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Parenting

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Original poster

What do you do about evening babysitting when you don't have family on tap?

88 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 14/03/2009 13:31

We have 2 DCs (5 and 7). Our only family remotely nearby are DH's parents who live about a 25 minute drive away. They have our DC to stay at their house around 2-3 times a year so me and DH can go out/have a night off. We also ask them about 2-3 times a year for evening babysitting (i.e. them coming to our house). Althought they always agree to come on these rare occasions, you can tell they find it a PITA.

Has become an issue at the moment as have asked the ILs to babysit and hate feeling a nuisance.

I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a local teenager to babysit as I/my DC don't know any of them and we wouldn't use them often enough to build up a relationship.

My MIL often talks about the babysitting circle they used in their day (obviously hinting that this is what we should do). There isn't one where we live and I have been asking my schoolgate friends whether they would be interested in being part of one. But I haven't found anyone yet who is particularly keen. They seem to think it is a good idea but not for them, mainly because
A) They have family available to help so don't need to get into the kind of reciprocal relationship a circle would involve (majority of parents have at least one partner who is local so have grandparents to hand).
and/or
B) They would only want to leave their DC at night with family.

What do other MNetters do? or do you just not go out at night....

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

pagwatch · 14/03/2009 13:41

I don't have any family locally and one of my children has special needs so I use an agency. They only send me qualified staff - usually mums who were teachers,nannys, nursery nurses or similar. They are usually mums who are making extra money whilst daytime SAHMs. They have been brilliant and i have never had a problem. They try and send me the same sitter each time but I can choose which one I would prefer.

RoseOfTheOrient · 14/03/2009 13:44

My family is 6000 miles away, and DHs FIL is nearly 90 and not much use on the babysitting front. There is no culture of babysitting where I live.
We go out with the DC, or go out separately...not been out as a couple at night since DCs were born (11 years ago...)

Nabster · 14/03/2009 13:45

We just don't go out.

Two dinners out in 8 years.

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nappyzonehasastroppytoddler · 14/03/2009 13:49

We similar to you just feel were a pita asking il's to babysit soodont go out or when we do we rush back ....... my dc goes to a nursery on my workdays and i know the girls there offer private babysitting services which i would be happy with as obv my dc know them as do i. However i have never been that desperate to go out

foxinsocks · 14/03/2009 13:50

we pay for it

are there any families at your school with au pairs? if you know the families well enough, you could ask them if their au pair would like any extra babysitting? (be prepared for them to say no!). Quite a few people we know are happy for their au pairs to babysit. Some nannies will do it too.

foxinsocks · 14/03/2009 13:52

(realised the other day that I have not been out in the evening with dh on our own for yonks, probably nearly a year!)

rookiemater · 14/03/2009 13:55

I'm lucky one of my friends set up a babysitting circle for us on www.mynightoff.com . It's fantastic as long as you can get two people initially to join, then mention it to other Mums and before long hopefully there will be about 6 Mums in the circle.

I know everyone on there, but only superficially however it means that each person in the circle is well known by at least one other person.

It works very well for us.

pagwatch · 14/03/2009 13:55

Good grief. Contactthe sixth form of your local school - or any local collage that you like. Find people doing nursery qualifications or trainee teacher. But find someone.

DH and i love each other enormously but DS2s SN put us under a lot of pressure - alongside two 'ordinary' children and all the accompanying stresses. If we had not gone out occasionally - just to sit together and remember why we love each other - I am not sure we would have made it. Certainly the last ten years would have been intolerably harder.
This should be a priority. You are a couple not just parents. If you loose that it is harder to hold on to everything else.

When we had no money we would still save to have a babysitter for a few hours even if we just went out to have a glass of wine and talk. Now we do supper once a month - and i don't thinkthat is enough.

Do it.

bellavita · 14/03/2009 13:56

A local boy sits for us, but it gets expensive as it is another £20 on top of going out.

More often than not we go out as a family instead for tea.

Ocasionally, my parents babysit, they live about 50 minutes away from us. They are more than willing to sit everytime, but I like them to come here for us to see them and spend time with them rather than us just go out if that makes sense.

pagwatch · 14/03/2009 13:58

bella
my son is cheaper than that if you leave biscuits

Clayhead · 14/03/2009 14:03

Don't go out at night

hf128219 · 14/03/2009 14:04

we use www.sitters.co.uk

motherinferior · 14/03/2009 14:21

I trawl, in slightly alarming manner, all the local teenagers I know.

But mostly, er, we don't. But then I tend to feel that it's quite often more important to get away from one's partner, frankly. Parenthood tends to hit an awful lot of other relationships, and it is much easier to neglect your friends than your co-parent.

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/03/2009 14:23

DH and I either go out separately (rare) or we take DS with us. We were never big on going out at night before DS anyway.

rookiemater · 14/03/2009 14:24

Interesting poing motherinferior. I find that I socialise much more with my friends than my DH due to the lack of babysitting issues, and perhaps as a result am much more pleasant and chatty with them than with poor long suffering DH.

I'm a teenager trawler too as always helps to have back up as well as the circle. Our neighbours son sits sometimes for us, but the trouble with teenagers is they tend to develop active social lives and girlfriends so now he has announced that he can only do Sunday nights or Friday nights ( with a lot of advance notice).

flowerybeanbag · 14/03/2009 14:26

We don't really. We have been out for a meal just the two of us one evening once when we were staying with DH's parents, and they were in charge of the monitor.

We get either them or our nanny to babysit occasionally so we can go to football together every once in a while, but we don't go out at night.

sb6699 · 14/03/2009 14:28

After 3 years being 400 miles away from family/friends and no-one to babysit I think I have finally found a solution!

One of dd1's friends has a nanny. I was chatting to her the other day and she said she was trying to raise some extra cash for a flat. So I asked her if she would be interested in sitting and she was really enthusiastic.

I have 3 dc's (youngest is 2) so wasn't comfortable with a teenager either. Being a qualified nanny she can obviously deal with nappies/tantrums, etc and she even drives so I wouldn't need to pay for her to get a taxi home

Are there any nannies at your dc's school who would be willing to help out.

motherinferior · 14/03/2009 14:30

Also friends who don't have kids are often quite happy to babysit. Yes, you have to ask quite a long time in advance - what with them having a life and all - but they're frightfully reliable, and free.

Original poster

Flyonthewindscreen · 14/03/2009 14:34

Thanks for the replies.

I agree with you Pagwatch that it is important to still be a couple as well as parents. DH and me have 2 nights a week where we have dinner with wine together and don't do jobs/go off and do own thing, which partly makes up for not going out. But obviously this is not an option as DC get older and stay up later!

Would feel strange leaving DC with someone I didn't know fairly well, Rookiemater love the idea of using www.mynightoff.com, if only I could find some other local parents to join it with me...

OP posts:

gardeningmum05 · 14/03/2009 14:37

we have no family to rely on and didnt go out for about a year and we found it very testing for our relationship. its amazing how good you feel about each other again after a night out. i genuinely believe every couple need a night out regularly.
i found my sitter through work, she is the daughter of a friend i work with, and very luckily lives only afew doors down so my DP can walk her home

lljkk · 14/03/2009 17:42

Get someone in we know from dc nursery or playgroup or their regular childminder (obviously pay in all cases).
I suppose we've had ... 5? 6? evenings out sans DC in 10 years.

ABetaDad · 14/03/2009 17:52

nabster - same situation here. Been out twice in the evening in 9 years.

We 'get round the problem' by going out together at lunch time.

piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 17:59

I always belonged to a babysitting circle and it worked fine. When I was a single parent I paid. I agree with pagwatch-go to local 6th form or college. When I was in the 6th form I got my babysitting job that way. The games teacher said that her friend wanted a sitter and lived in my village. I became a very regular sitter and stayed the night if they were out late.

cat64 · 14/03/2009 18:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 18:14

I put an ad in the local paper and asked for written replies and interviewed them. You can tell if they are OK; one was the Head Girl of her school and I could be confident that she had the right qualities, another lived in the same road with her mum on hand.
It is a bit pathetic for people to say they can't get a sitter if they don't try.

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