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Parenting

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Original poster

I threw my baby in the bed

48 replies

roseability · 16/09/2009 10:54

I am so tired and have family issues at the moment

My DD (13 weeks) does not sleep well at all. After several times trying to settle her in the early hours of the morning, something just snapped and I threw her on the bed

She is fine but I feel terrible

I also have a three year old who has been unwell and I am trying to get the house sorted for visitors tomorrow

Feeling a bit down

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

belgo · 16/09/2009 10:55

We all have days like these, and I'm sure the vast majority of us have done something similar.
Can you cancel the vistors tomorrow? That's the last thing you need.

bigchris · 16/09/2009 10:56

Don't beat yourself up about it
She is fine
Next time try to just leave her crying for 10 seconds while you take some deep breaths, as long as she is safe she'll be fine while you calm down
Don't be tidying for yuor visitors, they know you have a lot on your plate, they won't mind the mess

SlartyBartFast · 16/09/2009 10:56

count to ten, go to anotehr room.

perhaps the visitors will give you somethign to aim for?
does it matter how the house is for them particularly?

Interested in this thread?

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3 year olds Families General parenting

wonderingwondering · 16/09/2009 10:57

Everyone snaps. But if you feel like that again, keep in your mind that it is better to just put her in the pram downstairs, and leave her crying for 5 or ten minutes, just to get a break from her.

And no-one visiting a house with a three year old and 13 wk old expects it to be tidy! Just chuck the worst of it into a cupboard and get ready meals/takeway.

RealityIsNOTDetoxing · 16/09/2009 10:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

brokenrecord · 16/09/2009 10:59

Sorry to hear this. I know that frustration of trying to get a baby to sleep when you are desperate to get on with things.

I think for me the best advice when you feel like this is to put her in her cot and walk away until you feel better. She will be safe in the cot and it won't hurt her to cry for a while.

I'm sure other people will come onto the thread with advice about help you might be able to get too.

posieparker · 16/09/2009 10:59

Call your HV and see if she can help. Mine is fabulous. Perhaps you can get surestart?

Original poster

roseability · 16/09/2009 11:00

It is my grandfather who I have never met before (long complicated story)

So of course this is on my mind. I am looking forward to meeting him but I am a bit nervous as well.

My DS cried a lot but did sleep better at night. Why do I have unsettled babies? Am I doing something wrong?

I had a lovely waterbirth with DD, have BF, co slept and carried her in a sling. I feel I can't do anymore to make her sleep better. I don't believe in leaving babies to cry but after said incident I had to put her down and leave her for a few minutes. She cut out and went to sleep! Now I feel guilty that she cried herself to sleep

OP posts:

FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 11:01

I've done it. And thrown toddlers on the sofa. It's not ok, but the fact you chose somewhere safe to chuck her shows you had enough control and love for her to make sure she won't be hurt.

Take a break, next time though, and go and chuck a cushion or pillow instead, then you won't feel so bad.

laurz75 · 16/09/2009 11:01

Don't beat yourself up about it. We all have days/nights where things go wrong. Agree about the house - sure your friends won't even notice if u haven't cleared up.
Take care of yourself and as others have said, leave the room if you feel that stressed again.

SausageRocket · 16/09/2009 11:02

You threw her ?

How hard and how far ? Keep an eye on her as any damage done may not be immediately evident.

I'm not trying to punish you, lord knows family life is stressful and the sleep deprived early hours are the rock bottom worst but you are the adult, she is a baby who cannot voice her needs/wants in any other way than crying/being agitated.

You obviously feel shite about it. Can DH/DP help out with the baby a bit more ? I suspect you are a SAHM and he works but that doesn't mean that you should be the one to get up all night to the point of throwing your daughter. Working f/t does not excuse him from parenting. Obviously that it conjecture on my part, so apologies if I am miles off the mark.

Perhaps a confidential chat with Parentline Plus could help ?

Buda · 16/09/2009 11:04

Don't feel guilty that she cried herself to sleep. It will do her no harm. I think sometimes babies just get so tired and wound up that they can't get themselves to sleep and they you are stressing and they pick that up and cry even more. Putting her down and leaving her to cry may have helped her out of that.

She won't hold it against you!

Go and have a cup of tea.

Original poster

roseability · 16/09/2009 11:06

oh god I feel shite now

Could I have hurt her? She seems fine? I was so tired that I don't really know what I did

My DH does get up in the night but on this ocassion she wouldn't settle for him at all so I offered to take over

I feel utterly, utterly shite about myself

OP posts:

Original poster

roseability · 16/09/2009 11:08

I know she cannot voice her needs and wants, only through crying. I don't blame her in any way. She is so precious to me and I have a lovely bond with her.

OP posts:

WhereTheWildThingsWere · 16/09/2009 11:09

Agree you shouldn't beat yourself up about this at all, what's done is done.

But also agree if you feel this close to 'snapping' again, you need to put her in her cot where she is safe, leave the room and shut the door, crying for a few minutes is not going to do her any harm.

Then do something to relieve the tension and frustration, punch a pillow, the sofa, scream, (don't kick the kitcken cuboards, I did this and broke a toe).

I am a sling using, co-sleeping, attachment parenter, but sometimes it al gets too much and if I hadn't done this somethimes with both of mine I would have lost my sanity.

You also need a regular break, find someone who can provide this for you.

FlamingoBingo · 16/09/2009 11:09

Oh roseability

I can so relate to how you're feeling. I really feel for you

If you just kind of put her on the bed more forcefully than you would normally, then she's likely to be fine.

I think it's unlikely you would have seriously hurt her - you didn't shake her.

SlartyBartFast · 16/09/2009 11:10

don't get into a state about this
i am sure she is fine.
go for a walk, take her to HV if it will make you feel better.
sod the housework.

belgo · 16/09/2009 11:12

Did she carry on crying when you 'threw' her in the cot?

I do wonder if you just let her drop the last couple of inches down onto the cot, rather then actually 'throwing' her in. If this is what happened, and onto a soft mattress - it's very unlikely that you've hurt your baby - don't be so hard on yourself.

My dd2 picked up ds when he was about two months old, I turned and shouted at her to put him down, and she dropped him a couple of inches back onto the wooden floor. He was fine.

SausageRocket · 16/09/2009 11:14

I know, I know. Of course you didn't want to hurt her.

The honest answer is that you could have done some damage, but obviously without knowing how far/hard you 'threw' her and seeing a doc it is very difficult to say whether you have or not. I suspect that you are probably being hard on yourself with the word 'throw' and the risk of injury is probably very small but it is still very much worth keeping your eyes peeled for any unusual sleepiness/vomiting/floppiness issues (same checklist for any suspected possible head injury, however mild or severe).

I'm genuinely not trying to scare or punish you. Truly I'm not. We all do heat of the moment things and the chances are that your daughter is fine and you are the one who has come off worst.

Louby3000 · 16/09/2009 11:20

We have all done this, and my son has fallen off the bed onto a hard wooden floor. Told HV and Dr about it and they said, as long as they cry and seem "fine in themsleves" continue to eat and are alert then they are fine. Dont get all worked up that there is latent damage. There wont be, 100%. Its when they dont cry and vomit that you have to worry a bit.
Bugger the housewok. Would it be better if you met in a coffee shop? That way you can leave when you want, and it will get you out of the house. That way you wont feel like you have to "host".
Have you tried white noise to help soothe your crying baby? The hairdryer worked a treat for my unsettled baby.

Laquitar · 16/09/2009 11:21

I m sorry but i agree with Sausage.

I don't mean to scare you but she is not a todler, she is just 13 wks. As far as i remember from my first Aid for Babies, if thereis even a tiny possibility of head injury you must NOT let her sleep.

I am not having a go at you, honestly

belgo · 16/09/2009 11:22

Good suggestion from Louby about meeting in a cafe rather then at home, neutral territory might be a good idea.

CaresMildly · 16/09/2009 11:25

You poor thing - I have felt that frustration and some sort of rage in my arms meaning I really wanted to throw "something" just to relieve the pressure. I have put her down into her cot and walked out even though she is crying a few times. I still feel awful that I could even feel that surge of rage and then guilt that I walked out when she was upset. But having that 5 mins away does seem to help.

I seem to re-focus and find the love I feel for her again rather than the anger of the moment iyswim.

I wish I could offer more support but I can only say you are not alone. God I'm actually starting to cry here thinking about everything, it's so tough isn't it. Even if your partner is helpful it still all falls to you, or at least feels like it at times. I think if I could just take a day off - sleep and have my food brought to me, not have to lift a finger, then it could get me through. But there is little chance of that and even if I said it I don't think anyone in RL would understand. Good luck.

MmeLindt · 16/09/2009 11:27

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Could you put off the family business until you are feeling stronger?

I am sure that your DD will be fine. You know what to do the next time. Walk away. Don't feel guilty that she cried herself to sleep.

Please talk to your GP about your feelings, you might be suffering from PND and need some help for a couple of weeks.

Original poster

roseability · 16/09/2009 11:29

I was sitting up in bed and she was crying on my shoulder. I threw her down in front of me and she did bounce a bit. She didn't cry afterwards but was alert and looking around. When she got up this morning she was grizzly for a bit but also gave lots of smiles and coos. She fed and then I put her down and she has slept for an hour and a half but she was up a lot last night

I feel sick. I have always wanted a daughter and for the first couple of months it was bliss. But now I have been troubled by my dysfunctional family and am stressed and tired

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