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Original poster

DS 4.3 years and I STILL have to sit at his bedside till he goes to sleep - Anyone else do this?

48 replies

bottletopbill · 19/05/2009 20:42

This has been going on around 12 months now and Im fed up! He genuinely seems scared to be on his own but now not sure if its a habit.

I said tonight that perhaps next week, he could try and be a big boy at bedtime. I will do stories etc... then leave his door open and go downstairs. He was not having any of it!!!

Its not too much of a problem most nights he will go to sleep within 20 mins but tonight it was a little longer.

Anyone else still do this?

OP posts:

Original poster

bottletopbill · 19/05/2009 21:36

Cripes....am I the only one!!!! Now I feel depressed!!!

OP posts:

policywonk · 19/05/2009 21:37

I still do it most nights - DS2 isn't scared though, he's just spoiled I will leave him if he's mucking about and not lying quietly.

I've resigned myself to it - I settle down and read the paper.

BiscuitStuffer · 19/05/2009 21:55

I imagine that because it's been going on for so long now that it's the equivalent of us moving out of our bed in to the spare bed? All a bit wierd and for someone of that age, daunting? Must be done though and a night or two in, it will all be fine and be the new normal.

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BiscuitStuffer · 19/05/2009 21:56

Actually it's probably more similar to when DH goes away - used to take me ages to get to sleep as I was so used to us going to bed togther. Since I've started going to bed earlier than him, I now find it strange to wake up and he's in there!

ThingOne · 19/05/2009 21:57

My 5.5 year old still has someone with him most nights. We are working on leaving him now but he's been through a traumatic couple of years so keeping him relaxed and secure about bedtimes has been essential. Getting bored of it now, though.

hester · 19/05/2009 21:58

I do this - dd is 3.6. She's not scared, but she does like, and I suppose I do too.

Paolosgirl · 19/05/2009 21:59

Dh used to do this for DS1 until he was older than 4. I didn't like it, didn't think it was necessary, but he was a poor sleeper and it was the quickest way to settle him. Anyway, at our first appointment with the child psychologist (for a raft of other things), I mentioned this, and she very diplomatically said that it was not ideal, and suggested stopping it. We explained to DS what we were going to do, had a few nights of tantrums and tears, and then he settled down and has never looked back.

francagoestohollywood · 19/05/2009 22:02

I'd offer to sit by his bedroom ,how does that sound?

Btw, ds is nearly 7 and after Christmas he started to have nightmares (and being unsettled at school) that he wanted me by his side while he fell asleep. Now we've agreed that I or dh will sit by the bedroom door

francagoestohollywood · 19/05/2009 22:02

I meant by his bedroom door

DoNotAnnoy · 19/05/2009 22:06

A suggestion - worked for DTDS but they weren't totally alone as they had each other. And they were a bit younger (about 3-3,6 I think).

Read him a story. Then put a tape/CD on. We used story CDs and let the "special lady" read them some stories. You could record your own.

DTDs have only in the last 12m or so stopped having a story CD at bedtime (they are 8 now).

piscesmoon · 19/05/2009 22:25

At that age I made them seem a bit more grown up by saying that after I had read a story they could look at books for a while on their own and then go to sleep. The story tape/CD is a good idea.

Gateau · 20/05/2009 09:34

We do this with DS but he's only two. We don't always sit by his bedside, though; we are trying to get further and further away, in the hope that - eventually - we will be out the door!
The reason we do it? He's been in a big bed for about four months and if we don't do this he just gets out of it continually. and also, well, it's become a habit. Not worryting too much about it at this young age, have to say.

ssd · 20/05/2009 09:36

op, I did this till ds2 was 7...............drove me NUTS(sorry - guess you don't want to hear that!)

he grew out of it himself, he just refused to sleep unless me or dh was there and boy can he last a long time with no sleep!!

CaptainKarvol · 20/05/2009 09:59

DS is younger (3.2), but we are only just at the stage of being able to sit in a chair in his room rather than by the bed holding his hand. We've been doing this for 2 months now, and still, every night, we have tears and 'I just want you to hold my hand...'. He hasn't yet slept through either.

cockles · 20/05/2009 10:03

I don't see what's wrong with it, he's still little, but have you tried 'I'll just go and have a wee/put the dinner on and be back in 5 minutes?' Almost always works for us and he is always asleep by the time I come back. You could start with teeny intervals.

crokky · 20/05/2009 10:23

I cannot even get my 3.2yo into his own room so you are doing better than me!

LadyG · 20/05/2009 10:33

Story CDs, 'checking' I'm just going to start dinner/put washing on and then come and check on you' , staying for a finite amount of time (ours is 2 minutes) but often I am mortified to admit have snuggled up in bed next to him for '2 minutes' and fallen asleep myself.

Bucharest · 20/05/2009 10:36

I'm still there too and dd will be 6 in October....
I've decided to look on it like this: I read a book while she dozes off...It isn't going to be forever....I try and relax myself while I'm in there.....
Captain karvol- dd first slept through when she was 4....(it's why I chuck things at the keyboard when I see threads about babies not sleeping through) but since then, she very rarely wakes up.
This too shall pass etc.....

muffle · 20/05/2009 10:40

This is what my DS (nearly 4) would have if it was his choice, and we've had phases of having to lie down with him or sit with to help him get off to sleep. But atm we have an agreement that we will leave the door open so it's not dark, and then we will go and do some chores and he will be able to hear us, and then one of us will come back when we've done some jobs for a few minutes. He usually falls asleep first (as long as he's sufficiently tired, has had exercise etc)

You could try this bargain and just stay away a minute / go to do something tiny each time, and gradually increase the time.

MrsFreedy · 20/05/2009 13:50

We have been through the same with DT1 who sleeps in the same room as DT2. We did a few things:

Asked if there was anything bothering her and would discuss it.

I would sit on her bed for a few minutes and then pretend that my back hurts so I told her that I am going to lay the floor near the bedroom door with my legs resting on the wall.

Once she was comfortable with that we had a reward chart and would she would only move up the chart if I could put her to bed and leave the room.

Grammaticus · 20/05/2009 13:56

To the OP - no way! Suggest you move out by stealth, sitting 6 inches further away each night. It'll take ages, but it shouldn't upset him. Then you'll get your evening back - hurrah.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 20/05/2009 14:05

I use it as time to practice my hypnobirthing breathing stuff (DC2 sue any day). DS is almost 4 and we've been doing this for ages.

Not only is the breathing going to ensure a totally pain free birth it is also good at reducing my feelings of wanting to scream "GO TO BLARDY SLEEP" at the little darling.

Maybe meditation is the way forward.

NotSoRampantRabbit · 20/05/2009 14:06

*due

I may sue DC2 if the birth is dreadful.

smee · 20/05/2009 14:08

I have two friends, wiht boys of 8 and 5 respectively and both still need their mum to be there . Why not do a half way post. Say you'll sit on the landing, that way you can read - makes it far more bearable imo. Only sit there if he stays quiet and in bed, otherwise say you'll have to go. Once he's accepted that, say I'll just nip to the toilet/ get a drink, etc. Go but come back quickly so he's okay with it, then gradually increase the time it takes you to get back. Then once he's okay with that, go for not sitting outside, but saying you will in a bit, you've just got a couple of things to do first...

ssd · 20/05/2009 21:57

Grammaticus, what age are your kids?

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