Has anyone got a 5 or 6 year gap between first and second child?

[lucy5]

I am trying to make my mind up about having another baby, my dd is 4.5. I keep feeling that maybe I have left it too long. Will they be companions with such a gap? Do I want to go back to the baby thing? How will dd feel? Can I cope with the thought of never being preggers again? I know only I can make this decision but would love to hear your experiences, i'm 34 now so I if im going to do it, I feel it should be sooner rather than later, this is obviously a personal choice.

There is a 4.5 yr gap between my 2. Ds is just 5 and dd 6 months. Ds loves loves LOVES his baby sister, he is so proud of her and always wants her to accompany us everywhere (I thought he might like time with just me and him but he always insists comes too). He gets an enormous amount of pleasure out of having a sibling and I am so glad we persevered with #2 (it wasnt easy getting and staying pregnant and took several attempts hence the gap). Go for it!

hi. my dd1 is 5 and had dd2 in sept 04, so she is 8 months old.

its great, my dd1 loves it all and she has helped me so much.

Lucy5 - My DD is 8 (9 in october) and DS is 1 on fathers day. I was worried about the gap to begin with but it is great really, she understands that sometimes I need to spend more time with DS, but she is always out with her friends playing etc. SO when he goes to bed we have our time then. DS dotes on her aswell when she comes in from school he stops what he is doing looks, smiles and holds his arms up for her to pick him up. The other benefit is if I am cleaning and DD is in she watches him in 1 room whilst I go round the house tidying and cleaning and just keep popping in on them and shouting through to make sure everything is ok.

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I too will have another one in a couple of years I want atleast 3 years between ds and new baby, so DD will be 11.

8 year gap here. Too early to tell yet - 2nd just 14 days old today! - but I wouldn't let whatever age gap influence whether to have another or not.

congrats Tinker.

Thanks all I havent checked this for a few days. Congratulations tinker, I dont know how you are awake. I think that I am going to start trying soon. Sounds crazy but I want to lose a bit of weight as I had blood pressure probs last time. I think also, i'm secretly scared about giving birth in another country.

Lucy5, when i was expecting dd a colleague of mine said to me, "Don't leave it too long between now and your next one. I don't have much of a relaationship with my older sister."

So I have always had it in my mind that i wouldn't want to have the gap that big between my children. This was on my mind today as i am expecting another and would love a break of about 5 years between my second and third!

If it's anything to go by, I have a pretty crap relationship with my brother who's just 17mths younger than me, and a BRILLIANT relationship with my sis who's 11 years younger than me! For a long time, she was just my baby sister but now I'm 29 and she's 18 the age gap doesn't seem so big.

My granny left a 4.5 yr gap between df and my uncle and she said df was most helpful!

You'll never know until you've tried, and really i think people place too much emphasis on sibling relationship - your children will make their own friends and if they have good relationships with each other that's a real bonus!

One thing i will say... you may regret not doing it! Good luck.

I have a 4 yr gap between dd and ds1. There is also a 4 yr gap between me and my next sibling and as we were not close as kids I didn't want such a big gap between my kids. However, due to secondary infertility, that's how it worked out. I remember my gynacologist saying that her two kids were close in age but didn't get on at all. I know lots of people who are not close at all to their siblings even though they are close in age. I think it is down to personality really in the long term. I get along well with all my siblings now, but am probably closest to my sister who is 6.8 years younger than me, though as kids we were at totally different stages always - she was still at primary school when I started uni and she was still at secondary school when I moved to this country.

I have a couple of friends who have sisters who are 7 years younger or more and they get on great - maybe that age gap works well for some reason? My dd and ds2 (nearly seven yrs apart) do seem to get on very well (though it is early days - he's just 15 months old!)

I think it is quite a complex thing and can depend on how many kids you have in total as well - on of the reasons I was not close to my sisters growing up was because they were 2.5 years apart and were very close so sort of ganged up against me. Though they are still quite close, they are very different and tend to fall out easily.

So my view would be that if you want another baby, go for it and don't worry about the gap. BTW, it was infinitely easier dealing with a 4 yr old and a newborn, than a 2.5 yr old and a newborn!

Lucy5- I am 6 yrs 2 months older than my brother, and I loved being a 2nd 'Mommy' to him.
I have always been protective over him, but we are close too.The hardest ws for about a year, when I was 12 and he was 5ish. It didn't last for long though.
i wouldnt wait too long though.

i have a sister who is 20 years younger than me too, my dd is 18 months younger than her. Strange but nice!

Hi Lucy. We have a 5.5 year gap between DS and DD (she's now 3 months old). It might be the fact I'm older and much more confident, or that DD is an "easy" baby, but I really find the age difference no problem at all and enjoy doing the baby thing all over again. DS adores his little sister and has got over some initial jealousy episodes. My sister has a 4.5 year age gap between her DDs and it works well for her too.

Well reading this thread has made me very happy I'm 26 weeks pregnant with number 2 and all being well that will mean a 4.8 years gap with dd. I originally wanted children close together - but it took 3.5 years of trying so here we are! It's great to hear that they might well get on anyhow - thanks!

Yes thanks again, it's lovely to have such positive responses. I'll keep you posted, will probably start trying after the summer hols.

Hi bayleaf!!! I am really glad to hear you are pg - I remember you from long ago when I was ttc. Well, my little baby is 6 months already and they have been the best 6 months of my life, I love being the mum to 2 children and I feel ridiculously proud going round Tecos wit them both.

Hi lucy - dd2 is 11 weeks and dd1 is 7. I didn't plan such a large gap but this is my 2nd marriage. Dd1 absolutely adores dd2 and is a great help with her (fetching me stuff etc.). Also, because she is older there is no jealousy as she understands that she can no longer have all the attention. Another plus point is that dd1 is in school so I have most of the day to spend with dd2, giving her all the attention that a young baby needs. Dh and I did deliberate long and hard before deciding to have a baby but have no regrets whatsoever and although I thought it would be hard going back to having a little one, I only really found the first two weeks difficult, and I am really loving having a baby again! Btw I will be 39 in August so at 34 you don't have any worries!

I have a 3.5 year old and would have had another one ASAP to be honest but my relationship is rocky and just couldnt take the stress - I do think about having an only child would be lonely for her and what age-gap would happen if I did have another one...my advice is go for it, if you have a good relationship with your husband/partner its all possible.

so glad you started this thread lucy5. I have one DS who is 3.5 and we've been trying for a year for another one but no luck yet. I was getting so worried about a gap of more than 4.5 years but reading this has really reassured me. AF today too so feeling pretty down but this has been a tonic.
Lucy5, i think you should go for it.

my ds was 6 1/2 when i had dd. i had never really planned on a second but hadnt ruled it out either. i used to get broody, however, i wanted to be settled and financially secure by the time i had another. lucky i conceived by accident then or there would have probably been about 20 years between them! i wasnt keen on the thought of nappies again and all that stuff i had done before. they get on really well most of the time but cant really play together. i imagine some of that is due to ds trying to be tough.."urgghhh, im not kissing my baby sister goodnight, she's dribbling" and things like that. he does secretly adore her though!

lucy, i just wanted to add to this that i think i understand how you feel. my dd is nearly 4 and we're now going to try for another baby, but i've had serious doubts. i am an only child and i really want my dd to have a brother or sister, but people keep pointing out she'll be about 5 if we have another one.

sorry, i just sympathized.

ll, I agree completely with ambrosia - some people just have to say something negative, whatever the gap they'd have a reason why it was wrong. You go, girl!

oh sorry i thought you were having a go at me there...

In fact next time someone says that to you, ll, use ambrosia's phrase at them - "and your point is?" - it might even shut them up.