DS 4.3 years and I STILL have to sit at his bedside till he goes to sleep - Anyone else do this?

[bottletopbill]

This has been going on around 12 months now and Im fed up! He genuinely seems scared to be on his own but now not sure if its a habit.

I said tonight that perhaps next week, he could try and be a big boy at bedtime. I will do stories etc... then leave his door open and go downstairs. He was not having any of it!!!

Its not too much of a problem most nights he will go to sleep within 20 mins but tonight it was a little longer.

Anyone else still do this?

I sit/ lie with my 4.10 yr old. A couple of times he has listened to an audiobook but I don't mind doing it. One day he won't want me to

Ridiculous. Who is the parent here? You need to lay down rules.

Otherwise you will end up like me with a 7.6 year old who can't go to sleep himself!

I really think some children need the comfort more than others. And I really need to be stronger!

I did this for a long time with dd. NO doubt binding rods for back etc etc. But she is now 12 and doesn't even want a story any longer (boo hoo). SO those rods don't last forever

I do this with dd and she is 2 the only one who has a problem with it is dp! I like it and so does she. she falls asleep very quickly - usually within half an hour if i am there, but would just cry and cry if i'm not. I'd rather she fell asleep feeling happy and secure. I'm sure like other children she will grow out of it. It is a bind sometimes - she wont settle for anyone else and means that its difficult to go out till later in the evening but its only for a while and like cory said, the time comes all too soon when they don't even want you to read a story or be in their rooms.

cory, thats how i feel, that it won't last forever.

I did get fed up with it, and stopped when dd was about 5, i felt i never got an evening off. dd is a terribly awake child, and has never gotoff to sleep well, even when exhausted.

Sh'e gone thru alot of turama too tho, so even now she's 7, sometimes stay with her if she's upset.

As a 7 yr old I see the way she's getting older sooooo quickly now, and I like being with her and seeing her sleep.

I agree with other suggestions. Try gradual withdrawal - its not so harsh as just saying 'right I'm off downstairs'

The other thing I do with DS(2.2) who often asks 'mummy sit there now' at bedtime is to say that if he's a good boy and stays in bed, mummy will sit outside the door. Which I do. With a book of course. And I shuffle occasionally so he can hear me. Any whinging I tell him to shush and that I'm just outside, but that if he gets out of bed I'm going downstairs. Usually works, and I creep off after 10 minutes.

ds is 4.7 and I do this every night. We love it, it's a quiet and special time. After stories we chat about the day while he settles down with his eyes closed. Then I just sit quietly with him and hold his hand till he drops off. It only takes 10 mins or so. If he's by himself it takes over an hour and he keeps asking for us to go up as he wants company. It won't be forever, soon enough he'll be bundling us out of the door and saying "gerroff mum" when I try to hug him so I'm taking my cuddles while I can!

I don't like going to sleep by myself, why should he?

Oh so many mixed responses Im confused!!!!

IVe tried the Im going to sit outside option but he goes really tearful and bedtime isnt nice and peaceful.

Then I read some of the posts on it doesnt last forever and gra it whilst you can .... he wakes most nights also and comes into our bed - does seem genuinely scared of being on his own and the dark.

It really dependson how you feel/how fed up you are.
I'm so much meaner to DD 10 months than I was to (nearly 4 yr old) DS at her age (although I'm meaner than I was to him too) in terms of NOT staying with them while they fall asleep. I am on maternity leave, DH works long hours and by bedtime I HAVE HAD ENOUGH much adored as they both are. The increase in meanness of mummy doesn't seem to have had any lasting ill effects. DS does still come into our bed occasionally (the scared thing also) but I don't really wake up enough to be able to do anything concrete about that.

mine are 10 and 8 - why?

My 2.5 dd1 sleeps like this too. Always been a terrible sleeper but now sleeps through in her own bed. She has a drink, we chat about her day and then we snuggle down together. It takes about 20 mins for her to sleep.

I enjoy it, she snuggles in really tightly to me. I get a chance to lie and do my pelvic floor exercises (pelvic floor prolapse following dd2).

If dd2 isn't asleep (she is a 4 weeks old now) - I usually breastfeed her in the bed - so there are 3 of us in there!

I'm not sure what I'll do in the future when dd2 gets older though! I suppose I'll just have to work it out day by day! Half of me thinks I'll have to get a bit stricter and get her to be a 'big girl' and go asleep on her own

Just to say dd1 is in a double bed - there would be no chance of 3 of us fitting into a toddler bed!!!!

Our DD aged 4.5 falls asleep in our bed with one of us beside her every night. We don't have a problem with it.

I used to stay in the room until my ds went off to sleep, pretending to be scared, just plain crafty really, bless him. Looking back it was my own fault for starting it in the first place, its all down to habit. In the end I just put him to bed big kiss, said goodnight and went out the room, loads of tears and getting up but i would not give in. Remember kids are crafty and they know how to play you, us silly mums fall for it evey time. Good Luck

My dd is 4.5 and I cuddle with her every night until she is asleep.I bf the smaller one in the bed until she is asleep,lay her down and then cuddle in with dd1 (they are both in our bed still )I enjoy it actually,especially if we have had a trying and rather shouty day like today,it sort of redresses the balance and ends the day on a loving note.

Hellymelly what does DH think of all this. Be careful he does not start straying, this happened to a dear friend of mine. The DH pretended it was ok for kids to be in the bed just to keep the peace. Dont want to scare you but just be aware its not healthy.

LeninGrad, nothing to do with abuse or child's development. I'm talking about relationship of the parents. I do agree with you that once a family there is no separation. If i had a choice of having a nice nights sleep with DH or DS I would always choose DS. I love my little boy.

Erm, ds1 is nearly six, and it was only about 3 months ago he started sleeping in his own bed at all! So no, you're not alone