Need advice - dc3 is 2 weeks old...i'm not managing to deal with all three!

[SpawnChorus]

DC3 seems to cry a lot! I have a 3 and a 4 year old and they are getting bored / playing up / being v disobedient, but i'm too tied down with dc3 to do much about it. dc2 is currently still in his pajamas and is refusing to get dressed. yesterday this resulted in (my) utter meltdown...smacing and shouting.

on the days they have nursery i have to walk there and back 3 times. i think this is resulting in my lochia getting worse.

i don't really have anyone i can ask to help out.

wtf do ido?

apols for typing...screaming babe on lap...argh!

I really truly sympathise. When ds was born dd12 was 3.5 and dd2 was 2.2. He is now 6 months and last night I had my first 4 hours of unbroken sleep since he was born and I feel amazing!!! It's tough, really tough. I honestly think that the key is accepting that this is just a phase of your life when your standards and expectations are lower, it will pass, and if you're all in one piece by the time it does then you have succeeded. The following have helped me a lot:

1. I NEED a shower in the morning, I can NOT function without one, I would feel grotty and failing all day. If this means getting up far too early then so be it, but not having a shower is the thing which would send me over the edge. On top of that, I know it is shallow, but if I present a coping picture to the world, then when people say to me I look like I am coping then it a hugely positive effect on my mood and ability to cope. Here comes the shallow bit, look likw you're coping the easy way with ....................lipstick! OK if you don't do lippy, then just brush your teeth or something, but you know what I mean!
2. Get a sling. Put the new baby in a sling, feed them in it, do everything you need to doo with the baby in the sling. I got this one and it saved my sanity. The new baby is surprisingly low maintenence compared to the others.
3. Sort out dc clothes the night before and if ds refuses to get dressed, take him out in pjs. Take clothes in bag with you for when he regrets it.
4. I wouldn't reduce the nursery. I think it's really important that they keep going, if they enjoy it. Is it really that far to walk? The only thing that's going to make it easier is doing it over and over again. Force yourself. It's a pita, but will be a liberation once you're on top of it.
5. Pyjama bags: Each child has a bag of some sort so that their pjs and nappy if necessaryu is ready for them at bed time, after bath, whatever.
6. Lower your standards/expectations. It doesn't matter if home is a mess. This is a phase. Also for this phase it really doesn't matter how much tv your dc watch, although I personally would find it depressing with the curtains closed.
7. Delegate; can you get a cleaner?
8. Don't be hard on yourself, esp re smacking/shouting, it's very natural. When you feel this cross, try to find somewhere to go, just step away, and reward yourself well if you don't lose your temper
9. The most depressing one. Your dh is not going to do a fat lot more than he did before. This is your problem. I only put this in because this is the one point I found hardest to swallow.

Good luck, you will be fine. It feels impossible right now, but it will be great, and you will cope!!!

Have you got any friends with helpful teenagers that can come and amuse the children, I've a 13 year old who helps out various friends she is amazing with children, I'll gladly send her if your anywhere near us, believe me she'll have you sorted in no time.
This awful time will pass, I always hate the first 12 weeks, it takes me that long to start feeling vaguely human again.

sympathies - i was where you were not too long ago and i remember feeling it was hopeless - all those folk who said the transition from 2 to 3 was easy - i did not know what they were on about!

Mine are now 5.7, 2.7 and 10m, and while it's still hard going it's more manageable. It wil get easier for you, honestly.

Accept help whenever it's offered.

Have you got a swing or something to put the baby in while you get on with the other 2? I had a fisher price papasan swing and I swear to God, it saved my sanity. He would sleep in it and just be happy in it for big chunks of the day.

In the evening, concentrate on getting the older 2 fed, and into bed at a reasonably early hour, then try to grab a few peaceful hours to yourself if the baby's asleep.

I totally know how hard this is for you. FWIW, my dh lives abroad so I'm doing this on my own all the time! He'll be back at Xmas but my god it's so hard.

You're doing well. This too shall pass.

spawn, hope you're doing okay this morning, i'm feeling a bit dysfunctional. Agree with what everybody says about lowering standards, shall try to lower them even more - try to enjoy your moments - take care

Thanks everyone

FAB - I don't think you;re near me (Edinburgh) but THANK YOU for your offer Very kind, and cheering to know there are lovely people out there!

Dan - I feel kind of sad about it all as I loved the early days with my other two...but they were both v chilled babies and this one is (so far) a little er...feisty.

mrseverton - OMG. I would explode!

Minky - totally agree with shower (and def make-up in my case...my god I need it nowadays!). I think that was what sent me into a slough of despond the other day.

kitkat - I am in utter awe of people who have to deal with kids on their own for days / weeks / months at a time.

baskingseals - standards are truly rock bottom now. Fridge is stuffed entirely with ready meals. Cloth nappies have been abandoned. I'm studiously ignoring the tumbleweed-sized balls of cat hair[drifting round the skirting boards grin]

I only have two, but some more being at home suggestions...

there are some really good child friendly, interactive websites that keep the children entertained for a while (eg ones on musical instruments/animals/rocks/ whatever) You get to sit still and think about something other than children.

Cooking together is good as you get the meal done, and the children are entertained. especially something like french onion soup with cheese straws; they can peel all the onions and garlic for you, then make the cheese biscuits (4oz flour, 4oz butter, 4oz grated cheese). roll & use like playdough. bake at 180 for 10 mins or until brown.

Dressing up is another good one, as is making a tent/cushion house.

and reading to them is great too. make a picnic for you all, slob out on the floor.

I found that when I tried to do other things I went mad as my brain could only do one thing at a time. when I focus on entertaining them, I actually enjoy it and manage to block out everything else I'm meant to do!

I was just about to start a thread asking for help with about to keep my 2 yo dd entertained whilst 4 yo ds is at school and I'm 38 weeks pg.

Looks like it could be a long haul once the baby's here too. What was I thinking?!?!?

I'm particularly heartened by MinkyBorage's tips.

winky, when I was in that situation, I'd take DD into the bath/shower with me in the morning. She'd play in the water with her cups and what-have-you while I had a lovely long shower (you do have to keep letting a bit of water ou). Then carry on playing when I got out!

Try using a kitchen timer as the ultimate authority -- DC has to be dressed before it rings, in the bathroom while pajamas are off to go potty? There's no arguing with the timer. Then lots of hugs for compliance. Try to get yourself a shower and clean clothes on in the morning before DH leaves. Get out while DCs are at nursery and buy yourself clothes so you'll have at least something clean to change into when you get covered in milk, even if it's just a selection of t-shirts. This will cut down on laundry and you'll feel fresh.

And this is what TV is made for. Mine watched about 6 hours a day at times and I don't care who knows that. I would really be tempted to skip nursery while DH is away.

can DH not get 2 yr old up and slap a cloth round his face, brush teeth and send him down stairs dressed before he has left his room? You could be in the shower while he is doing this if you got up early enough (i Know, easier said then done). Just mean DH could see to most difficult DC at the moment. Apart from when he is in Paris - The bastard !

Just found this thread and it has really helped me.

I had a complete meltdown today at my DCs. I have 3 DCs, 3.5 yrs, 2.1 yrs and 10 mths. I am also 5 months pg and finding it very tiring.

Anyway, DC3 just seems to winge every waking moment and I never get a chance to do anything nice with the other 2 so they get fed up. I ended up putting DC3 in his cot to scream for about an hour until DH came home because I just couldn't pick him up anymore. And been feeling very guilty about hours of TV older 2 are watching.

Sorry, this post has not helped OP but just to let you know you are not alone. And a big thank you to everyone who has offered advice because it has certainly helped me to know I am not alone and one day it will be better.

The hoover tip is GENIUS btw. Kids have been playing with it for over an hour, the dust bunnies are disappearing and DC3 is having a looong nap due to the soothing white noise.

Brilliant.

Oh and I got a box of very swanky Parisian macaroons from DH

Peppermint - just realised I haven't replied to your email yet

How are you getting on?

I sometimes let my DCs loose with window cleaner and a roll of paper towels, when they got bored with the hours and hours of tv -- I have an 80s laminate kitchen . They have also done the skirting boards with a box of baby wipes and cleaned all their dolls on occasion.

Mathanxiety - Do you sit there thinking "Mwahahahah....suckers!"

Yes, even if they do manage to use up almost half a squirty bottle every time. They are so thrilled to be 'helping'. If only I had a box of delicious Parisian macaroons to nibble while watching them .