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Parenting

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Original poster

OMG 11yo DS just came in with lovebite Need advice please.

54 replies

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 22:11

DS1 turns 12 next month, and as a rule is a pretty sensible boy,we have extended his boundaries and curfew recently with good results.
Tonight he was at the park a couple of miles away and was supposed to start walking home with his friend at 8.30 to get home for 9.

9.15 comes and no sign of him,so DH rings and asks if he's nearly home.
No, little bugger is still at the park!!
DH gets in car to pick him up and DS rings to say he is on the way with a friend's parent.

So,I was prepared to have a chat about boundaries etc tomorrow (he has a friend sleeping over tonight) and then see he has a lovebite on either side of his neck.

I'm speechless TBH I told himto go to bed and we will talk tomorrow.
Needless to say, he is grounded till they,ve gone, but please help me out here, I thought I had a couple of more years before this happened.
What would you say?
Have I given him too much freedom too young? He is the youngest in the school year (although quite mature for his age -or so I thought) and his mates are up to a year older and I didnt want himto feel left out IYSWIM.

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whomovedmychocolate · 31/07/2009 22:14

Oh dear.....well first things first, is it really a love bite or is it something he's done himself to show off to his friends. Ask him FGS.

Ask him what he thinks that means and if he understands that it looks pretty revolting and is not a sign of love etc.

I don't think you've given him too much freedom but perhaps let him roam on a slightly shorter leash or put the kennel in the backyard IYSWIM?

I would suspect most 12 year olds have a snog now and then though.

whomovedmychocolate · 31/07/2009 22:14

And then insist he brings her home for dinner, this will ensure they will break up within a week

GlastonburyGoddess · 31/07/2009 22:16

I thought I had a couple of more years before this happened.
I think you need to start having v serious convos with him about safe sex, relationships, stds etc etc now.
my dp lost his virginity at 12, nr his 13 bday. You ds maybe no where near this, however things are obviously starting to interest him otherwise this wouldnt of happened.

I dont know what to advise but I just wanted to say please take this seriously and talk to him now, he may still be your baby boy, but hes growing up and fast.

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Metella · 31/07/2009 22:16

Seriously, whomovedmychocolate? My ds is 12½ and I can't think when he would have the opportunity to "snog"!!!!

Ewe · 31/07/2009 22:17

When I was younger we all went through a phase of giving each other lovebites, just because we could and it was quite cool.

Try not to be too hard on him, it was more than likely just pissing about.

whomovedmychocolate · 31/07/2009 22:18

Metella - every twelve year old I know has a boyfriend and I'm not talking full on snogging and groping but apparently yes they do kiss goodbye and hold hands. Is v sweet in lots of ways and better than some of the alternatives (oh the horrors!)

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 22:22

I know they all have on/off girlfriends, and I dont mind the odd snog .
We are quite open with him and have had the sex talk, a few nights ago we had the "If you start feeling urges, then carry condoms talk"

A few weeks ago,we passed someone that had a neck full of hickeys, and he commented how horrid it looked.

I asked himwho had given him them and he said X(girl's name) soI know he hasnt done it himself.

OP posts:

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 22:23

AARRRGGGHHH he'sjust a baby!!

OP posts:

pseudoname · 31/07/2009 22:24

good start by letting him go to bed and stew.

boys talk and listen better when you don't look them face to face / insist that they look at you while they or you talk.

I'd start off by saying you hope it was a girl who put it there - in a non threatening way.

(namechanger: We met once at a MN meetup. I also work with boys this age and older.)

Metella · 31/07/2009 22:25

Well, I have to say ds is obviously quite far behind everyone else!!! The only girls he spends any time with are his cousins!!!

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 22:27

Ooh, pseudo, can you give me a clue? Do you have very long hair?

OP posts:

cat64 · 31/07/2009 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Tortoise · 31/07/2009 22:32

My DS is 12 and i would be very shocked if he came home with love bites.
But then i wouldn't let him out to the park until 8.30 either.

pseudoname · 31/07/2009 22:33

yep and glasses.

geordieminx · 31/07/2009 22:35

Sorry Betty but I'm laughing.

I wasnt... until I realised your were the OP.

I am not surprised....

Poor you

janeite · 31/07/2009 22:36

Sorry but I agree that I wouldn't let an 11 year old hang around the park until that time, either. My girls are 12 and 14 and as yet have shown no interest whatsoever in boys. I hate to hear 11 year olds etc claiming to have girlfriends/boyfriends: it makes me feel quite uncomfortable tbh.

I agree with the grounding until they are gone but the bigger issue imho is that he has broken your trust by not coming home when told to.

Metella · 31/07/2009 22:40

Thank god, thanks cat64 et al. I was beginning to think my ds was odd or something.

There is no way ds1 would be out alone in the park at that time and he would most certainly not be snogging girls!!!!

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 22:47

geordieminx,why are you not surprised?

OP posts:

geordieminx · 31/07/2009 22:50

I used to live there remember.

Sorry, just re-read my original post, I didnt mean it nasty way, more a "I've had a bottle glass of wine and I remember the good ol' days at local park

geordieminx · 31/07/2009 23:03

feel bad now sorry

Paolosgirl · 31/07/2009 23:15

I wouldn't stress too much about a 12 year old being out til 8.30. Mine DS is kept on a tight rein, but is occasionally allowed to stay out this late if he's playing football with his friends - no biggie imo, but we live in a quiet residential area.

The love bites and snogging would really worry me though - you've done the right thing by grounding him, and a mother-son or father-son chat would def. be a good idea.

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 23:16

No probs geordie, I guessed that's what you meant .

Ahhhh, yes.........the park.

OP posts:

AitchTwoOh · 31/07/2009 23:20

we were good kids, nice area etc but i distinctly remember people experimenting with lovebites etc when i was eleven and twelve etc. (not that i did, i was too geeky). the cooler kids did, most deffo, and none of them seem to ahve come to any great harm.

i wouldn't read too much into it, tbh. stewing good, talking without eye contact good (saying that you hope it was a girl, bad. imo).

Original poster

BettySwollux · 31/07/2009 23:23

Metella,he was not alone in the park, he was with a large group of friends.
He is usually in at 8.30 but because of where he was/ who he was with/ light nights etc, we extended curfew for half an hour.

OP posts:

Metella · 31/07/2009 23:27

Sorry, Betty - not having a go at you! When I said "alone" I meant without adults around!

Ds1 is a home-loving boy and hates football etc so there would be no reason for him to be in the park in the first place!!!!!

I'm sure you are doing the right thing with your son. It's just a shock to me because ds1 is so "young for his years".

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