Is this neglect? I am concerned

[andratx]

I have a neighbour with a 20 month old girl. On the surface they are a middle class family with good jobs, nice car etc. But I am worried that the girl is being neglected.

I would appreciate your honest opinions as to whether I am being over-zealous and should mind my own business, or whether it is worth getting involved with a call to the authorities?

1. grossly overfed - she is now the weight of a 3 to 4 year old, but is only 20 months old
2. often poorly protected from the weather - eg, she is never covered in the rain, and was taken out as a tiny baby with no protection in really hot weather
3. often bruised with strange explanations
4. regularly left to play alone in dangerous circumstances eg I once saw the baby aged about 15 months with a half full wine bottle....then she tripped and it broke. Mother had been sat there doing nothing.
5. constantly covered in dirt, sick, food, urine, or snot with no attempts to be changed or cleaned. Never takes nappies, wipes or spare clothes - just left to sit in it
6. will not take her to the health visitor or doctor to be weighed despite being overweight. hasn't been for about 18 months
7. mother constantly tells how the child can get out of straps for car and pushchair - eg, at 6 months old? That's why she 'kept falling out'. The rest of us kept telling her the child wasn't strapped in properly but she just ignores us. Or that the child "can open stairgates" at 10 months old so that's why she fell down them.

Sorry if it seems overzealous, am genuinely looking for advice.

ffs

1. You 'aint met my DS obviously..........
2. If they scream blue murder when you put the rain cover on they soon get used to getting wet when you give up the fight.
3. she's 20 months old - ime they do tend to get bruises in strange ways
4. how was she playing alone if the mother was sat there doing nothing?
5. Sounds like my children as toddlers, gave up trying to keep them clean..........as for the latter I've always been hopeless at remembering to take stuff out with me - they lived
6. You're assuming she's overweight.......going to the HV isn't compulsory
7. Little houdini's - you don't believe they exist until you have one of your own

oh and

1. Welcome to MN.......

Do you have kids of your own OP?

yes, 4

It's really hard to judge from a few words typed onto a screen whether there really are any reasons to be concerned, or whether this is just one of those things where when you don't have kids, you have no idea how active/messy/Houdini-like small children can be.

When you say the baby is 'just left to sit in it' do you mean for hours on end? How do you know what an average 3yo weighs? Do you realise that parents don't have to take children to be weighed? Are the bruises really that different from any other active 20 month old's? (Small children do bump themselves an awful lot...)

I guess if you are genuinely concerned, and think this really isn't normal compared to other small children you know (and how many do you know?) then you probably should do something. Hesitate to say 'call the NSCPCC for advice', thought, as I wouldn't wish an unnecessary investigation on any family.

Number 4 sounds a bit odd but the rest seems normalish.

My DCs were covered in snot and yogurt. Would often have bruises, refuse a rain hood on the buggy, take sun hats off, open stair gates, unbuckle the straps of the buggy at about 10 months old, never took them to be weighed (the HV was a cow).

Ok, I need to add a bit more detail obviously.

1. I am the mother of 4 kids myself, aged 13, 3 (twins) and 1. So I do know about kids and what they get up to.

2. The child is too heavy for every pushchair on the market now, according to the mother. Is in aged 4 clothes at 20 months. Was way over 100 percentile the last time she was weighed.

3. I am worried about the lack of HV or Dr visits for weight, because last time she went to the Dr, about 15 months ago, the dr threatened to refer child to dietician. Mother has not been back to HV or Dr since, which worries me.

4. Child has not had vaccinations although is taken all over the world every few months

5. yes, bruises are different from other children. The ONE time she changed her child in front of anyone she tried to hide her legs - they were covered in little marks that looked like grip or smack marks. She never changes her normally in front of anyone and won't let anyone do it for her. Also, strange marks on the head. Also, will dress her heavily in long sleeves and long trousers in the summer.

6. yes i do mean for hours, sitting in it.

7. Can a 12 month old baby unstrap herself from her car seat, "turn off" the child lock on a top of the range mercedes, and open the back door while the car is going 90mph? That's what the mother claims.

8. child drank adult medicine from a bottle that was left open on the surface. they did not know how much. They did not take her to dr or hospital.

speak to health visitor, outline yoru concerns.
or nspcc confidentially.

how old is she?

mumsnet is not the place for your concerns. you need real life real live people. not cyber space, you are veyr involved, ie. know an awful lot. you shoudl speak to a professional.

Is this for real?!!

If you are worried call ss or nspcc, dont ask a load fo strangers.

I'll say mother not reacting to the child playing with a wine bottle and breaking it is definitely suspicious.
Other things taken separately could be easily explained, but all of them put together- it seems like maybe calling and explaining the circumstances would be a good thing.

Sorry,I agree with OP. I think the whole lot sounds bloody suspicious. Especially the other bits you added on later, about the car etc. Doctor threatens with dietician and they don't go back? They know they are doing wrong there then. Why hasn't the doctor followed this up!

I would probably report it. Imagine if you didn't and something worse than child drinking medicine happened. Sat in filth for hours?! Weird marks. Similar things to what happened to me when I was young and authorities were involved and my mother fobbed them off with crap stories. However they should have done more than they bloody did and not believed what they were told, so you should do what your instincts tell you for the sake of the child. I remember more than I want to from that age due to poor care at the hands of my 'mother'.

Report it to Social Services and the Police.
If there is no concern, then the worst you could have done is embarrass and annoy the mother. If you are right, then you could be a saviour for this child.

I'm totally prepared to be wrong obviously but do dieticians really get involved with 5 month olds?

sounds fine - what's the problem?

If you are for real, then speak to her HV about your concerns. if you're really worried, call SS.

However, as this is your first and only post on MN - you look very suspicious.

I really can't believe people don't think this is a problem! I would be very very concerned if I knew of a child being treated in this way.

I have just clicked on OPs name and profile says she doesn't have any children!!!

If this is a wind up it isn't fucking funny!!!!

My son took a wine bottle out of the recycling often once and did a lap of the garden before I could prise it from his chubby little hands.
You must be quite close to her to, knowing so much about her. So only you will know if it's truly suspect.

Oh right. Just seemed odd that OP says she has 4 but profile says none. I would either put nothing or just say. Don't get why people lie.

I don't know if you are for real but if you are why did you watch a child walk round with a wine bottle until she hurt herself?