Need advice - dc3 is 2 weeks old...i'm not managing to deal with all three!

[SpawnChorus]

DC3 seems to cry a lot! I have a 3 and a 4 year old and they are getting bored / playing up / being v disobedient, but i'm too tied down with dc3 to do much about it. dc2 is currently still in his pajamas and is refusing to get dressed. yesterday this resulted in (my) utter meltdown...smacing and shouting.

on the days they have nursery i have to walk there and back 3 times. i think this is resulting in my lochia getting worse.

i don't really have anyone i can ask to help out.

wtf do ido?

apols for typing...screaming babe on lap...argh!

And I'm sitting here in cruddy milk-stained clothes with no make-up and the house is a pig sty.

[not happy emoticon]

I don't think I have any advice really but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Poor you, it sounds horrible. I'm sure in a week's time it will feel completely different.

Do you know any of the other nursery mums who could maybe help with the pickups/dropoffs? You definitely need some help and backup! I know HomeStart offer support to mums through volunteers - is it worth contacting them?

It's hard isn't it, I had 3 that age and the first few months were stressful. It did get better, it's lovely having 3 close in age when they're a bit bigger but we did struggle in the early days with the relentlessness of it.

Is there anyone else going to nursery you can ask to help with some of the journeys? People tend to be quite sympathetic, I found.

Otherwise, you CAN take a child to nursery in their pyjamas, you CAN use more TV than usual, feed more junk food than usual, cut corners more than you might have in the past. It's only temporary that it's this hard, lowering your standards on all fronts now doesn't mean you will do so for ever.

What you do is DON'T give yourself a hard time
Give yourself a break
It doesn't matter if you don't do anything much for a while
Buy easy meals for you all (like microwave cottage pie, fishfingers etc)
Let the older ones watch tv/DVD's
Have sofa days- chill out, read books, snuggle up

If you can work up the energy then take a short walk at some pint or trip to the park.

Mine are now 4.5y, 3y and 17mths and it seems so easy now!! It will get much better and easier but for now just accept that things will not be 'normal' for a while!

Misread the nursery thing- is there somwhere you can go while nursery is on- a coffee shop or something?

Or could you get the bus for one of the trips?

Also, they don't have to go to nursery. If it is making your lochia worse then you are not up to it. Just speak to the nursery teachers and say that for the next few weeks they may not be in everyday as you are finding it too difficult. Unless of course you'd rather they were out of the house.

I know I didn't make it on a few occasions and my dc3 was 4mths when dc1 started nursery and I have a car!!!

Also, buy yourself some treats on your nursery slogs, chocolate or cake and a magazine, and then sit down and enjoy the time with just the baby while the others are out.

(unsurprisingly, I never lost weight while breastfeeding, but I did enjoy all the chocolate and cake and cuddling the baby on the sofa)

Tell your HV and give sure start a call. Take all offers of help and ask DH to do most childcare at the weekend, ease the burden of guilt by doing lots and lots with them. Let your dcs sort boxes, drawers anything, lots of cbeebies!!

thanks all...it's good to get it off my chest!

i think i will cut down on the nursery runs...although it's a bit grim slobbing around at home with all three dcs.

the not-getting-dressed thing (dc2) is driving me beserk....any tips?

I used to put dd1 (4) out in the back garden, with her clothes, and not let her back in til she was dressed. While I sorted the toddler and newborn. It worked, she'd get dressed (especially on cold days). When I've posted that before most people on mumsnet seem to see this as a bit draconian, but with 3 under 5 and a school/nursery run sometimes you need a bit of martial law, IMO.

I upped the days in nursery for my 2yo when I had dd3, life was far easier with toddler dd2 out of the way. She was a very relentless sort of toddler though.

Have just sent you a CAT message. I'm in a similar situation. I have a rule that if we are going out in the morning, all children ( not me or baby) have to be dressed before we go downstairs. Tv does not get switched on until they are dressed.

It is hard in the early days having 3. DD2 (DC3 was a crier for the first few weeks too so I really empathise).

Totally agree with Fennel, use as many shortcuts as you can. You can buy really good kids ready meals nowadays and it doesnt matter if baby does the nursery run in pj's so long as they are warm enough with blankets, hats, etc.

Things will fall into place once lo has established more of a routine and then things will be MUCH easier, I promise

Come round to mine it will make you feel much better! The house is just about above dysentry level, but it's a close call. Dc3 is 7 weeks and it's been the longest 7 weeks of my life. It is the most beautiful sunny day here and they've got the blinds drawn watching tv. The 2y0 seems to have stopped wanting to sleep, I've lost £40, most of dd's bloody school shirts, the dogs got a pus filled eye, I washed a nappy with the clothes and then left it so it all smells, you CANNOT see my bed for a random assortment of clothes, and guess what the baby's crying

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

peppermint - thanks for the message . will reply later.

fennel - lol at the garden trick! perhaps if i try that now, i can knock DS's clothing-refusal on the head before the mornings get too frosty

baskingseals - i think i love you. i lolled at the dog's pus filled eye (poor dog)

dc3 has AT LAST decided to have a nap...he's in my arms and i daren't move, even though i'm gasping for a drink.

Spawn - glad I made you laugh.
Top tips for coping - I've found the hoover has come in very handy, low setting, nozzle off, ds1 hoovers his hair, lego, the poor dog etc

shameless bribery, and I mean shameless usually involving lots of e numbers

lots of tv, please don't feel guilty about this, I do and i've had to give myself a stern talking to - it's so short lived, they wont remember or be affected, and it takes so much pressure of you.

balloons lots of them - blow them up and let them go

when the baby finally sleeps and can be put down, reallt focus on the other 2,cuddles tickle even 5 mins will make you feel less of a bag for having another baby and no time for them

knock nursery on the head for a few weeks, unless it's worth it

thinking of you and sending lots of luck

Right, have had a drink and have applied make-up. I now feel semi-human.

hoover = genius

DCs have watched...er...more than the recommended daily amount today and I will be switching it on again when they get bored with the playdoh (or when it starts getting squished into inappropriate places).

I'm pretty sure I have a stash of balloons somewhere...will go and rummage.

Thanks again for the tips and ideas and most of all solidarity It really does help to know that others are suffering I'm not alone.

oh yes and we've all got nits

Can I recommend Homestart to you - they really can make a difference with a volunteer coming to visit once a week - they're really well trained and will give you whatever support you ask for.

I sympathise with you, it can be so hard with 3.

I also have 3, I have afew things which I do to make the morning routine go a little easier. Even though DS2 is now 17 months.
After giving DS2 his milk I dress him straight away after changing his nappy. DS1 3.4 months after his first morning wee I dress him in the bathroom.
At least then two things have been done 1st thing in the morning.

Oh for fuck's fucking sake

DH has just phoned to say that he has to go away to paris for a few days next week.

FUCK.

I can't bear it.

well number one - it definitely means some nice pressies for you, number 2 he will owe you big time, really big. He has to swear on their lives that he will take the older 2 out for some jolly japes, while you stay at home and mumsnet/feed the baby.

Thinking about these things will help you get through the tunnel of darkness.

It is hard but it isn't the older children's fault you are shattered.

The baby really doesn't need much more than a full tummy and a clean nappy so concentrate on sorting out the older children.

Make up? Not a priority if you are staying in but if it makes you feel better it won't help if you are then miserable after shouting and smacking.

It doesn't matter about getting dressed if you are in and actually, take ds out in his pyjamas. Pick you battles and it will get easier.

urgh my dh has booked a ski trip as he needs to relax from the dc!

i told him i hope he breaks something- and i was only half joking

mrseverton because I read your post via threads I am on and thought he had booked a strip something!

SC I am pretty good at helping out if any good and near you....