going to be a 'bad' mummy later.........

[QueenOfQuotes]

have to take DS1 to his induction afternoon (2nd one - hoping he doesn't throw up like he did last week LOL) at his new school.........thing is DS2 has his sleep at 1pm-3pm - and the induction afternoon starts at 1.30

So I'm going to put DS2 down for his sleep as usual, at 1.30 on the dot grab the monitor, lock the front door and whizz round to the school to drop DS1 off - then whizz back again

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seem to be a lot of what ifs in your scenario QE
what if there ws a fire
what if someone broke in
what if a big bear escaped from the zoo

QE made a calculated risk based on the knowledge she has of her children.

the 13year old who is nearly 14 would have done what everyother babysitter int he land would have done if anything happened
phoned for help

thats besically what babysitters do - they are there to press your number or 999 for help.

QE wouldnt go out knowing she had multiple children waking up in the night.

my 15 year old son has been babysitting my 12 year old twins for over a year. whilst we go to the pub a tthe bottom of the street.

where QE's situation and mine differ in my mind is that - i wouldnt go out until 2.30 and i wouldnt go into town.

re QOQ;s situation ........how many mumsnetters told another mumsnetter it was fine to go out and have a drink taking out a baby monitor whilst on holiday on another thread. " same as a hotel monitoring service to me" and similar voiced opinions.
i dont see the difference. oh yes the diff would be QOQ wouldnt be drinking and wouldnt be talking as long.

I was resisting the temptation to add to this thread and allow it to die peacefully....

... but as it has started up again, something has been puzzling me: do all those that condemned QoQ and others who supported her (on this thread and on Nannyjobs) ever sleep themselves? Surely when they are asleep, then the children that they are looking after are less "attended" than QoQ's ds2 was? If you are in deep sleep, then it would take a minute or two, even if you had a baby monitor (and many people don't) to register tthat there was somethng wrong.
I genuinely don't understand the logic.

To be fair, I can see from an "employed" perspective (such as a nanny), that they don't have the flexibility to make that judgement - it's easier for parents to make that risk assessment for thier own child.

Burchill, you and your prose. No-one wants your prose, they want my straight talking.

I am better than you, I am I am Iam.

Good point Prettybird and Custardo.

Everything in life is a balance of risk. It is legal to babysit from age 14, and I was certainly looking after 2 or 3 children at a time till well after midnight at 14. We've also had 14 year old babysitters for our 2 children, though not for late evenings. In fact, the hardest time I found babysitting was when I had 2 children to look after for a whole day - 9 in the morning till 6 in the evening when I was about 15 - children were 3 and 5. I took them ice skating!

As far as risks at petrol stations - someone said 'what if a crazed gunman held up the petrol station and my kids were locked in the car' - tbh if a crazed gunman held up the petrol station, I'd MUCH rather my kids were safe in the car than in the line of fire in the shop.

There is no legal age to leave a child - I assume because children vary so much in their maturity, and a 13 year old may not be at risk where a 15 year old would. So the law states that a child should not be 'at risk by being left' - i.e. it's the parents' judgement, and if something happened then they would be answerable.

Sooooooo bored that I've just read this thread - took nearly half an hour.
Very funny in places. Was stunned that one mum takes her children into the loo with her.
I think we stunt our children's development by being too protective. Some 13 year old girls are incredibly capable and sensible. A parent knows their own child best and knows exactly whether or not they are able to babysit their siblings.
As for all those who "outlaw" a few minutes out of the home while a baby is asleep in its cot, it seems to me you are not really taking into the consideration the risk involved - virtually nill.
I hope all of you who bang on so heartily about the awful things that could happen to the sleeping baby in its cot have been fully trained in child resusitation and been on all the courses necessary to deal with any potential disaster that may befall your child while in your own care! After all every time you put food in your child's mouth there is a risk that they will choke. I'm not joking or being facetious.

when with the kids...3 of them... always feel should be protecting them. but harm is not in our hands, we can do all we can, but in the end it's up to fate and them alone. i find being overprotective with my 3 has resulted in a viscious circle... i don't let go... so they don't take the initiative to look after themselves. i end up clearing up after them, and then not spending quality time with them. recently i have changed this, and as a result they have surprised me, and i have been much more fun and relaxed. it's hard to let go, but it's got to be done for everyone's sake.

I hope you will be taking us through all htis again next week, QoQ?

But make better use of your time, hey? If you put a pan of chips on just as you leave the house, maybe leave a sausage under the grill - and put the iron on to heat-up, you could come home to a nice lunch, and get straight into your ironong.

Then put the whole multi-tasking tip on the MN home page??

Blu!

bum

Actually we phoned every half hour til she said she was ready for bed which iirc was about just after midnight or so. She is one of those teenagers who ARE responsible and sensible; always has been since very little. And on a weekend she likes to stay up late as she has a strict 10pm bedtime during the school week so we weren't forcing her to stay awake.

Her room is right next to the babies' room, which is separated only by a chipboard partition AND she had the monitor on her bedside table AND the doors were wide open. She couldn't have been any closer to them without co-sleeping! All of my kids sleep solidly through the night and I was confident if they did wake they would be easily settled by dd. She has done it numerous times when we have been at home because she has been right there when she's been watching tv in her room or something, so she knows what she's doing.

I accept we probably stayed out a little too late and in hindsight I shall not do it til that late again. We were probably about half a mile away from the house. We will go out again in a few weeks' time when we feel we need a break again, leaving dd in charge again.

I believe the risks of leaving my very respeonsible almost 14 year old dd in charge of my others at that time of night is far less risky than leaving her to cope with them for the same amount of time during the day when she would have to deal with the demands of two babies' needs AND arguments between the older two boys. Now, THAT would be out of order and I would never contemplate leaving her in charge in those circumstances.

still going???

"I hope you will be taking us through all htis again next week, QoQ? "

Sorry to disappoint - his induction day is in the morning next week (so DS2 will be awake) and have a friend coming to babysit as I've got to play for a funeral at church

I'll let you know if it happens in September though (I'm 'hoping' DS2 still has his naps then - although DS1 stopped his naps at 18 months!)

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Talking of 'choking' or 'fitting' babies.

Talking to one of DS1's friends mum's today (who I'm also good friends with).

her DS wasn't at nursery yesterday - as she had fallen down the stairs (only down 4 steps) and knocked herself out - literally!. Only other person in the house was her DS2 (who's just turned 4). Thankfully she's 'drummed' into him that if anything happens and he's left on his own that he had to go to his nana's house (same side of the street - just a minute or 2's walk away). Anyhow he had the sense to do that (after finding the key and unlocking the front door on his own ) and told his nana that "mummy's sleeping on the stairs".

Thankfully she was ok - but it does make you think that do our CHILDREN know what to do if something happens to us at home.

Made me realise if I fell downstairs after putting DS2 down for his nap at 1am (with DS1 at nursery) I probably wouldn't be 'found' until around 4.30 - as nursery would no doubt try and ring me first if I didn't pick DS1 up, then when they didn't get through they'd have to ring DH - who would have to drive back from Northampton, pick DS1 up and then come home to see what had happened .

Quite scary really - at least if I'd been knocked over 'outside' the house someone would find me (and most of my neighbours know - me as do the teachers at the school!).

dd might not know how to cope with a fitting baby any more than I would tbh. She can use a telephone though and she can run next door to my neighbour's if it was a desperate situation.

We did have adult babysitters but my usual one has gone away to the USA. Another one we had as a standby used to sit a lot for us too. Seemed reliable and responsible as she was a trainee NNEB nanny for a nursery. I have found out recently she is an out and out slapper who drinks, smokes and sleeps with anyone who looks in her direction. That's not the kind of influence I want around my teenage dd.

I hear what you are all saying, those of you who have expressed surprise, shock and out-and-out disgust that I would do this. We all have our own ways of parenting, we all assess risks differently and we all have children of enormously variable capabilties. What is right for me may not be right for the next person. Neither is wrong or right.

Oh, what a little sweetheart. How brave of him.

QofQ - you have reminded me of a time when I used to do role play with my kids as a way of teaching them what to do in an emergency. I pretended I was unconscious on the floor and ds2 (about 5 at the time I think) said "I know what to do mummy - call 999 and ask for an ambulance." Oooh clever boy I thought until 5 minutes later the phone rang and it was the emergency services saying they had received a 999 call from this number!!! I had to grovel and apologise for "allowing" ds to play with the phone! I didn't realise he had actually dialled it - I thought he was pretending the same as I was! I was so embarrassed.

has this thing kicked off yet?

(copyright. SW)

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Wrong to who mumof2?

It isn't wrong in the eyes of the law. IMO it would have been wrong if it was for 3-4 hours during the daytime when they were all awake. It would have been wrong if I went believing my dd was not capable.

Do you think it would have been better for me to employ the "slapper" I described in a previous post, even though she is 19 and considered an adult?

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I can see how a child of 13 could be mature etc and kunow what to do.

I spend longer than 2 1/2 minutes putting washing out without a monitor.

However, you chose to have this many children, your dd didnt and I dont think it is fair for her to be responsible whilst you go out clubbbing until 2.30 am!

That makes no sense to me. What did your dh think about it?

Did you enjoy yourselves or were you just worried the whole time?

I used to babysit when I was 14 and I was mature etc but would have struggled with that responsibility. Hell, I'd struggle with that kind of responsibility now!

Still, I dont doubt you did what you thought was okay and thankgod nothing happened to them.

Would you feel any differently if it was daytime than nighttime?

I think if it were a regular thing I'd be against it.

When I was in my teens, I had to look after my brother (10 years younger than me) every day after school while my parents were at work. So I could never go to after school clubs, friends houses, etc. and frankly it was bloody unfair on me. Also at the weekends, when my mum was working, I had charge of my db (because of course, my father had to have leisure time, being the wage earner).

I'm not against teenagers being roped into help occasionally, but when it's so regular that they can't pursue a normal teenage life, then it's not on (not that I'm assuming that's what your DD is doing, QE).

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