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Original poster

That man showed me his willy....

146 replies

handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 09:29

My 2.11 yr old dd just casually announced this on our journey home from Nursery. The man she was referring to works there and has been there for 4-5 weeks.

What next? Not sure whether I should say something to the Nursery Manager because this could be complete fabrication on my dd's part (she does say misleading and inaccurate things sometimes)...and if I say something and he is completely blameless?

At the time I said to her "Did he? If he did that's very naughty. If he does it again you must tell him 'no', and go and tell one of the ladies straight away" (she refers to the predominantly female staff at the Nursery as 'ladies')

DD has been showing no sings of 'sexualised behaviour'. She is interested in 'willies' of both genders - but no more so than any other child her age. She did mention the other day that one of the other little girls had shown dd her bottom....

Should I say anything to the Nursery Manager. If yes - that what and how?

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 10:12

She's at Nursery today. And so is he.

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madmarchhare · 04/07/2005 10:18

HMC, go with QE.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 10:21

This was the grandpa thread:

previous allegation

We didn't know what to do with that one either. We felt that it wasn't true, but just to be safe, dd will never be left alone with him

I am thinking - did she make both events up? or because there are two incidents does it make it more credible?

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 10:22

I'll let you know how it goes after I have spoken to the Nursery Manager...

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QueenEagle · 04/07/2005 10:23

HMC am thinking of you, you must be churning up inside.

starrynight · 04/07/2005 10:25

Please do. FWIW I don't believe a child of this age is generally capable of making up this kind of sexual allegation.

Unfortunately IMHO there are tonnes of these pervs around who rely on parents not believing their children or not wanting to put kids through any further ordeal to repeatedly abuse children. Also, him flashing a child is probably the first step in what could be a career of child abuse.

I certainly wouldn't think its out of the question for 2 incidents to happen to 1 child at all. So, don't let that put you off.

MamaMaiasaura · 04/07/2005 10:26

HMC - I agree with QE's post. Good luck. x

starrynight · 04/07/2005 10:26

I am also thinking of you - this is my own personal 'worse fear'. Good luck.

spidermama · 04/07/2005 10:58

It's a tough one.

My DS is in a world of his own and makes stuff up all the time. He told me his pre-school teacher did a poo on the chair yesterday. I think it's extrememly unlikely. The problem is he convinces himself it's utterly true.

But no matter how small the chance your dd's telling the truth I guess it ought to be mentioned to the other staff just in case.

Caligula · 04/07/2005 11:03

Oh dear. Could there be some transferral going on as well? Re Grandpa and then other men? (Don't know if that's bollocks, but just a thought.)

Good luck with getting it sorted, HMC.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 12:29

I wondered the same Caligula...

I've been given an 'appointment' of 1.30 today to discuss it with Nursery Manager

OP posts:
colditz · 04/07/2005 12:38

Sometimes very small children do lie. One of my friend's daughter once told her mum that I smacked her and made her cry. It was only because she said I had done it in my car (I don't have one) that she wasn't believed and the police weren't involved. I hadn't smacked her, I hadn't even told her off, she had never been smacked in her life, She had simply made it up to get a reaction!

On the other hand I think you are doing the right thing by reporting it to the nursery manager.

QueenEagle · 04/07/2005 12:48

HMC - I hope they take you seriously. They should have specific child protection procedures in place which they will have to follow with something like this. Will be thinking of you, good luck.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 12:53

Thanks Queeneagle - and everyone for supportive messages and advice.

I don't actually want it to spiral out of control too much, because I do have doubts about whether it happened. I guess I just want them to be vigilant and alert to possibilities

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 13:57

Have seen Nursery Manager. We agreed on no formal action or investigation to be undertaken - but just extra vigilance and awareness.

He in an unqualified member of staff - so has to be supervised when helping children with 'toileting', so it is difficult to see where he may have had the opportunity.

I suspect that this incident has developed in my dd's mind inspired perhaps by another 3 year old girl showing dd her bottom last week. Dd does tend to take an idea or concept and run with it. Usually it is innocuous (for example she is into handsome princes due to Sleeping Beauty addiction, and 'handsome prince' is often in the passenger seat of our car, refusing to wear his safety belt according to dd)

I hope we have taken the right approach. Perhaps some of you think it should have been taken further? (police involvement etc)

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katierocket · 04/07/2005 14:02

glad you've seen them hmc. Are they going to speak to him though?

sallystrawberry · 04/07/2005 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 14:08

Actually I asked them not to - I don't want him to be made to feel uncomfortable unnecessarily, and my gut feel is that nothing happened. Also I don't want his approach to my dd (or that of any of the other staff) to be adversely affected because of an allegation; i.e. I don't want them to be wary around her or me.

I think it is enough for the Nursery Manager to be aware and to have her 'radar out'

Hope I'm not downplaying things too much, but I feel that this is the appropriate thing to do at this juncture. Of course, if dd says something like this again then I will reconsider.

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 14:08

Yes they will document it.

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QueenEagle · 04/07/2005 14:09

Is this guy going to be made aware that something has been said about him?

Did the manager brush aside your concerns (if so I would be concerned about this) or did she take on board what you weres aying?

I have to say it makes me a little uneasy but then I am only going on what I am reading - how do you feel now that you have spoken face to face?

QueenEagle · 04/07/2005 14:09

Sorry posts x

katierocket · 04/07/2005 14:10

OK well you're probably right to trust your gut instinct. Personally I would hav ethought that if they speak to him (totally confidentially) no one else need know but he would be aware and then if (god forbid) it was true he would know it had been logged.

Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 14:11

No she didn't brush it aside.

I actually feel better having spoken to her because I think she will be attuned to looking out for anything untoward.

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Original poster
handlemecarefully · 04/07/2005 14:11

Um - right. Perhaps I should have asked her to speak to him for that reason......

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katierocket · 04/07/2005 14:13

I am sure she will keep a close eye on it hmc. What was her reaction when you told her? I think this kind of allegation (for want of a better word) is the kind nursery managers dread.