Is this neglect? I am concerned

[andratx]

I have a neighbour with a 20 month old girl. On the surface they are a middle class family with good jobs, nice car etc. But I am worried that the girl is being neglected.

I would appreciate your honest opinions as to whether I am being over-zealous and should mind my own business, or whether it is worth getting involved with a call to the authorities?

1. grossly overfed - she is now the weight of a 3 to 4 year old, but is only 20 months old
2. often poorly protected from the weather - eg, she is never covered in the rain, and was taken out as a tiny baby with no protection in really hot weather
3. often bruised with strange explanations
4. regularly left to play alone in dangerous circumstances eg I once saw the baby aged about 15 months with a half full wine bottle....then she tripped and it broke. Mother had been sat there doing nothing.
5. constantly covered in dirt, sick, food, urine, or snot with no attempts to be changed or cleaned. Never takes nappies, wipes or spare clothes - just left to sit in it
6. will not take her to the health visitor or doctor to be weighed despite being overweight. hasn't been for about 18 months
7. mother constantly tells how the child can get out of straps for car and pushchair - eg, at 6 months old? That's why she 'kept falling out'. The rest of us kept telling her the child wasn't strapped in properly but she just ignores us. Or that the child "can open stairgates" at 10 months old so that's why she fell down them.

Sorry if it seems overzealous, am genuinely looking for advice.

Of course overfeeding can be a neglectful thing... Children need their parents to give them the correct type and quantity of food. I totally agree that a diet of chocolate / crisps / no exercise is neglectful...

But, again, I'd like to draw people back to the OP...

The child is 20 months old. Apparently she hasn't been weighed for 18MO (though Drs intervened at 5MO???)... it just doesn't make sense.

As Oblomov correctly states, Drs can refer patients to SS... Surely, if the Dr had been that concerned and this mother simply hadn't kept appts, then it was in his power to do something.

Again, I just dont think that this adds up and I think (if it's true - and I'm not saying it is or it isn't) there is just more than a bit of hearsay / gossip going on IMHO.

Or it could just be....trip, trap

go with your gut - raise your concerns. if you are unsure then call nspcc or similar in confidence, get their advice on the situation without naming names or giving addresses. take it from there

OP What have you decided to do?

I think you are quite right to be worried. Call NSPCC Helpline on 0808 800 5000 and talk it through. They will help you decide on whether to take it further.

well in the eyes of social services it probably is wrong..i have had dealings with social services..my children are normal size, r fed, clean, clean clothes everyday, bath every nite,
but yet social services bullying me because i let my 11yr old out 2 play, my 8 yr old n my 7 yr old..i have a 4yr old who does not go out..because she hasnt the rd sense to b allowed out. my life is being made a misery by them because they know betta but i know they r sensible n safe..they have friends the same ages n they all play out..i def dont think it rite 4 very young children 2 b out alone!!

Honestluy, I give up. I can do no more. I sit here sobbing. I have tried to tell you how damaging it is to refer to ss, unless you have concrete grounds.
I have no trouble with people calling ss if they have solid grounds. I know the childs safety is paramount.
But if it is just substantial evidence, or just a whim, that is not good enough. I have said this on the other ss thread. I know not what to do with these threads anymore. I am unable to convince anyone. obviously words are falling me.

oblomov, your words are not falling on deaf ears.

I really feel for you and am so angry at the system that has obviously upset you so much.

Please try as much as you can to enjoy your children and be the mum that you want to be, don't let other people, whoever they are, undermine you and your family.

TRUST yourself, your instincts are right, your style of parenting is RIGHT for your children.

It's all okay, it really is.

btw I love your nickname, hope you spend the day receiving visitors in your dressing gown!

Yes it has upset me, its upset me so much that i do not sleep, im not eating, im stressed all the time..my doctor has put me on sleeping pills and anti depressants. And i have now had to contact a solictor to deal with this as its all too much for me. There are children out there in real need of there help, children that are being beaten daily, starved of love affection, hungry and there the ones that are being missed.