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Parenting

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Original poster

Are you happy with 2 DC or do you wish you'd had 3?

29 replies

kitpuss · 17/01/2010 21:45

I have two children, aged 1 and 4, and I spend all my time obsessing about whether to have a third child.

I go round and round in circles.

There have been other similar posts but everyone who replies has always gone on and had the third.

Is there anyone out there who thought about having 3 but decided to stick with 2? Why did you decide that and are you happy with your family?

Please help me decide!!!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 17/01/2010 21:47

Marking my place - I could have been the op!

llareggub · 17/01/2010 21:49

I'm thinking about this too so marking my place.

I envy people with 3 children but also wonder how they do it. I can't imagine being outnumbered!

AnyFucker · 17/01/2010 21:49

I stuck with 2

I am very happy with my decision

they are now 14 and 10

I am getting my life back but it has been a looooooong hard slog

if I'd had another one, I would still be at the infant school stage (I can't have children close together....long story)

and I am so tired of the school run, I want it over

I am probably in a different place to you (much older, I expect) but two was more than enough for me

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2010aQuintessentialOdyssey · 17/01/2010 21:54

I am 37. Our kids are 7 and 4. We are keen to start ttc nr 3, however, I am worried I am too old. In addition, we have so much to cope with at the moment, I am not sure it would be a wise decision to be pregnant right now. I must at the very least, lose 1 stone weight first. Not comfortable with being a heavy size 14.

Francagoestohollywood · 17/01/2010 22:02

I'd love a tiny baby. But I'm too old and too lazy to act on this desire, even if at times the desire gets really strong.

firsttimemama · 17/01/2010 22:10

Pre DC I thought I'd like 4. After DC1 I thought I would settle for 3. Now with DC2 I am more than happy with my lot and sticking.

Washersaurus · 17/01/2010 22:13

I had just reached this stage last year and decided that was that and to stick at two DC's. Of course, I later discovered I was pregnant with DC3 due in May......

Not much family planning going on around here obviously.

busymummy3 · 17/01/2010 22:33

I went for it and had a third at 39 (just 1 month before my 40th)no regrets its lovely having 3 children they keep you young noone can believe i am now 46 ! also in my experience 3 children are no more hard work than 2. the third child just seems to fit in and you are so more relaxed than with your first. to be honest the second child is a "shock" to the routine at first and most mums Iknow that have 3 or even more agree with me that the more children you have the easier it gets and is not hard to cope with. you do however have to be quite relaxed and chilled about things and take things as they come! dont try to plan things too far ahead!

busymummy3 · 17/01/2010 22:38

oh and be prepared for more expensive holidays every where seems to go by the 2adults and 2 kidsformula. it really bugs us that we end up paying expensive under occupancy supplements

brimfull · 17/01/2010 22:40

I regret not having a third.. or fourth.
I stuck to two because of my age and pre-eclampsia.
If I was younger I would have another like a shot!

I had no control over it, fertility problems , so I am very lucky to have the two I have.

hmc · 18/01/2010 00:09

Right now I am not especially happy with my two, and for that reason I am mightily relieved I didn't go on to have 3. Two is purgatory enough

hmc · 18/01/2010 00:10

Hopefully they will both go on to University and thus I only need to hang on in there for another 13 years

EsmeWeatherwax · 18/01/2010 00:21

I'm currently thinking on this too. I'm 37, wouldn't be having no. 3 til late next year (if it all worked out to plan!) But my dd1 is only 2.9, and to say she's a handful at the moment is putting it mildly! DD2 is 9months, and still not anywhere near sleeping through the night too, although she is the most chilled out cheery baby apart from that. So my desire for no. 3 is taking a bit of a beating at the minute! Plus I have horrible, awful sicky pregnancies.

I can't bear the thought of not having another wee baby again though!

bruffin · 18/01/2010 00:36

I am 47 and have DS 14 and DD 12 and never really wanted anymore except maybe in the very odd moment.

Original poster

kitpuss · 18/01/2010 13:54

Thanks for great replies, it is good to know that I am not the only one obsessed about this!

You see I have really struggled this first year of having 2, it has been such hard work and to be honest most of the time I have been miserable.

Part of me thinks I should just enjoy the fact my life should only get easier from here, but part of me just cannot stop thinking about a 3rd.

All the practical reasons are to stick to 2, and to be honest most of the emotional ones too - I seriously wonder if I would crack up if I had another.

I just wonder if I'll regret it later on if I don't!

Anyone else??!

OP posts:

indiewithacold · 18/01/2010 14:13

I'm going over and over this all the time. Would love another but hubby and dd1 not keen. Also have awful pregnancies and had dd2 two months early, risk of another one early and am 37 next month, so no spring chicken.
Am thinking I'm going to try and lose some weight and think about it again in 6 months. Would like a 3 year gap so would be starting ttc Oct this year.

gladders · 18/01/2010 14:39

am in the same boat as OP. 2 kids aged 5 and 3. I'm 39. have friend with gorgeous new baby and broodiness has resurfaced.

i worry about being outnumbered, the cost, all sorts of things - it does feel like we are just about on top of things at the moment and i don't want to rock that boat really?

am also concerned that what i really want is a gorgeous little newborn, rather than a fully fledged third child....

suspect this will lurk in the background until i concede i am old.

also suspect the feeling that one more mioght have been nice will remain.....

IwishIwasmoreorganised · 18/01/2010 14:48

ATM I'm having more no days than yes regarding having a dc3. I guess that I need to have way more yes days than no if it's really what I want.

DH seems keen for a 3rd though, and ds1 keeps asking when are we having another baby.

Their opinions matter too, but just seem to cloud my thinking even more!

Original poster

kitpuss · 26/01/2010 21:54

Bumping to see if anyone else with 2 children has anything to say - please let me know if you are happy with 2 (and why) or wish you had gone for a 3rd.

OP posts:

MrsSnoops · 26/01/2010 22:06

I am exactly the same as you. I always thought I would have 3, I am one of 3 myself.
DC2 is 14 months now and the first year with 2 was soo hard for all concerned. I don't know if I want to risk going through that again. DH not keen on anymore, I feel happy again now. But, but, but....
It's always there. I would like another for the kids, so there were more than 2 of them.
I think it is biology to want more and for me there are not enough reasons to go for the 3rd.
So, I guess I will stick with 2.

deepdarkwood · 26/01/2010 22:13

I have two (nearly 6 & 4 now) - went through serious urges for a third when dd was about 18 months (I obviously have a natural 2 year age gap ).

Dh made me wait, and now I don't think we'll go for it. I'm one of 4, and whilst I loved being part of a big chaotic family, I do think me & my siblings are closer to each other than we are to our parents, who just struggled to give 4 kids quality time. I'd rather concentrate on my two - although dd is desperate for a little sibling....

flyingdolphin · 27/01/2010 13:08

I have two (6yo dd and a 5yo ds) and I don't want any more, can't really say why, before having them I thought I would want more, but since my ds was born I am just very happy the way things are. I like the fact that there are two adults and two children.
I work full-time, so maybe that changes things, somehow I feel that things would be more complicated with more than 2. If I was a SAHM things could seem different.

Also, I still feel flexible with 2 - we are very mobile, easy to take public transport without a load of hassle (we live in a busy city centre, so that matters a lot to us), I can take both children by plane to see my relatives without feeling overwhelmed, and do lots of other things that my friends with 3 children find more difficult from a purely practical point of view.

Basically, I really don't want any more children (probably still could, as I am in my mid-30s), and I can't see that changing and I can't see myself having any regrets.

Notquitegrownup · 27/01/2010 13:13

We stuck at 2 as I was 41 when ds2 arrived. I had awful PND and was kn*ckered for next 5 years. However, if I were 10 years younger, I would definitely be trying to fit no 3 in. I'd love ds2 to have the chance to be a big brother.

joe999 · 27/01/2010 19:08

I was one of 4 and come from a massive extended family. I always knew I wanted kids, but not more than two and my feelings haven't really changed.

I have a DS1 (7yrs) and DD2 (5yrs) and I can just about give them / DH and myself the attention they/we deserve, life can be pretty hectic as it is - I can't imagine going back to nappies, potty training, terrible two's etc!!!! I love the fact that every day/week has gotten easier (mostly anyway) and just know I don't have the patience to do it again.

I did ponder it for a short while last year though, as I left a full time, stressful job to start working for myself last year and now have a much better work/life balance - but no, sense prevailed and those thoughts haven't returned.

I am also very lucky that I got to have a girl and boy and so never felt the urge to have more - I do think this may have been different had I had two boys or two girls, but I'll never know.

My younger sister has just started her family too, so I now get to be aunty to her little baby girl, which is lovely.

My DD would absolutely love a baby sister or brother, but this is one thing she won't get her own way on!!

bobblehead · 27/01/2010 19:29

Think I'm happy with 2 (aged 5 and 3) but had initially wanted more until had a very bad few years both financially and with dh after dc2 was born. We're only just coming out the other side of it. Two definately feels a good "manageable" number to me- I know I could cope alone if anything happened to dh. With 3 I wouldn't be so sure....

I also befriended someone with 4 and that put me off a bit
I then spent a few weeks childminding for a friend and got a taste of how life would be with another baby and was very relieved to be back to 2.

That said I still have days when I feel very broody, but like Gladders I'm not sure if its another child I want or just a gorgeous little baby

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