thanks

My DD2 (2.9) and DS1 (18 months) sleep in the same room. DD in a bed and DS in a cot. DD can move cot to the end of her bed, climb from bed to cot and then hoist her brother over the edge onto the bed. He doesn't mind one bit. She is a good Climber but we have removed most objects from the room that aid her on her quest. In order to'contain' my DC in their room and keep them safe from the perils of unsupervised visits to the bathroom or DD1's room (11) we have a stair gate across the open door way to their room. They can see out of it and frequently i'm greeted by 2 cheeky faces every morning peering over the gate calling 'we're awake mummy, let us out!'.
It might also serve your purpose? DD has never yet managed to get over the gate!

Goober, who are you talking about?

The OP.

What is the difference btw the chair and a stairgate?

Goober, what's yer problem with the OP?
(genuinely asking)

you seem lovely.

I am.
And I have never locked my children in their own rooms.

It's not a good idea. Apart from any of the safety issues (which alone should be a reason to not do it), imagine how frightening it must be for your child to be unable to open the door.

Sometimes the door opens - sometimes it doesn't..that unpredictability, uncertainty, is far worse from a child's fear pov than a stairgate, which is consistent. iyswim.

plus, with the best will in the world, it's lazy parenting. It's the quick fix but solves nothing. Take the hard path of keep plonking him back in bed! He will learn, over time.

Thing is, my first reaction was at locking him in. But.... the door handles in our 1930s house are way to high for DD (2.4) to reach, so effectively she's locked in too. Is that OK? Or not?

I once tried leaving the door slightly open when we stayed at my parents' house so she could come and find us when she woke up, but she closed it herself (presumably as she's used to it that way). AIBU?

To OP I very rarely swear either on MN or in RL but your post is frankly unbelievable. Your ds is 2 years old FFS.

Not going to bed when he should and getting up early is what 2 yr olds do.

Howabout I come round to your house and lock you in your bedroom when you are planning to have a nice dinner or watch some tv? You wouldn't like it? Well then grow up and be a parent.

Oh my god, I feel really wierd having seen all these reactions because my dd can't reach the door handle in her bedroom (although at 3 she's just figured out climbing on a box to open it!) but I've always shut the door on her at night.

When she was in a cot we would say night night and shut the door, so when she went into a bed we did the same. I never saw it as locking her in any more than putting them in a cot is.

I guess it's different in that I wasn't locking her in because she wanted to come out - she generally goes to bed quite happily and we go in if she calls us - but she's still never had the option of opening the door.

Any thoughts on that?

I agree with all the stairgate comments. We were rather desperate for a while about a month after our DS went into a bed. The stairgate worked but only combined with the actual physical placing back in bed. It was a transient phase like so many parenting things and he will grow out of it.

I love my DS who is now 3yrs coming in in the mornings. He knows that I am not a morning person generally and always goes to Daddy's side. However we never refuse him entry after 6am and if it is before then we now don't have to take him back to bed we just tell him it is too early and ask if he is going to get into bed by himself or whether he wants us to come.

I would never shut the door if dds couldnt open it. It does seem very strange to me. I would use a stairgate so that they could see out and didnt feel locked in. But then I would never fully shut dds door - we pull them too but not fully shut. I like to hear what is going on in there!

We live in a flat and have a stairgate on three year old dds room as I'm not sure I could sleep imagining her wandering round kitchen (oven!) bathroom, and living room. When she wakes up we get "its a sunny day wake up" and we go and get her up. If she needs a wee in the night we get "I need a wee". I don't think a stairgate with door open is harmful if you respond when they call. Mind you i have recently had "why you lock me in?" so maybe we are wrong / its time to review the system.

Now wheres the leaving home at 8 thread for some real ranting

OP have exactly the same scenario at ours, only without the chair bit.

We've just asked DS to come into our room first. Touch wood, it's been ok. We've had a few weeks nights of staying awake a couple of hours a night to watch the door like a hawk as he commando-shuffles across the hallway, thinking we won't see him.

They usually have an agenda.
You
Food
Play

As long as they are safely available, it should be ok, and you won't wake to find him doing something horrifying.

I would never shut a door that ds couldn't open. I didn't shut his bedroom door until he could reach and open the door handle himself. When ds was small I used a stairgate to stop him coming out of his bedroom.

Hmm, I think it's fair enough to keep the door shut at night if they are liable to do something unsafe actually. But my perspective is perhaps skewed by having a child with autism and no sense of danger. A stairgate seems sensible in your case, along with taking him back to his own bed consistently if that is what you and your husband both want. It sounds like the real issue here though is that you are expecting different things, and that needs to be worked out if this whole thing isn't to become a source of friction between you.

Message deleted by Mumsnet

Message deleted by Mumsnet

Well, I've never locked mine in, but had never thought of the door handle thing, as I always shut their door, so they are not disturbed by noise from downstairs (open plan living room/ hall) When I think about it though they have always come in for cuddles in the morning, so they must have been able to reach it.

As far as the morning thing goes, I looked at those rabbit clocks and they were quite expensive, so we rigged up some fairy lights to a timer switch set at a time which we felt was reasonable. They knew they could come through when the fairy lights came on- cheap and straightforward!

Are we having a deleting contest on here then?