Things you never knew about newborns until you had one

[SmallScrewCap]

I enjoyed this thread about pregnancy so much, and I'm missing the craic now that I've actually popped with number 2. I reckon there's enough mileage in newborn mysteries to generate another one. I'm also surprised that, even though I've done it before, I'd forgotten so many of the oddities of those first few weeks.

So...

I didn't realise that colostrum sick would be mustard yellow.

I didn't realise that, for AT LEAST a month post-natally, my clothing would always be moist in at least 3 different places at a time (either of my own or of the baby's doing).

That the first night I was able to go to bed without large pants and a massive pad under my pyjamas, I would be so relieved and overjoyed that I would report the fact to DH with almost as much joy as when the test was positive 10 (11?) months previously.

That the cute little baby puckering-up face, which looks like an invitation to move in close for a kiss, actually heralds a belching projectile vomit

That all my figure-flattering, dark-coloured maternity/post-natal wear would be streaked in baby smears of white, cream and yellow, forcing an eBay visit to buy a host of beige elasticated garments.

P.S. Thanks to heylottie for the idea!

That they look like little tortoises

That they sound like creaking doors

That the soles of their feet are completely and utterly, unbelievably soft

That their bums are like wizened deflated balloons

I didn't realise that you can just sit and stare at your baby for hours without wanting to move.

Also, did not know how noisy they are when sleeping! was so shocked, thought something was wrong with my LO, with all the grunting and snorting etc

Yes, on the subject of bums:

How MASSIVE she made my toddler's bum look!

That EVERYONE will comment on how strong their neck is, as there is not a lot else to say.

That they can look like so many different people whilst actually looking like a small prune.

That often newborns don't make a single sound when they are sleeping

That they're actually very sturdy and after about a week you'll have forgotten how gingerly you used to handle other people's newborns as if they were made of glass.

And then you'll have to handle someone else's newborn and the fear will all come back (this could just be me).

That your newborn will be the most gorgeous being ever to grace the planet and you'll feel slightly sorry for all the other mothers in the hospital whose babies aren't as good looking.

A year later you'll look at the photos again... (again, this may just be me )

That they don't open their fists for ages. I think I saw the palm of my son's hand for the first time this past week. He's 16 weeks!

That their nails grown about an inch a day (or so it seems)!

That nothing is as wonderful as the first time they truly smile at you.

that you can actually survive on so little sleep.

that you can live in such a bubble for so long and that nothing else seems to matter (though with dc2 that bubble is burst a little as you do have to get dressed by mid day to get out of the door and subsisting on jacobs crackers is not enough for a growing toddler)

That such a large sound can come out if such a tiny bottom...

That a baby yawning is the cutest thing in the world...

they are much more fun than they look

That they're hairy

That your dreams about lovely, naked skin-to-skin cuddles would be overruled by worries about being pooed, peed and puked on.

That the urgent, rapid side-to-side rooting face is one of the funniest things you will ever see a human being do

That efforts to get the baby latched on to the breast are often hampered by him twatting himself repeatedly in the gob with his tiny fists of fury

that they can poo and puke with such great force that it can travel a long way!

I could never understand why people talked about the amount of extra washing a newborn baby created. I would think "eh? a babygro is tiny, how can a baby create X extra loads per week?" Then I had a baby that could simultaneously projectile vomit across a room and poo out of the neck (!) of her babygro....

That meconium is a lot harder to clean up than normal poop because it's so runny, greeny-black and greasy.

And that changing their first pooey nappy on the hospital bed with its pristine white sheets isn't a great idea.

and that they can have hairy tips of the ears.

that they can be SOOOO noisy at night (and that you should just ignore the grunting)

That they have a really, really rank umbilical cord stump. Seriously, why does no one prepare you for that? It would probably take the shine off shopping for clothes etc before the event I suppose, if you knew that underneath the bodysuit will be lurking a piece of bushmeat or one of those Pepperami things. Ugh.

That there is no babywipe strong enough to clean up that first poo.

That their eyes do not focus and they sometimes have a chameleon look.

And how they change an entire household and bring it to a halt!

yes yes TheProvincialLady

When both my DC's cords finally fell off, I gazed at their navels for a good 10 minutes too, just to check that they were functioning in the proper manner (i.e. not doing anything at all)

Not quite so cute, but I never knew that baby girls can have a kind of mini-period after they are born! Queue hysterical phone calls to the hospital as there is blood in the nappy!!!

That after a feed they may peer at you sideways out of one eye for up to 10 minutes in a frankly menacing manner; then suddenly the clouds part and they break into a flash of lop-sided windy smile.

And then puke again.