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Original poster

HTF do I toilet train ds, nearly 3?

27 replies

nickytwotimes · 13/06/2009 20:49

He is very resistant to it and cries for a nappy if I put pants on him.
He has no idea he is peeing until it reaches his feet.

I am not a fan of using sweets/stickers, so what the hell do I do? He is the only child in our group who is still in nappies and I am beginning to feel like a pariaha.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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dinkystinky · 13/06/2009 20:55

Relax - he will get potty trained. We potty trained DS1 at nearly 3 but he was ready then and really into the idea of wearing "big boy pants" (particularly as he'd recently got a baby brother so was into being a big boy)...

What I'd suggest is

get some books about using the potty to read to him to get him used to the idea

put some potties around the house for him to play with, for example putting his teddies on the potty

when he's relaxed with the potties, maybe try getting him to sit on it every day while you read a book to him so he finds it fun

if he does anything in the potty, praise praise praise

when you think he's ready, take him big boy pant shopping; he'll get really excited about character pants (DS1 loved getting ben 10, thomas and george pig pants)

and ignore all your friends who have potty trained already. Kids do it at their own pace and when they're ready - he will be potty trained by the time he's 5 and the more relaxed and chilled you are about it all, the more he will be.

You may also want to take a look at the MN potty training advice page.

Good luck

Original poster

nickytwotimes · 13/06/2009 21:02

Thanks for the comprehensive post, dinky.
We ahve a couple of potty books and he likes to read them and put his teddy on the potty. I just feel so pressureised aobut it. He has always been quick to do things, so I feel a bit meh that he is unable to do this. I am beginning to resent haivng to change his nappy.

OP posts:

dinkystinky · 13/06/2009 21:12

Honestly Nicky, it soudns like it will suddenly click for him and he'll be completely dry day and night in no time at all. Just dont sweat it too much and try to treat it really lightly (if he does want to do a wee in the potty great, if not no big deal). He will get it - just ignore your friends and be grateful for the lack of stains on your carpet/sofa/etc at the moment FWIW, some friends of mine didnt potty train till over 3 - and they went straight on to using the loo and doing standing up wees like daddy and their DC got it straight off.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

Original poster

nickytwotimes · 13/06/2009 21:13

Thanks dinky.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 13/06/2009 21:21

DS didn't train till 3.5 (he had language delay which probably didn't help). It's not that unusual for a 3 year old boy (one of Gina Ford's books reckons that 40% of 3 year old boys aren't trained!), so don't panic, and don't be put off by the smuggery of those whose kids are already trained. with DS it was a suddenly clicking thing - and he never really got to grips with the potty, started using the toilet straightaway. the Gina Ford potty train book in a week is quite good, reassuring for latish training as she is very much a believer in the child being ready.

Original poster

nickytwotimes · 13/06/2009 21:26

Good to hear the 40% thing.
I read that the average age for boys to be toilet trained is 33 mths. Given that there are a number of then tted by 2.6/2.7/whatever, then I guess there are a number not tted till after 3 either?
it has alwayas been something I dreaded tbh. That and bfing. It was a nightmare too!
I need to lighten up, don't I?

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Ceebee74 · 13/06/2009 21:26

Just wanted to say I completely sympathise with you.

DS1 is 3 in a months time and I was worrying that we missed the 'window' as he was keen on the potty a while ago but due to his new brother arriving etc, we ignored the signs and kept him in nappies - he is now refusing to wear his underpants that we bought him (which he has always been keen to wear - albeit over his nappy ) and even nursery can't persuade him otherwise.

Not sure where to go from here tbh.

Original poster

nickytwotimes · 13/06/2009 21:30

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Ceebee74 · 13/06/2009 21:35

Lol - the worst part is that both him and DS2 fit in size 4 nappies so we are just buying the one size - we thought that might shame him into trying but obviously not - he quite likes sharing 'his' nappies with his baby bro

bigeyes · 13/06/2009 21:37

Bribe him with thomas engines - or whatever

dinkystinky · 14/06/2009 20:43

He'll get it Ceebee - he obviously just rather likes being like his baby brother at the moment. If its any consolation my 3 year old likes sitting in his baby brother's pram attachment or his carseat and playing with his activity mat pretending to be a baby I'm sure he'll get to the point where he wants to be the big boy and get all the praise that goes with potty training.

Ceebee74 · 14/06/2009 20:48

Dinky thanks for that advice. Atm, he swings between wanting to be treated like a 'big boy' and refusing anything which his baby bro has as it is for 'babies' to wanting to do whatever DS2 does/has (yes including lying or sitting on his playgym/bouncy chair/bumbo).

I think he is just a bit confused about his 'status' in the family iyswim so probably not a great time to be potty training but I am starting to get embarrassed that his 3rd birthday is fast approaching and he is still in nappies

NoTart · 14/06/2009 21:06

My DD was only toilet trained a couple of weeks before her 3rd birthday. Started Saturday am and sorted by Sunday evening.

I waited until she was clearly ready and she did the work herself. Never had an accident or any other problems.

I really wouldn´t worry about this to tell you the truth. You have no reason to feel bad!

minxthemanx · 14/06/2009 21:16

Oh it's not just me, then! DS2 is 3 in 3 weeks, have been trying to get him out of nappies for ages, but he's having none of it! DS1 potty trained himself just before his 2nd birthday, but DS2 finds it most amusing to piddle on the carpet and say "oh dear." Has used a potty lots of time, have heaped on the praise, but to no avail. Tbh, I'm not really that bothered - he's growing up too fast anyway, and he'll get there eventually. Don't worry about it.

Katerina75 · 15/06/2009 18:52

DS turned 3 one week ago and we tied in potty training with his third birthday. We were pretty sure he was ready because we tried about 3 months ago and he seemed to be getting it (knowing when he needed to go etc)but then started withholding because he was nervous about doing poos on the potty. He was getting distressed and begging for a nappy so we decided to put him back in nappies and leave it for a bit.

We told him for a few weeks before his birthday that once he turned three he would need to give up his nappies to the "nappy fairy" who would give them to younger children who needed them more. Have no idea where that came from but bizarrely on the morning after the "nappy fairy" had been (and left him pants and a toy he really wanted!) he just accepted it without question and started taking himself to the potty.

We are now on day 5 and he's had his first day at nursery in pants and been dry all day - and done a poo on the potty - so he is doing well. We are doing a sticker chart with him but tbh he's not that interested. We haven't been accident free but there have not been too many so I'm quite hopeful that we are getting there.

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/06/2009 20:02

oh its not just me then! DS is 3 in 3 weeks and understands the whole thing just does not want to. If I try and encourage him onto the toilet he just cries. The frustrating thing is that very very occasionally he suddenly says 'I need a poo' and goes and does one - so he is more than capable just does not want to. Its almost like it scares or upsets him.

We have bought him loads of pants which he loves and takes his nappy off to wear...but then just wees on the floor.

I also have the smuggery from friends who have toilet trained their boys the same age -its not nice. Then there are those who are not smug and I just want to know how they managed it.

Nicky - I feel the same kind of resentment that you do and know its not right. I am just fed up of these giant 3 year old sized poos which go everywhere as he only wants to wear pull ups and they dont hold poo. I also feel terribly embarrassed about nursery having to clean him up - and worried about him going to school nursery in September.

I dont convey any of this to him by the way - am cheerily positive but do get frustrated when hes not there.

DD (9 months) will be sorted before him at this rate lol.

YeahBut · 15/06/2009 20:04

Dd1 was 3.9, dd2 and ds were 3.6 before being toilet trained. Relax and don't turn it into a big deal which will set things back even further. If he's not ready, it won't work.

Katerina75 · 15/06/2009 20:08

oh and my mum said that my sister and I were both well over 3 when we were trained - she said she never made a big deal of it and just gently suggested it now and then - appparently one day we were ready and that was it.

Ceebee74 · 15/06/2009 20:19

I love this thread - it has made me feel a bit more normal

Peppa we have the same joke about DS2, who is 7 months old (obviously in private as wouldn't want to put any pressure on DS1 ) Also, pull-ups are so rubbish at holding in poo that we tried them for one day and went straight back to nappies!!

Nursery seem to be having more success than me so I sent him with a load of underpants last week in the hope they might persuade him to wear them - absolutely not. Apparently he had a complete meltdown when they suggested it.

Also, I am worried that when he is tired or whatever, he gets very contrary and I just know he will wee and poo on the floor deliberately!!

Katerina it is nice to hear someone older admitting that as everyone I talk to (including my mum) insist all babies were trained by the time they are 1

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/06/2009 20:26

'Also, I am worried that when he is tired or whatever, he gets very contrary and I just know he will wee and poo on the floor deliberately!!'

Do we have the same child?!

Original poster

nickytwotimes · 15/06/2009 20:27

ooh, glad more of us owners of nappy loving toddlers have come out hte closet.

I have to say I am feeling much more chilled aobut it this week. In fact, today, I don't even care!

This is in part due to this thread and in part due to the fact that over the weekend, I met a load of other Mums who have toddlers still in nappies at 3 plus. God, i am such a sheep.

Feeling much better anyway.

OP posts:

Ceebee74 · 15/06/2009 20:42

Peppa I think we might have the same child except my DS1 is 3 in 4 weeks time

Yay for nappy loving toddlers although I am often cursing when DS1 and DS2 seem to poo in relay....grrrr!

Katerina75 · 15/06/2009 20:43

ceebee - it's great, isn't it - mum said she had loads of pressure from everyone but just resisted it

peppapighastakenovermylife · 15/06/2009 21:42

Ah now, DS was a week early you see...so you had the version of him that was meant to be born on July 13th...

MavisGrind · 15/06/2009 21:49

Another one here with a nappy loving toddler. My ds1 is 3.1 and there is no persuading him into pants. I'm just waiting until he's ready - after all, as soon as he's in pants I've got to know where all the toilets are when we're out. There's a lot to be said for having them in nappies you know..

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