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Original poster

What does everyone think of Fathers 4 Justice?

265 replies

starrynight · 13/06/2005 15:47

I only ask because my sister is being terrorised by her ex who was violent toward her throughout her pregnancy (she left when babe was 1 mth old & lived in a refuge for about 2 years - he was about to beat her up only 4 wks after having a Caesarean).

It seems to me she has no rights at all - He disappeared for a year and then turned up demanding to see his son, hasn't paid a penny maintainance, is basically disruptive and manipulative. She has been forced to go to mediation (where she was removed from the room for her own safety) but has to continue with it or 'it will look bad'. He is denying all the abuse and although police were called he was never charged.

Her solicitor and the mediator are telling her that basically, he will get access to her son & within 3-6months will be entitled to have him for weekends. I think this is appalling - where are the rights of the child?

Anyway, I can't help thinking that Fathers 4 Justice are sheltering and supporting fathers like him - he is a fantastically manipulative man and could convince anyone that she is a hysterical liar. Who is there to protect the women and children???

OP posts:
mandyc66 · 15/06/2005 17:07

sorry was finishing ds3 lolly and couldnt type!!!
Money isnt the big issue but as I said just because there is a maritial split the dad shouldnt shirk his responsibilities!
But that isnt what we are talking about is it!!
we were discussing the views of ffj!!!!

rickman · 15/06/2005 17:10

Message withdrawn

mandyc66 · 15/06/2005 17:14

if the 2 parents lived together then they just have to pay out for the child why is it different when they split. Why doesnt the absent parent realise that its the child that suffers. Mine cut my maintainance when my partner moved in and then again when I had another baby!!! in 3 years mine has gone down by over 150 a month...

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 17:16

Aha, well mainly its to do with second families suffering financially. Before the CSA, how can you account for one father only paying £200 per month for two children with another having to pay £1,100 a month for two children. Does the £200 per month kids somehow cost less to run than the £1,100 per months kids?

monkeytrousers · 15/06/2005 17:16

Backlash registered. I humbly apologise!

mandyc66 · 15/06/2005 17:17

isnt worked out on what is earned?

rickman · 15/06/2005 17:18

Message withdrawn

mandyc66 · 15/06/2005 17:23

I meant isnt it!!! any way off to feed the brood!!!! bread and jam again!!! lol. only joking

happymerryberries · 15/06/2005 17:24

GA, but shouldn't all a of a man's children benefit from his earnings? If he earns more why shouldn't the children from his first marriage benefit?

My MIL was divorced by her husband. He paid the legal minimum he was reuired to (pre CSA). She was so strapped for cash her kids had free school meals. He then went of to become a near millionaire. But he never paid her a penny more than he had to, not even for her to take them on holiday. Was that fair?

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 17:27

Christ (whoops blasphemy) We would rather pay the money than let them take an age to cock it up. I am just pointing it out how unfair it is. Surely a child has a fixed amount or thereabouts that it costs per month, you know an average. Regardless of Fathers income that amount should be recommended. Example: if a father gets a couple of promotions (his own efforts, may be assisted by new partner or wife) why should he have to share the benefits with the ex partner, when in most cases it is blindingly obvious that she can more than cope with what she has got to give the kids a good time. (This is not to suggest that the kids are hard done by, only that they get what is needed.)

happymerryberries · 15/06/2005 17:32

Shouldn't he feel some responsibility to his children and take greater care of their mmaterial needs?

If he has more money, why should his children benefit?

Or do they have to dress in hand me downs from charity shops (as dh did) while growing up? After all they were clothed.

Sorry but that is just a horrible attitude. When you are kids, they are for life. If you benefit , so should they. You could bet you bottom dollar that if dh's father had become worse off he would have given up paying

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 17:36

HMB, Thats right, I dont want kids to be in hand me downs and they are not. They have far too much and its apparant that they are swimming in cash. New kitchen, new bathroom,new windows. (house only 6yrs old)! Childrens entertainment is shopping trips for clothes for Mum and clothes that they already have far too many of. Mother has just got healthy inheritance too. ( Does dad get any benefits from this)?

happymerryberries · 15/06/2005 17:40

I haven't commented on your situation, sice I obviously don't know anything about it.

However to say that there is a 'basic level' of child care that first families should bget is every bit as unfair and expecting second families to do without for the first.

Why shouldn't a man earning more pay more to his first family if he can afford it? Why should men be able to walk away from their first families? (as happened pre CSA)

As I said dh's 'father' is a near millionare and yet he paid so little suppoort they were dressed in charity clothes and had free school meals. He was earning more and I feel that they had a right to some of his money. they were his reponsibility after all.

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 17:41

Their material needs are taken care of. Its their spiritual needs that need taking care of and x doesnt allow him to participate!! funny that, Cash for Kids

monkeytrousers · 15/06/2005 18:38

Edam - isn't this just what F4J do though? If we know their weaknesses we can develop a sound argument against them. A practical and accessible one for anyone who finds themselves in the firing line?

mandyc66 · 15/06/2005 19:05

I dont believe some of what I am reading.
Its like you are saying his children from his second marriage or even just his wif are more important than his children from his first..well that attitude stinks!!!!
you obviously only can see it from your side of the fence

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 20:19

[This should liven it up a bit]
If you have an old car and a new car on the drive, which one do you take the most care and pride in?

monkeytrousers · 15/06/2005 20:25

Hmmmm.. You read them forums yet, Angel?

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 20:28

Sorry Monkey, been too busy winding this thread up. Im off now to take a look

monkeytrousers · 15/06/2005 20:29

S'alright. My turn to be in the dog house today.

happymerryberries · 15/06/2005 20:32

GA, what a horrible thing to say.

And if you end up the old car, how smug will you be then? How happy will you be to allow the father of your children to pay your kids less, because they have 'enough'

Shame on you.

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 20:40

hmb I have been that old car. I had to accept that things were not the same and I had to move on to make a future. I took some of the responsibility for the break up. (i did nothing wrong) but we obviously werent right for each other else it would never of broken down.

Guardianangel · 15/06/2005 20:42

Monkey, tried to find info but found lots of support for F4J. Have you got a specific web site?

happymerryberries · 15/06/2005 20:44

I still think that your comment was well out of order.

You seem to be infering that it is quite alright for a man to walk away from his first marriges children and only pay them enough to cover their minimal needs, regardless of his income

The old car/new car comment was vile. Are his first children the 'old' car to be ignored for his 'new car' children?

remember that there are lots of mums on MN going through this now and your comments were unnecessarily hurtful and done to get a rise out of people. Think a little before you post just for the hell of it?

monkeytrousers · 15/06/2005 20:45

Just tried and the the links I have are now all dead. Melanie Phillips forum seems to have disappeared too. Anyone else had any luck?

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