What do you do about evening babysitting when you don't have family on tap?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

We have 2 DCs (5 and 7). Our only family remotely nearby are DH's parents who live about a 25 minute drive away. They have our DC to stay at their house around 2-3 times a year so me and DH can go out/have a night off. We also ask them about 2-3 times a year for evening babysitting (i.e. them coming to our house). Althought they always agree to come on these rare occasions, you can tell they find it a PITA.

Has become an issue at the moment as have asked the ILs to babysit and hate feeling a nuisance.

I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a local teenager to babysit as I/my DC don't know any of them and we wouldn't use them often enough to build up a relationship.

My MIL often talks about the babysitting circle they used in their day (obviously hinting that this is what we should do). There isn't one where we live and I have been asking my schoolgate friends whether they would be interested in being part of one. But I haven't found anyone yet who is particularly keen. They seem to think it is a good idea but not for them, mainly because
A) They have family available to help so don't need to get into the kind of reciprocal relationship a circle would involve (majority of parents have at least one partner who is local so have grandparents to hand).
and/or
B) They would only want to leave their DC at night with family.

What do other MNetters do? or do you just not go out at night....

I think its easiest not to mention the word "babysitting circle". As that sounds all official and complicated and puts people off. It also puts people off if they think the circle might be quite big so they wouldn't know their babysitter very well.

If you go out quite rarely, you only need to find one person and say to them, would you like to do swaps? That's what I do. It is easy to keep track of. Just casually mention it to all your friends- you might be surprised who is interested. I have two regular "swap" systems going and it gets us at least one night out a month. Which definitely keeps me sane and marriage on track.

I think it is very sad that people can't go out as a couple, and there are ways around it. You don't have to have family around. When I was a single parent I had a much older lady, she loved it and my DS loved it-she became like an exta grandmother. When I remarried I helped out a neighbour who was a single parent, she had mine before or after school and I repaid her by sitting in the evening. It is fair enough if you really can't find a way around it,but I think there are some people who think that they can't trust anyone else, other than themselves with their DCs.

oh god we're gonna have this problem. Nearest IL is 2 hrs away

I would never ever use an agency, A friend of mine does babysitting through agencies and she has never once been asked to do a CRB check by any of them and says that the interviews are basically "when can you start". Of course they all call their staff "highly qualified" when they advertise but I dont think my friend's degree in film studies is quite what parents interpret by that!

I hope I manage to make/find a babysitting circle

I babysat as a teenager, I never rummaged through anyone's knicker drawer! There are lots of lovely, older teenagers around who would be completely reliable and trustworthy.
You could ask at yourlocal 6th form and get staff to filter out anyone unsuitable.

I help a couple of friendly teenagers with homework from time to time in exchange for occasional babysitting. They are delightful, DD hassles us to go out so they will put her to bed, they seem happy (they even say thank-you for being given a maths lesson ). I also leave chocolate for them when we go out.

I used to babysit as a teenager and never did anything except play snap with the kids, watch telly & drink tea.

I wouldn't have rummaged through any drawers-it would be like reading a diary-I would feel too uncomfortable. I accept that a teacher couldn't know what a draw rummager looks like but you have to trust. If you go out anyone, family included, could be nosy. I don't think it is good for parents, or the DCs, for the parents never to go out, either because they feel that noone can be trusted with their DCs or they may look where they shouldn't.

Takver - haven't seen you around for a while. how are you?

You won't know me as i've name changed but it was nice to see your name.

I am very lucky in that I have a couple of friends, one in particular who loves looking after DD, and actually wants to do it from time to time.

And another friend has a 15 year old DD who sits for about £20 if we need it. We go out once a month or so, and DD has just been able to stay over on occasion.

We have no family around us at all, brother lives in Durham (we are in Devon) other brother lives in London and would not babysit anyway, rest of family in USA. Luckily our friends are more like family...

Prior to moving we swapped with friends. I'd go and babysit for friends (dh at home with our children) while they went out as a couple and the following week they would return the favour. Didn't do it very often, just once in a while.

Now we've moved we don't have any friends so we don't go out.

We leave them with friends for the night. I find this easier to ask as a favour than asking a friend to babysit. And we have children back in return. I am much keener to babysit children in our home than to have to spend the evening in someone else's home. And the dc love going to sleep at other people's houses.

Or we go out separately, we like doing that anyway.

Sorry, can I hijack a little bit? Those of you who do go out, do all your children sleep? DS has been such a horrendous sleeper we've never felt we could leave him much even with family, as until recently he woke constantly and would have the screaming abdabs and we didn't feel we could inflict that on anyone else. He's getting better now though (but we're having another baby)

What do parents of poor sleepers do?

There are lots of complaints on mumsnet of MIL and parents snooping, moving things and generally interfering, Mutt- a nice, trustworthy, teenager might be better for some people!

When I was a teenage babysitter mrsboring, one toddler always woke and always cried-I coped.

Thanks, Pisces. Gives me hope, that, that we might be brave enough to leave them once DC2 gets old enough...

How much, roughly, does Sitters cost? Seriously thinking of using them next week as I am desperate for a night out.

DH is a chef and works 5 nights a week and no family nearby. I hate neglecting my friends the way I do.

She was hard work mrsboring-I had to distract her with toys until I got her back to sleep!

Mrsboring our dd was a bad sleeper, and I have to say that we didn't leave her until she got (much) better. I would have been uncomfortable leaving her with someone knowing that she would probably wake up.
Overall I'm not sure I would leave a toddler with a teenager, but a 4yr old plus is very different, basically once they are old enough to explain coherently what is wrong!

[And hello Theoddone - I think this is the first time anyone has said hello to me specially on MN - I am so excited !!!!]

Takver, I'm kind of with you really. We never really felt the need to have nights out when DS was a really really terrible sleeper. I would have felt guilty both for the babysitter and for DS to have done it when he was really bad. But I don't know, it's three and a half years on, expecting DC2 quite soon and I would like to have the option.

I wouldn't have a baby sitter under 16. A 17 or 18yr old is old enough to be married and have their own DCs, I am sure a sensible one could cope with a toddler waking up.