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Original poster

What do you do when you have made so many mistakes you don't know how to fix them?

39 replies

IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 18:55

When your kids fight and argue all day, when they won't listen, whey they constantly tell tales and hit each other, when they act like they would be happier without their siblings and you are too tired, sad, worn down and fed up to know what to do?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
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BonsoirAnna · 03/10/2009 18:57

How many children do you have?

foxinsocks · 03/10/2009 18:58

drink

go back to work

probably not in that order

Ingles2 · 03/10/2009 18:58

you haven't made so many mistakes... all children can be trying...
so how many and what ages?

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Ingles2 · 03/10/2009 18:59

fox!
I'm not sure that's what she's looking for

JeMenFous · 03/10/2009 19:01

I want to Live on a farm too

I too am experiencing this life so I will watch this thread with interest and hope there are some life changing answers........

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 19:04

Already drinking

Working not an option

8 and under

I am just so tired fed up with myself never mind the kids behaviour.

Love isn't all you need, apparently.

OP posts:
Ingles2 · 03/10/2009 19:05

how many kids?

foxinsocks · 03/10/2009 19:06

you see, I was being a bit facetious but tbh, I think everyone feels a bit like this sometimes.

Gawd, parenting is relentless (a bit like marriage really )

is it just you or is there a dp/dh?

maybe you could do with a bit of time away

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 19:08

3

I have a dh who is the most amazing dad but he is at a loss what to do as well.

OP posts:
RedLentil · 03/10/2009 19:08

Can you sit them down and have a bit of a conference about it.

Say that none of you want to go on like this and ask them to help draw up some rules for how to interact.

Be liberal in declaring bans on things you really hate, and decide on penalties /rewards then stick to them.

I did this at the start of the summer with my oldest two (6 and 3) who had last the run of themselves a bit and it really worked.

Sorry to hear you are feeling so low.

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 19:10

What jobs should they be doing at 8 6 and 4 as they really object to helping in the house and don't see why they should put anything anyway if they haven't been playing with it. I tell them I haven't either but I still do it.

OP posts:
foxinsocks · 03/10/2009 19:12

well the older ones (I would think) should be

clearing their plates
helping pack the dishwasher
tidying up any mess they make
tidying their rooms
helping with any basic cleaning

that sort of thing...

mine are a similar age and do those things but quite often, it is under duress

andlipsticktoo · 03/10/2009 19:14

FIS you make me laugh!

IWTLOAF I feel like this some days too - I have 3 ds by the way, and some days all they seem to do is argue with each other, but then they have other days when they play beautifully and have so much fun together. I guess that's what it's like growing up with siblings - you practise all your arguing and debating skills on them. Tiring for the parents though eh?

foxinsocks · 03/10/2009 19:14

thing is, if you are feeling shite about yourself, ALL of this seems FAR too much like hard work

I have days where I really cannot be bothered to chase after them and they know that. The more they spot that in you, the more they start taking a chance with not doing it. That's what I found.

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 19:15

They clear their plates, I prefer to do the dishwasher, very rarely tidy up any mess and definitely is painful. Tidying their rooms is debatable and i don't ask them to clean other than sweep the floor where most of their dinner seems to go .

OP posts:
andlipsticktoo · 03/10/2009 19:17

Are they better if you are out of the house? Mine are, I try to do lots of outdoor, active things - it keeps the house tidier too!

RedLentil · 03/10/2009 19:20

I have also in the past gone on a very dramatic strike.

They were asked to tidy up a lot and ignored me a lot, so one Sunday I declared I was on strike, made a huge performance of besporting myself across a sofa with the Sunday papers and a sandwich and said they would have to fend for themselves for the afternoon.

They made some truly boaktastic chicken and cheese sandwiches before caving in to the fact that I am actually quite handy to have around.

They thought the whole thing was a bit of an adventure as well as a lesson.

DS still has to have his ears singed off in order to tidy, but it had a great effect for a while.

foxinsocks · 03/10/2009 19:23

I mean, what I am saying in my roundabout way lol, is that you need to fix yourself first. Then you will find the strength to deal with the children. When you are 'tired, worn down and sad' all of this is too much to handle.

When you are feeling a bit more envigorated, you will find tactics to deal with the behaviour (like andlipsticktoo, I dragged mine out a lot, even just for a walk round the corner to look for acorns and conkers when they were like this)

Danthe4th · 03/10/2009 19:29

I'm dreading the long winter nights, today has been hard enough, I usually work saturdays and have been with dh and the kids all day and i'm panicking about winter, the kids have spent so much time just playing outsidefor the last 4 months or so that suddenly the house seems tiny again.
Take them all swimming or some activity to break the day up, try doing it after they have done their share of chores in the morning, mine all do some, the youger boys are great at cleaning the skirting with flash wipes!!

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 19:46

One of mine says he will only do what I ask if I pay him, let him build a fire in the garden, get him something he wants from the loft, etc etc.

OP posts:
RedLentil · 03/10/2009 20:09

Well, I would lay down the law to him about rights and responsibilities at the family talk tbh.

It sounds like he has got wind of how worn down you are and is testing the water in terms of claiming to be your equal.

You are the boss, not your ds.

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 20:11

I tried telling him I was the boss once and I got that I wasn't, I was his skivvy and he was the boss of him.

OP posts:
RedLentil · 03/10/2009 20:19

I don't want to make you feel worse. And you clearly feel awful ...

But if he is acting like this at 8, and isn't checked on it, then at 13, things are going to be tricky.

Saying once that you are his boss, and letting him have the last word is not enough. He can't have the last word in this kind of conversation ...

I have boy who is nearly 7 so I know how bolshy they can be, but there are lines they cannot cross, and if they do cross them there need to be penalties.

If the penalties have to be enforced 100s of times before they get the message about respect, so be it.

Original poster
IWantToLiveOnAFarm · 03/10/2009 20:21

Penalties are our problem.

As in, nothing seems to work or he just refuses to do them.

I am so rubbish.

OP posts:
TheMysticMasseuse · 03/10/2009 20:22

IWTLOF- is there anyway you can take one or two days off. it sounds to me like you have had enough. whcih is fair enough, we all feel like that sometimes.

ok I know you are going to say you can't- but really, think hard- can you go away for a night and let dh in charge? go to a relative, a friend, sleep in a hostel or whatever. you need to step away from your situation so you can see things more clearly, and recharge your batteries.

then think about what it is that you don't like. then convince yourself you have the power to change them. there are no mistakes (even if you have made them) that can't be rectified.

books can help- a good one often quoted on MN is "how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk". professional help can also help- health visitor, gp etc can recommnend parenting seminars and counselling which can really be helpful. or try parentline

good lucK!!!