I threw my baby in the bed

[roseability]

I am so tired and have family issues at the moment

My DD (13 weeks) does not sleep well at all. After several times trying to settle her in the early hours of the morning, something just snapped and I threw her on the bed

She is fine but I feel terrible

I also have a three year old who has been unwell and I am trying to get the house sorted for visitors tomorrow

Feeling a bit down

[AnyFucker]

aww thanks for coming back rose

glad dd is ok (but we knew she would be )

have you forgiven yourself ?

[roseability]

I would like to thank everyone who supported me on this thread. My DD is fine and slept great last night (has found her thimb). I spoke to DH about it and he said I didn't throw her hard at all. However I am not condoning it, and it has made me realise I am better to leave her crying a bit and calm down than end up losing it.

[roseability]

colditz - It was also the fact that it woke my DS up at 3am. But I am sure my DS has scared her more by pinging her bouncy chair right back when I am not looking!

[devotion]

"I just need to stop trying to be perfect" - exactly, we all try to do this at one point and sometimes surprise do actually surprise ourselves.

Calm day with the children, they were behaved, meals times were straightforward, you got a wash on, dried and put away, you got them ready for bed early and tehy went down like a dream. you relax eating dinner thinking, "Yeah it all went so good today" feeling proud...

Then the next day - chaos!

Good days and bad days, we all get them!

Sounds like you are having a better one today.

Take care x

[colditz]

I threw ds2 on the bed once, he was fine. And the fact that seemingly we all choose the bed means that it is only 'surface' anger - we know inside that it won't hurt them. It scared the baby, which is not good. But you know this, and you won't ever do it again (I never ever did!)

It's harder when it's your second, you KNOW you have a full on three year old to deal with in the morning, and it gives the wish to sleep an extra dimension of urgency.

[bumpsoon]

I did this when my son was very little , he was fine ,but i told my mother and she said that if i felt like this again ,to put him in his cot ,put the hoover on in his room and step outside and count to 100.

[roseability]

bollocks indeed! I think it is okay to take bits from books that work for you and your baby, but I tend to take them too literally.

My DD is fine. She has slept more today but then she was up half the night!

The real problem I feel is that she needs to find her thumb. She desperately wants to suck it, to self soothe, but doesn't quite have the coordination.

I probably didn't throw her as hard as I thought I did but I did give myself a fright.

I just need to stop trying to be perfect (which actually leads to greater imperfections) and just do what it takes to get through these tough times

If that means leaving her to cry for a short time so that I can calm down then so be it.

[Louby3000]

Baby books are the devils work! I HATE that bloody baby whisperer. Trust your gut, best bit of advice I ever got!

Glad you got a b ot of a rest, well done. Take it easy and have a nice break when you get away.

Oh and when baby cries, stick some ear plugs in. You will still hear her but not as lound!

[elmofan]

oh roseability , 2nd the throwing books in the bin , my ds cried almost non stop every night until he was 4 months old due to colic , you could have set your clock by him every 40minutes
poor you , you are only human , please try to walk away next time , your dd sounds fine so put it behind you , lesson learned imo x

[AnyFucker]

chuck the books in the bin

I could give you a few similar examples in all my years of parenting, but won't bore you

Think of this as a heads-up and don't let yourself get so stressed

The world won't end if she cries for a few minutes.

Shut the door and walk away until you are calm if you get that wound-up again

And forgive yourself !

[LadyoftheBathtub]

Well that book sounds like bollocks! Babies cry and it is natural that they do, so that the mother/carer can't help reacting to it and will try to provide what the baby needs.

But some books do help - if you don't have it, I found the Baby Whisperer book really good, helpful and reasonable - it's full of real-life stories and useful ideas, but not strict instructions or prescriptions about what your baby is supposed to do.

here

[roseability]

Thank you so much

I just had a lie down with DD while DS at playgroup and feel much better. I have a lot on my plate at the moment and when visitors have gone I am going away with DH and kids for a few nights. Will make sure I get plenty of rest and breaks.

I have a real problem with my babies crying due to childhood issues I think (I never really had a decent mother figure). I also read these bloomin books like continuum concept that make you believe that your baby should never have to cry. Going to chuck it in the bin!

[baskingseals]

please don't feel bad - you've got alot on your plate. She's absolutely fine, try to forgive yourself, move on and enjoy your children as much as you can. It takes thousands and thousands of moments to make a childhood, don't focus on ONE bad one, think about all the times you didn't lose it, and try to feel proud of yourself for that.

Think you will probably feel clearer when your grandfather's visit is over - just remember he's probably just as nervous, if not more so than you.

Sending you good luck

[devotion]

i am assuming you kind of shoved her onto the mattress rather than flinging her from standing.

if you did do that then you could really hurt her neck if she had landed funny. i doubt she she could get concussion - sorry cant spell it.

if you did throw her from a height then that is not right and should be be ignored. the fact you came on here shows you are concerned about it and we all know you didnt mean it. the thoughts that ran through my mind with a crying baby early hours of a morning make me wince. I remember imagining throwing her down the stairs or out a window. ist natural to feel stressed and lose your rag now and then but if you feel like you are going to flip out her in teh cot, leave the room and the kick the ass out of a pillow!

preparing for a guest is always stressful so someone made a good suggestion here which was to just put everything into a big cupboard and deal with it at a later date. Tidy by hiding, get the babywipes out on the bathroom and sides, hoover and thats all you need to do.

You need some time for yourself too, people underestimate the importance of even 30 mins to yourself. Do you have a cafe near your house or a cosy pub? When my dh would come home from work, I would hand the kids over to him all fed, he would get them ready for bed and stories whilst I nipped around teh corner to our cosy pub. I would have half a guinness and a bag of crisps with my book for jst 30 mins. I can not explain how much better this made me feel. Sometimes I'd to a cafe on a sat for a tea. I would come home all refreshed and happy.

I only started doing this last year, few years too late. Can not believe I had not done it before. I am pregnant again so the pub visits are now out of question but when this baby is born I will make sure I have time for myself at least three times a week for 30 mins - totally alone, tea and mag, sleep, or go for a run.

I have a short temper and I sometimes i just hate hearing the way i am talking to my children so when I get to that stage I always know that I need a short time out.

We are not super human, some people are so calm, I wish i was but because im not i have to deal with it so my children are not effected.

Take care of yourself and make sure you make time for you. Dh's never see that we need this until we ask most of the time.

I bet you will never do that again because you sounds like a lovely mummy who had a bad moment.

if you are feeling that fed up and tired again you tell dh to get his ass out of bed and take over or you will be throwing him over the bed ... they always know you mean business in the dark hours!

x

[LadyoftheBathtub]

Agree with trying parentline - I phoned them once during a terribly difficult phase with DS, where he was having such bad, prolonged tantrums that I thought I would go mad, and sometimes did handle him roughly and scream at him They were wonderful and just making the phone call helped and took the pressure off, because it allowed me to turn away and refocus. Even DS calmed down!

Don't beat yourself up - you know this wasn't great, but you didn't harm her. And you feel bad about losing it even to this small extent, which is a good sign that you are a caring and responsible parent.

[bevlin]

Roseability don't feel bad, Ive heard loads of people do similar too. I once walked and walked for hours with my screaming DS who I didn't realise at the time, had colic and reflux. I stopped in the street, screamed shut up and rammed his dummy in his mouth a little too forcefully! I was astounded I was doing it half way through, I just snapped. What I didn't count on was looking up from my moment of hysteria and seeing an old lady opened mouth at the nearby bus stop. I could have died. Every mum of a new baby will have similar stories (well, the honest ones).
I have to say though.....why do you not want your baby to cry? Is that like not wanting your dog to bark?
Babies cry, they don't think 'ooh im a bit tired, think i'll have 40 winks' !
They have to LEARN to settle themselves a bit surely or you will teach DD that she can only be safe and only nod off if you are doing the settling.
Im not advocating leaving a young baby screaming for 20 mins or something BUT, give her a chance, 10 minutes here and there before you rush in like the emergency services will do her good in the long run. She will not fear settling herself.
Personal opinion of course!

[macherie]

You poor thing, she sounds fine. I know you'll never do anything like this again as you have given yourself such a fright.

I agree, cancel the visitors, forget about the housework and take care of yourself.

(((a big hug to you)))

[belgo]

Yes, I also think you should cancel your family stuff, just think about yourself and your children, without the stress of meeting your grandfather.

You sound like a lovely caring mother, who adores her new baby. Give yourself a break.

[Louby3000]

Why dont you call you HV/Dr and tell them what is going on, I think that would put your mind at ease.
Coping with a little baby is hard at the best of times. Cancel the family stuff. When your DD is sleeping better then you can meet your grandfather. You have a lot going on, take care of your little family first. Thats what I would do.

[SlartyBartFast]

she sounds fine rose.

please talk to someone about it, if only for your peace of mind.

[roseability]

I was sitting up in bed and she was crying on my shoulder. I threw her down in front of me and she did bounce a bit. She didn't cry afterwards but was alert and looking around. When she got up this morning she was grizzly for a bit but also gave lots of smiles and coos. She fed and then I put her down and she has slept for an hour and a half but she was up a lot last night

I feel sick. I have always wanted a daughter and for the first couple of months it was bliss. But now I have been troubled by my dysfunctional family and am stressed and tired

[MmeLindt]

Sounds like you have a lot on your plate at the moment. Could you put off the family business until you are feeling stronger?

I am sure that your DD will be fine. You know what to do the next time. Walk away. Don't feel guilty that she cried herself to sleep.

Please talk to your GP about your feelings, you might be suffering from PND and need some help for a couple of weeks.

[CaresMildly]

You poor thing - I have felt that frustration and some sort of rage in my arms meaning I really wanted to throw "something" just to relieve the pressure. I have put her down into her cot and walked out even though she is crying a few times. I still feel awful that I could even feel that surge of rage and then guilt that I walked out when she was upset. But having that 5 mins away does seem to help.

I seem to re-focus and find the love I feel for her again rather than the anger of the moment iyswim.

I wish I could offer more support but I can only say you are not alone. God I'm actually starting to cry here thinking about everything, it's so tough isn't it. Even if your partner is helpful it still all falls to you, or at least feels like it at times. I think if I could just take a day off - sleep and have my food brought to me, not have to lift a finger, then it could get me through. But there is little chance of that and even if I said it I don't think anyone in RL would understand. Good luck.

[belgo]

Good suggestion from Louby about meeting in a cafe rather then at home, neutral territory might be a good idea.