Can I lock the door at night?

[conkeyhead]

Hi

I wonder if I can have some help with an arguement my husband and I are having. We have DS 2yrs who has been in his big boys bed now for a couple of weeks and after some problems we've basically got him to stay in the room when he goes to bed by jamming a chair under his door. Not as awful as it sounds; he seems to test the door and go straight back to bed and then to sleep which saves us up to 3 hours of standing outside the door whilst he keeps appearing.

I have been removing the chair once he's asleep as to me, it seems completely wrong to leave him locked in his room!! However, he's started waking slightly early (not horribly early just earlier than we get up or than he used to) and coming in to our room wanting cuddles and into our bed.

My husband thinks we should leave the chair there all night and that he would do the same thing in the morning - check the door and go back to bed.

I can't imagine being able to sleep if I thought one of my babies was locked in their room. I worry about fire, or other emergencies (can't actually think of any at this minute - earthquake??!).

I think the fact that he comes out of his room and straight into ours is a good thing (he was all over the house at one point!) and I think that if my son has a need, it's my job to meet it! Not, jam his door shut and roll over and go back to sleep? But I also realise it's my job to teach him good habits!

Am I being precious?

Is it even legal to lock your children in their rooms whilst you sleep?

Any thoughts would be gratefully recieved. I do realise whatever we do it's just a phase and we'll be on to the next thing soon, but I wouldn't mind being able to quote a few people when it arises again this evening!

thanks

I'm dying to know what they all said! Personal attacks I assume? Ooh, on me maybe?

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Capitals Shiney, capitals!

I have no experience of having children old enough to be in a bed but i think that i'd be happy with a stair gate but not happy with locking the door.

The difference in my mind is that the child can see/hear the rest of the house and the parents can more easily see/hear the child.

I would never expect a 2yo to be able to get themselves out of the house if it was on fire or something anyway... and when they are in a cot in their own room they can't get themselves out... so the stairgate doesn't seem 'wrong' to me iykwim.

As a child i never snuggled in my parent's bed... i don't know why, i guess it was never done so i didn't expect it.. i didn't miss it either and in fact didn't know anybody had children in their parent's bed till i was an adult myself.

At bedtime we do the returning them to bed routine - they do get bored eventually. In the morning as long as it's not too early we all pile into our bed for cuddles/at the weekend we have more time so have a chat when we wake up fully. However, DD age 3 has decided that 5.30 is time to rise and shine at the moment we just return her to her room and if she is really awake suggest that she gets some toys/books to play with(quietly in her own room). Have done this with all of my DCs from quite a young age and as we have stairgate a top of the stair only places they can go are bedrooms or our room.

arf

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Isn't it interesting what different people consider cruel or uncivilised with regard to children. I would consider locking a child anywhere uncivilised and cruel and would never ever do it. Instead, my advice would be to tell him not to leave his room and if he does, spank him (tap on the bottom, nothing more). But of course, there are plenty who have the complete opposite opinion.

I remember some years ago a mumsnetter describing her child having a tantrum and instead of spanking the child (because she felt that was child abuse), she put it in its bedroom and then the mother used her body weight to keep the child in the room as it repeatedly threw itself against the door screaming and crying hysterically. That image still haunts me as horrific. I seem to remember reading somewhere that social services (maybe here in the usa) recommends that foster/adoptive parents hold their tantrumming kids in a cold shower as a more humane alternative to a spanking. Another haunting image as far as I'm concerned.

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@ 'spanking' pff

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[tumbleweeks]

How is locking a child in a room different to them being in a cot they can't climb out of?
Just curious why we see these as different - I wouldn't feel right locking a child in a room.
But she is seperated from us by a stairgate across a corridor - I don't know why that feels different.

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I think if your toddler is awake you need to be awake and supervising him not trying to have a lie in without him.

Am also quite shocked about how you put him to bed reminds me of dealing with a wild tiger not a toddler!

didn't realise that closing the door was a bad thing I have always closed the door on all my kids rooms and DS2 happily goes to sleep with the door closed, he can get out of bed (he is 2.5) and comes into my bed in the monrning. He has been in a bed for almost a year as he learnt at 18 months how to climb out of the cot
we have a stairgate across the hall which gives DS2 assess to my room only and not his older siblings who he would love to climb all over in the early hours given the chance