When does it become fun

[Roopoo]

Hi
I have posted before about a couple of things but just wondered when I can expect to start enjoying being a mummy.
I really don't enjoy it... I don't think Im very good at it to be fair.. I don't really enjoy playing with her and the sound of her crying and screaming (which she does a lot of I have posted about this) fills me with despair....

I had high hopes for motherhood and feel a little bit cheated... I feel very resentful for a life that I loved that I will never get back again........
I have ok days and then bad days...

I do love her.... But if I knew then what I know now I don't think I would have had a child... People ask me when Im planning the next one and the thought of it makes me feel all cold and sick...

DH loves it all... he finds her amazing and they are smitten with each other... Maybe it's me.... I just wondered if it all got easier after a certain age??? She is 15 weeks.....

Sometimes when I think about my life and the way I feel... and I wonder if it will ever get better and when I think that it won't I just want to go to bed and never have to wake up...

I was soo happy before I became a mum.. The life and soul of the party... now I seem to follow my DH round like a shadow with tears in my eyes...

Please don't tell me I have PND as I don't think I do....

Please don't flame me for feeling this way, I just wondered if maybe when they get to 6 months they stop the constant screaming and fighting sleep and life becomes a little easier......

I had such high hopes and dreams of being a mummy... It's all I ever wanted...

have just read this whole thread and wanted to say yu sun d so much happier now than you did at the beginning. you just sound much more positive. it is hard and it is the biggest shock i think it is possible to have in life but starting to realise you can start clawing back small parts of your normality is a massive step. and if you can get her babysat for an afternoon a week then that is great. i agree with all the tips on here and my one piece of advice is don't ever make yourself feel guilty. it is the root to a downward spiral. if you are feeling happy then your baby will sense this. so keep being positive, do things for yourself as well as dd and hopefully you will start to enjoy it more. good luck and keep us in the loop.

'scuse my terrible spelling!

Yay on the success with the move to her own room - and she didn't wake once? Blimey! Hope it works as well tonight and that you don't spend as long listening to the monitor .

Thanks again.... I think I do seem more positive... Maybe that is because I have had DH to help over the weekend... Im not sure..

No she didn't wake once, we gave her a dream feed at 11 and she didnt really stir for that... She has woken once tonight for her dummy but apart from that nothing xx

Definately feeling more relaxed... we shall see what tomorrow brings...

Great news. Take one day at a time and make small changes to make things easier on yourself.

That is good news Roopoo. Just being able to relax a little makes such a difference. I have to consciously lower my shoulders from around my ears sometimes! It is always so much easier when DH is around - I have just been moaning about it being Monday tomorrow to mine!

How are things today Roopoo? Did you start the tablets? As someone else said, you sounded more and more positive as the thread went on. Glad to hear your DH helped you out over the weekend and that DD has settled well into her own room.

I think I have turned a corner. DS finally got his 2 bottom teeth (which came together ) and is no longer so whingy. I am dealing with a much happier baby now and am feeling a little better about things.

Hiya HarryB

Glad that things are better your end!!
I have been on the tablets for a few days now and I think they have made a difference already... Im not sure if they can start working that quickly but whatever it is Im feeling a lot more positive at the moment...

The sleep might be doing for you too! We put our daughter in her own room at 3 months and she was sleeping through within 3 nights - amazing! We also slept much better. I carried on doing a dream feed until I weaned her at about 6 months just in case, but I think she might have slept 7 till 7 if I'd left her. I think we were all disturbing each other. It is nice to be able to read in bed and not to have to creep in and put pj's on in the dark I hope it lasts for you xx

Glad to hear it is going so well. I thought my ADs had made a difference as well, though it is supposed to take a few weeks. We had a busy weekend, though with lots of visitors so that might be it too. Rubbish sleep from DS2 last night, after three nights of 8-9 hour stretches. He seems quite chirpy on it, though.

Im sure the AD's must be working as DD has had a bad couple of days and although Im not enjoying being a mummy I seem to be getting on with it better IYKWIM

DD is still in her own room and has only once woken up in the night for her dummy so that is going well...

Hope everyone else is OK xxx

Roopoo, so glad things are getting easier for you.

A week ago, I felt like I was losing the plot but I must say that the past few days have been bliss. DS finally got his teeth after 5 months of teething - no joke, those were the hardest 5 months of my life. He is a different baby, giggly, content. Still grumpy around people he doesn't know, but hey, so am I (mostly shyness though)

I have also fully relented and am now settling him with a dummy for naps - I don't care if the MiL thinks I'm a lazy parent for doing so. These 2 things alone have made a huge difference. It's true what MNetters say "it is a phase, it will pass".

It is my new mantra "It is a phase and it will last"...

Im sucking it up and dealing with it x

Good for you both Roopoo and Harry B. Too right to use the dummy. No point making life difficult for yourself when they are pretty easy to get rid of later on. I have been quite perky today but have been out and about. Off on hols on Friday so have to get packing sorted out plus two month jabs tomorrow. I hope my little man doesn't react badly and cry all day whilst I'm trying to pack. But currently too distracted from worrying about that by worrying about what swimming costume I can breastfeed in and whether two months on is too early to expose a postnatal tummy (though seeing as we are only going to the Isle of Wight the weather may answer that for me ).

I haven't read all the replies, but in response to your second post, I know exactly how you feel.

I've have loved my little boy from the moment he was born and absolutely love being a mum.

But your comment about your OH and your relationship really struck a cord.

OH has an older son who we don't see anymore and that really rocked his world but we stuck together and got through, then I wanted children and he wasn't sure, we had DS and OH is absolutely besotted, I feel as though everything has shifted and he doesn't need me anymore.

DS is 16mths now and I'm slowly feeling a little more confident with OH, but it's not the same, we've been together 12 years and I felt that nothing could shake us, but DS has, we both love him to bits and it feels as though there isn't a lot of room left for each other. We're trying to work hard at it but there have been lots of tears.

I know my post probably doesn't help you much but I just wanted you to know it's quite normal to feel like it's changed your relationship, my sister and several friends have all felt the same.

As for your relationship with your DD, it will become so much more fun, when they can interact with you and make you laugh for doing silly things, you'll wonder how you were ever without them.

I do think there is a small chance you could be suffering from PND, don't rule it out. A good chat with your HV could make you feel much better.

I hope you feel better soon.

Just read the last few posts and I'm pleased you're feeling more positive, and you HarryB

Thanks again everyone for sharing your experiences...
Things are still going OK here.. Although my doctor told me I could drink on my AD and I had two glasses of wine last night and have felt sick since.. so Im not drinking again.. But i really feel like I'm finally bonding with my DD. Obviously I'm still finding it tough etc but instead of dissolving into a blind panic Im dealing with things in a much calmer way....

Just feel like I have missed out on 4 months of her life IYKWIM and she must have wondered why I wasn't loving her enough..

Roopoo, I have tortured myself with the same thing - but in my case, that DS didn't like me. Your DD wont remember a thing and you are a brilliant mum, you just found it tough. Nobody talks about the shitty bits do they.

I had a bit of a weird time yesterday that - on paper - should have been great. I went to meet a friend for lunch, took DS, and DH came and joined us from work. All great, then when I got home, I had this wave of sadness come over me and I don't know why. I had a nice day. I got out of the house, DS was great. I have been thinking alot about maybe going to the doctor for a chat, so I asked DH last night if he thinks I should, and he said "if you want to", I then asked if he thought they might just put me on tablets even if I don't need them and he said "probably", then proceeded to tell me about a [unrelated] phonecall with his mum. I'm so pissed off as if I do have depression, the way his mother has treated me since DS was born is one of the reasons why. He also said that I need to stop boring people with the fact that I'm not happy where we're living. Maybe I do sound like a broken record, but he never did anything about how his mum was with me, I had to manage it by actively avoiding her, and to put the boot in further, I'm now going on about it too much. Maybe it's because I'm still frigging angry, because he did feck all to stop it. Sorry, rant over.

You know what in terms of bonding you should read a book called 'The Social Baby'. Not sure who it's by but it shows you all the ways even tiny babies try to communicate with their carers. Really helped me to tune into my DD.

You are her world and she needs you. Spend some time just thinking about her and looking at her and holding her. I had a hard time when my DD was born and I didn't do enough of that. I missed out I think so don't you do the same.

Good luck.

ill tell you when

they are 15

they bring their gf home

we eat tea

the gf tucks in

we all look at them astounded

i say " lets say grace"

the gf looks mortified

puts down knife and fork

we all bow our heads

i say

"GRACE!"

we tuck in

they are left open mouthed

THATS WHEN IT BECOMES FUN

HarryB hope your feeling better - Rant away it always makes me feel better to get it off my chest ... Also going to the Doctors was the best thing I have ever done.. he was amazing and made me feel so much better about everything... And these tablets that Im on... I was so so so sceptical about taking any tablets but T can't believe the change in me... Even DH can't believe it...

And Im not sure but since I started feeling more positive and happy DD seems to be a happier baby...

Anyway ramble over... You feel free to come and rant whenever you like HarryB x

CustardoFatJesus

oneplusone,
Its amazing...
I feel exactly like you- my situation mirrors yours completely. I had DD and then had my son when DD was 2.9. He is now 2 months old and she is nearly three and I honestly feel like Ive just snapped out of the PND. I dont know if its because as kids approach three they become much more sociable (and I am not a baby person) or if it was because of the birth of my son shifted the hormones around or what. But I feel like I am honestly starting to enjoy my daughter for the first time ever really. I look forward to tomorrow rather than dread it. I dont have the spiralling out of control feeling anymore. I am starting to get interested in her education and all the lovely things Ill be able to teach her because I`m her mummy. My guess is that its because my personality relates better to older children (as discussed on your previous thread) and now I have my baby I can look at my older child and acknowledge that its not forever and I have the proof in front of me, rather than just abstract knowledge of this.

I just wanted to pop on and update and thank everyone who posted x

I have now been on AD's for a couple of months and I LOVE being a mummy...
Im just devestated that I missed the first 4 months of DD life by being so depressed..
The doctor said that when he first saw me and we had a chat that he had been very worried but I have been back about 4 times and he is really pleased with my progres..

It made me feel so much better being able to vent on here thanks xx

My DD still has bad days and screams loads but I deal with it in my head so much better xx

I'm pretty sure you won't reply. But I wonder how things worked out for you after all these years. Your baby is 13 years old now?