To parents of two or more children...

[m1nky]

Wondering if any of you can help me out with some homework I've got to do for my new course I've started.

I've been asked to talk to as many different parents with two or more children and ask them whether they noticed differences between their children during their first few days of life.

If you did, what differences did you notice? (this may be behaviour or anything you can think of) And have these differences remained?

If you can answer this for me I will be ever so grateful!

Thanks

My biggest thing was how different they looked! I don't know why but unconsiously I must have been expecting a replica baby, the very first thought I had when DD2 was put on my tummy was 'she can't be mine she doesn't look like DD1'

It took me about 24 hours to realise that of course DD2 was ours and she didn't look like DD1 because she was her own little person.

Behaviour wise I can't think of any big differences between the two of them in the first few days.

Hi m1nky
I've got two DDs and it was their sleeping or lack of it that was completely different,DD1 woke every 3 hrs from the minute she was born and DD2 did'nt wake for the first 24hrs,then slept through every night,hope thats some help and good luck with your course

Oh and yes they still do look completely different, different hair colour, different build, different eye colour.

Personalities are different as well but this wasn't obvious in the first few days.

yes. dd1 chilled and relaxed and easygoing from the start. slept an incredible 10 hours solid at 1.5 days old. remained a good sleeper and very chillled out, even now at 9.

dd2 more "normal" as a newborn i.e. didn't sleep through, more fidgety, more stressy. still is at 8.

dd3 another chilled out calm good sleeper and again, she's a relaxed calm 5yo (most of the time).

so my calm babies are still laid back children, and the stressy newborn is still stressy.

Hi m1nky- I have 3 children, two girls with a boy in the middle.The girls were both less demanding of milk in the first few days. They were both a good pound less in weight than my bouncing boy, and I had an epidural with them both and nothing with him,so ...could be either of those things, or simply that boys are hungrier!
As for now-they all eat vast amounts.The main difference is that my son is far more affectionate/cuddly towards me and I sometimes wonder if this is because he was clamped on constantly for 5 days, or just cos he is a boy.
Good luck with your course

DS1 was born and was crying within minutes. Long and skinny. No hair.

DS2 was born quiet, stayed quiet, just looking.
Big build. Had hair.

DS3 was/is the same as DS1 really.

DS1 still skinny and tall, very short, mousy, poker straight hair. A little bit 'off the wall'. Cheeky look about him.

DS2 is still very chilled, 'solid' build, page boy style white blonde hair with ringlets round the back. People comment he is 'beautiful'.

dd1 and ds1 were both sleepy and not very interested in feeding for the first few days.

dd2 screamed from the moment she was out, and didn't stop unless she was sucking on the breast or on my finger for the first few days.

However first 2 were born by emergency caesarean at about 41 weeks after long labours (also had diamorphine with dd1) whereas dd2 was planned caesarean at 38 weeks, so not sure you can make true comparisons.

Am I the only one who can't remember this sort of thing?

I only recall the scantest details of my post-partum days

Two were boys and one was a girl .

Seriously though, I do remember being shocked more at the similarities between ds1 and dd though. They were really very alike within minutes of birth but I don't think they are at all now. Ds2 didn't look so much like them but he was over 1.5 lbs heavier than his older brother so plumper.

Behaviour-wise dd and ds2 were probably very similar - can't comment on ds1 really as he had an undiagnosed heart condition from birth and didn't behave like any other baby at all until it was rectified 6 weeks later.

Ds1 long, skinny, huge robot baby. Very very sucky, and very very beautiful, and very very routine - he naturally fell into a four hour feeding routine from BIRTH. Never cried.

Ds2 Short, plump, daintier baby. Cried a normal amount. Preferred to be held more than ds1 did, who liked to be put down to sleep.

dd2 was very mellow, did a lot of feeding and napping, not much crying

dd1 did more sleeping, but a lot less feeding, and was generally a lot more shouty and harder to feed

I put alot of these differences down to dd1 being my first and a long and difficult labour whereas dd2 was a v chilled out home birth baby!

but they looked identical! dd2 at 28 weeks is still the spit of dd1 at the same age

DS (DC1) born at 41 weeks, v alert, v v hungry first few weeks, flaky skin, quite an intense experience all round (but enjoyable), very cuddly baby.

DD (DC2) born at 39 weeks, mostly sleepy the first few days, not as hungry, nicer skin, different hair, hands, legs and feet, also very cuddly baby, more relaxed generally although that might just be a reflection of me and DH being more confident and bf being easier to establish.

Both straightforward births BTW.

I have 4, 3 girls then ds

dd2 yelled as soon as she was born and continued to yell until fed. This was very different from dd1 who had been fairly chilled at birth (made up for it later!)

dd2 was very, very cuddly from birth. I remember leaning her up against my shoulder the first evening (she was approx 18 hours old) and she really snuggled into me she's still very cuddly now and she's 9

dd3 was very chubby in the face, quite chilled out like dd1 was. She still more rounded than her sisters were at 4. She's not fat, the other two are just very skinny!

ds was a boy, that was the most noticeable difference! he also screamed until fed when he was born. He's fairly cuddly but very wriggly and is now 20m

Should have added - dd2 who was the most "demanding" in the first few days is now the most easy-going of the 3 (maybe being 3rd child is partly the reason?) whereas "sleepy" dd1 and ds1 are now very full-on and quite high-maintenance!

Can't remember all that much but will try

DS born at 38+3 weeks by forceps. I bled all over the place afterwards. He was only 6lb 1oz and looked very scrawny. Didn't sleep at night in the hospital (or at home afterwards). Didn't really feel like my baby, although think that could have been connected to the whole birth experience as well.

DD born at 40+4 and weighed 7lb 11oz. Much smoother birth. She slept the night we spent in hospital and felt like my baby from the beginning. Just slotted in, although that was probably also because she was second child.

DS was handed to me wrapped and cleaned after a hospital birth, and was calm and still and made intense eye contact and just stared and stared at me. A real love at first sight experience. DH says DS was staring around calmly when only his head was out - open eyes and a sense of a 'new soul', all there but still a blank. DH (usually the most unsentimental man) was and is deeply moved by seeing that.

He was hard to feed, cried a lot and didn't settle at all in the first weeks.

He is still loving, intense and very sensitive (worries a lot, has nightmares, very poor sleeper) at 3 years old.

DD was born at home in a full on hippy drug-free waterbirth way.

She was smaller, more 'curled up' and covered in vernix (was 3 weeks earlier than DS). She kept her eyes tightly shut and cried straight away.

She was easier to feed, slept a lot better and was more 'chilled' than DS.

So stressful birth, calm start, super-sensitive baby/child vs. easy unstressed birth, crying newborn, laid back baby girl!

dd1 very calm and cuddly baby, happy to be passed around relatives. dd2 was a velcro baby and only Mummy will do. ds is very laid back, can be passed around but loves Mummy best.

All still much the same now, dd2 more outgoing now and very determined.
My DH is of the opinion that it's not the dc's temperament but the way I interact with them that makes them this way. He may have a point, the mother/baby relationship is remarkably symbiotic and they pick up so much without even trying.

my 2 dd's where so alike in the first few weeks that i disnt feel like i had given birth to a new baby, felt more like i had traveled back in time 18 months.

Thanks people This is really interesting stuff! So strange how many different experiences people have, but I supposed thats the way of the world! Anyone new reading this, please feel free to comment on this!

Are you interested in differences related to birth experiences?
Two of my daughters are identical twins. Twin 1 was born quickly and easily, twin 2 was transverse so experienced being roughly grasped and manipulated while still in the womb (I have complete faith in the registrar involved, I'm sure she was as gentle as possible, but twin 2 was bruised) then delivered by emergency caesarean when she wouldn't turn.

In their first days twin 1 needed very little attention and would go back to sleep instantly after feeding. Twin 2 cried more and wanted more attention. It seemed to me that they were affected by the different circumstances of their births. It didn't last long though. They were both very easy babies within a few weeks.

DS1 was elec CS and still needed a ventouse. he was whisked off at birth and I didn't feed him for 5 hours. The first few days were awful - I didn't do his nappy properly so it leaked a lot and DS1 would be screaming every 2 hours. Instead of holding him I kept trying to feed him and immediately put him down. He was colicky as well. Grim

DS2 (also elec CS) was allowed to have skin to skin 30 mins after birth, for hours . I cuddled him soooooooo much but he would feed really efficiently and sleep for hours. V contented

Dd was born at 37+ weeks, was quite weak and floppy and had difficulties feeding.

So when ds was born by emergency caesarian at 36 with low birth weight and looking very prem I thought we'd have even worse problems with him, but he was as strong as a little ox and nearly drowned himself wriggling out of the midwife's grasp when he had the first bath.

She was very clingy as a toddler, quite high maintenance, a bit of a drama queen. But has grown into a mature and confident near-teen with a great sense of humour.

He was a cheerful and easy going baby and toddler. But is a bit of a drama queen at 9...