Is this neglect? I am concerned

[andratx]

I have a neighbour with a 20 month old girl. On the surface they are a middle class family with good jobs, nice car etc. But I am worried that the girl is being neglected.

I would appreciate your honest opinions as to whether I am being over-zealous and should mind my own business, or whether it is worth getting involved with a call to the authorities?

1. grossly overfed - she is now the weight of a 3 to 4 year old, but is only 20 months old
2. often poorly protected from the weather - eg, she is never covered in the rain, and was taken out as a tiny baby with no protection in really hot weather
3. often bruised with strange explanations
4. regularly left to play alone in dangerous circumstances eg I once saw the baby aged about 15 months with a half full wine bottle....then she tripped and it broke. Mother had been sat there doing nothing.
5. constantly covered in dirt, sick, food, urine, or snot with no attempts to be changed or cleaned. Never takes nappies, wipes or spare clothes - just left to sit in it
6. will not take her to the health visitor or doctor to be weighed despite being overweight. hasn't been for about 18 months
7. mother constantly tells how the child can get out of straps for car and pushchair - eg, at 6 months old? That's why she 'kept falling out'. The rest of us kept telling her the child wasn't strapped in properly but she just ignores us. Or that the child "can open stairgates" at 10 months old so that's why she fell down them.

Sorry if it seems overzealous, am genuinely looking for advice.

I would be concerned too OP. Speak to HV and ask her what she recommends doing. If you don't get anywhere I probably would contact SS

I was abused and neglected as a child, but because we were middle class and no-one wanted to be over zealous, we were left on our own where we were. Have a look at the Stately Homes thread in relationships if you want to see the effect this sort of thing can have.

Phone social services.

If you don't fill your profile in it defaults to no children

if everything you say is 100% true, and you know this for FACT

then i have no idea why you haven't already involved at least a HV, if not social services.

I reported someone once - a mum of a friend's kid who came to my house completely off her head on drugs. I hadn't seen her for ages and was so shocked.

The social worker called her and said: "I can't say who it is who reported you. It was just a friend of yours who saw you today for the first time in ages."

Druggy lady realised instantly it was me. She was back on my doorstep again within hours, off her head on drugs again, threatening all sorts. I denied it flatly to her face and said I had no idea what she was talking about (while quaking inside). Dh had to get rid of her. Awkward, to say the least.

However, I do feel it was the right thing to do. She went on to start working as a prostitute to raise money for drugs. Her kid is now living with her dad, facilitated by social worker's involvement ( so they did do something right). I feel that I did the brave and right thing. You've got to put the kid first.
But be aware she may well figure out it was you...

I'm a first time mum so not an expert but some of those things would worry me - particularly taking adult medicine and not taking to a gp.

However, are you sure they have no vaccines yet travel around the world - when I've been somewhere that needed vaccines I needed to evidence that I'd had what is needed.

[wonders where the OP has gone]

To bed, if she has any sense

Very curious that you'd make two posts on such an emotive subject and then disappear.

She prboably went to bed.

FWIW I would also talk to SS -re:the bruises if nothing else.

but it all sounds negelectful-having just finished a safeguarding children course-together all would set alarm bells ringing.

for the purposes of advice it doesn't really matter if this is real or not
based on what she says in the OP alone she needs to do something
if it's not real then do nothing, obviously!

If you are concerned then phone ss/police. They are the only ones with the power to do anything. If you phone anyone else all they will do is encourage you to phone yourself or possibly pass it on, but they would rather you phoned yourself.

Yes, it is neglect and you need to ring someone today.

If this is normal childhood behaviour - and to me it is way over normal - then there is no harm done. A few hours of someone doing their job and the mother might be embarrassed.

However, if it is neglect then the child hopefully will be helped.

All that matters here is the child, no one else, no ones feelings, just the child.

it sounds like the women on here are hesitant to tell u 2 report it because they wouldnt want 2be snooped bout by social workers, but if the child was happy and healthy theyve got nothing 2 worry bout have they?if sum 1 was concerned bout my son id have no problem with the social worker comin and lookin round our home and checkin over my boy.imagine if u did nothing?look @ what happened to baby P.
like the other women said-if he is just stupidly snotty and hates putting suncream on and wearing layers etc it'l all be fine after a quick visit from the social.

What is that last post all about? baby1onway you really need to take the time to type properly, I'm only 45 but truly can't understand or be arsed to read texttalk.

Thank you very much.

45 that says it all lol and pmsl guessing u wont understand that either!i have a very active 4month old constantly tryin 2 climb so i hav 2 write quickly!i didnt ask u 2 read it so if ur not interested dont read it!silly woman

oh and i was just trying to say that baby P was over looked coz he had chocolate round his mouth, its good that ur the caring neighbour concerned bout a child's wellbeing.if only more people would speak up!!

that's you told kreecher

I am feeling properly chastised now. I do understand swearing abbreviations. LOL? unnecessary.Did you really LOL?

Load of rubbish. My ds is the size of a 4 year old but is only 2, does not mean he is neglected, just big for his age and 'well covered' like me .

DS used to scream at the age when I put his waterproof coat on or rain covers so often got wet out and about.

Loads of bruises and strange reasons. Not so much now he's older but definitely at that age and I never took my eyes off him but sometimes they fall/ trip/ topple over/ bang their heads so quick there's bugger all you can do about it.

DS was also into everything and could get out the pushchair straps from 7 months and opened stair gate at 11 months.

If you are genuinely worried then report it but most of it seems completely normal to me.

kreacher,
you did make me laugh out loud.

guffaw