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Parenting

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Original poster

Talk to me about your completed family, especially if you have two boys

45 replies

mrsgboring · 08/05/2009 20:42

I know this is early days. I know this has been done before. Sorry. If you've decided your family is complete, can you tell me what it's like please?

DS2 is 17 days old now. He's a joy and I love him, as I do DS1 who's 3.5. I adore my boys and am very happy to have them.

However..... DS2 wasn't meant to be the last child. We were intending to have one more DC after this, but this last pregnancy has been so horrendous that we're now leaning towards never doing it again. DH has pretty much made his mind up, and I know he is right, but feel sad. Before we had the boys, we had a stillborn DD, so there is a "girl shaped" hole in my heart, and a "third child shaped" hole in my heart too. That will never be filled whatever we do; it's something we'll always have to live with anyway.

BUT I never ever ever ever want to be pregnant again. The worry, illness and general stress on our family was truly awful this time round (lots of problems with baby and with me during the pgcy). I would like to be able to stop. I think we probably need to leave the baby phase behind and plan our lives making the most of what we've got.

So how did you decide enough was enough? And if you have two boys, can you please tell me how fantastic it's going to be?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pointydog · 09/05/2009 19:13

sorry. did I go too far?

foxinsocks · 09/05/2009 19:15

ooh the two ps together, how rare

don't think I knew you had 2 boys policy. How old are they?

policywonk · 09/05/2009 19:15

Och, I'm joking y'big, erm, furry sporran

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policywonk · 09/05/2009 19:16

Hello foxy. 6 and 4.

foxinsocks · 09/05/2009 19:18

aaaaaaah

boys lovely at that age I think

BaggyEyed · 09/05/2009 19:19

I have 2 boys, when pregnant I was adamant that ds2 would be our last, but when he was 2 weeks old I suddenly felt that huge hole and broodiness like I've never experienced set in!!

ds2 is now 6 months old and my broodiness has settled somewhat but I am still broody, however we are still edging towards going for dc3 as I can't imagine ds2 being my last baby and never being pregnant again. I admit I baby him far more than I did ds1 as we may not be lucky to fall pregnant again so he could be our last but not by choice. I read somewhere here that we don't regret the children we have but the children we don't have.

FWIW, we had a mmc in between both boys and it has left a big gap of what if's....

Anyway, congrats, enjoy your baby! time will fly by and see how you feel in a few months!

justaboutspringtime · 09/05/2009 19:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

policywonk · 09/05/2009 19:22

policywonk · 09/05/2009 19:23

Hey congratulations Justa!!

justaboutspringtime · 09/05/2009 19:24

This reply has been deleted

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policywonk · 09/05/2009 19:25

Fingers crossed for you.

pointydog · 09/05/2009 19:29

(you know, I don;t think anyone's done an angry face at me before).

To op, I think you should just give yourself time just now to enjoy the children you have - you have a tiny baby and that will be tiring and emotional enough for you.

thirtysomething · 09/05/2009 19:35

I have one of each but had a baby-shaped hole for years over the third we never had...however it does get easier and you do finally learn to accept it and appreciate what you do have.....Also, I know it's easy for me to say as I have a girl as well as a boy but they really are just individuals - DS is definitely far more like me than DD yet I always thought she'd be a "mini-me" - she isn't, she's her own unique individual and we don't do all the girly things I'd imagined. yet she's so cool and creative and quirky and loads of things I'd never have imagined (as is DS,...) So I guess my point is all children are different and if you don't think of the girl you never had you will find lots of things about your boys that you may have imagined in your girl etc......

Original poster

mrsgboring · 10/05/2009 21:32

Oh gosh even more messages since I last looked - DS2 has been keeping me busy.

Justabout, good luck with your pg.

thirtysomething, I really don't know what I would be hoping for from a DD - I'm not a girly girl type really. I don't think I want a mini-me, and definitely don't want someone to go shopping with. But I do find myself appraising baby girls' clothes and thinking how I would want to dress a girl of my own. I have no idea if I'd ever want a girl if we hadn't lost DD.

I should try to put this out of my mind right now, I know.

OP posts:

Chooster · 10/05/2009 23:14

A lot of this is so similar for me... I've 2 boys who are 4 and 1 and they are everything to me. I just ADORE them... I also lost a boy in between them at 21 weeks. Also at the moment I've developed this need to have another baby. My youngest is 22 months so its not like its post birth hormones or anything and its been getting stronger over time. I keep imaging all the reasons to have another and all the reasons not to. DH not wanting another kind of adds to the list . I am so grateful for what I've got and should really not chance things again (what killed my second son has a 25% chance of happening again), BUT I can't help it.

I thought it was because I wanted a girl... Like you MrsG, I'm not a girlie girl at all and having boys suits me but there is still a small hankering for a daughter. Having said that recently I've started to think that 3 boys would actually be better, which is what makes me think that its the 3rd baby I want, not a specific gender.

We probably never will do it, and I'm sure that will the right decision, so for the moment I just need to indulge my thoughts!

By the way, having two boys is fantastic! My age gap is the same as yours and they adore each other. DS2 is always desperate to see DS1 and DS1 is so loving to his brother. naturally they do the whole naked wrestling thing, which I'm pleased to see is fairly common. The funniest thing I heard recently was DS1 saying "Mum get Ds2 off me his willy has just gone in my mouth". Oh, how he will laugh at that story when he's older . But it really genuinely is great, I'm so pleased that they both have a brother who they can grow up with, its going to be such a special relationship for them. And as a mum I couldn't ask for more, they are funny, cuddly, kind, loud, energetic and they love their mum!

risingstar · 11/05/2009 09:36

well.....I have all girls. However, after DD2, the idea was no more. Couldn't afford more etc etc. dh was adament he didnt want any more. I wanted another when dd2 was 5, hubby still didn't. Then he decided he would quite like a son. Followed by decision that would only go for it when we both decided we wanted another child, rather than a son. A year later we started trying. 2 years later dd3, with a 10 year age gap from DD2!!

Now we are an extreme case.But I think that it helped me to just tuck the idea of completing our family away at the back of my mind and decide to think about it in 6 months time.

This may be a bit hypocritical though, because i really wanted a daughter and suspect that if we had had a DS1 and DS2 there may not have been 10 year wait for no 3!

PutDown · 11/05/2009 12:28

I am completely the opposite in that I always wanted 4 DCS,had 2 DDS and one DS then a 7 yr gap until DD3 came along.And I am so much more a mother of girls,IFYSWIM.DS is my blue eyed boy,but I relate more to the girls,yes,and argue with them more,plus have to hide make up,clothes etc....
I KNOW THAT HAD i ONLY HAD sons,I would have yearned for a daughter.
I know I am very lucky to have 4 healthy children,especially after horrendous life threatening fouth birth.

MrsMattie · 11/05/2009 12:34

Not much to add, except my own experience. I have a 4 yr old boy and a 6 mth old girl. I would like a third in a perfect world - maybe in a year or two from now - but my DH is adamant there will be no more. I have had two hard pregnancies and c-sections, and he doesn't want me going through it again or for him and the kids to have to deal with the fall out from me being so 'out of action' for so long again. He has a point.

I don't have the 'girl shaped hole', as have one of each, so perhaps it's not quite the same, but I do dream of having a third and feel a lump in my throat at the thought that it will probably never happen. Not quite sure how you go about squaring that with yourself, although I have friends who say it gets easier as time goes on and you start to enjoy the freedoms involved in having older children....

WowOoo · 11/05/2009 12:40

MrsG, sorry to hear about your dd

Lots of good advice here. Will repeat some!
Leave even thinking about another til next month, month after that etc. Think it could be your hormones

Remember being really really clucky v soon after birth of DS and then it went away while I was preoccupied by colicky screaming hungry child.

Congrats on new baby. I'm having my second boy too in a few months and I look longingly at girls clothes and toys...No more for me though. Will borrow one!

Original poster

mrsgboring · 12/05/2009 15:51

Thank you for all the new replies, it is very helpful.

MrsMattie that is chiefly our reason for not going for it again - the hard pregnancies and the resultant neglect of older child(ren). But it seems so silly to me that for the sake of 8 months of misery we make such a big decision. Plus I know others are much iller with pgs and have more worries than I do and still find the courage etc. to do it again.

Everyone who says it's my hormones, you're probably right. I'm hoping it will settle down. It would definitely be easier to leave the pregnant phase of life behind with a cheerful heart and never look back.

OP posts:

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