What do you do about evening babysitting when you don't have family on tap?

[Flyonthewindscreen]

We have 2 DCs (5 and 7). Our only family remotely nearby are DH's parents who live about a 25 minute drive away. They have our DC to stay at their house around 2-3 times a year so me and DH can go out/have a night off. We also ask them about 2-3 times a year for evening babysitting (i.e. them coming to our house). Althought they always agree to come on these rare occasions, you can tell they find it a PITA.

Has become an issue at the moment as have asked the ILs to babysit and hate feeling a nuisance.

I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a local teenager to babysit as I/my DC don't know any of them and we wouldn't use them often enough to build up a relationship.

My MIL often talks about the babysitting circle they used in their day (obviously hinting that this is what we should do). There isn't one where we live and I have been asking my schoolgate friends whether they would be interested in being part of one. But I haven't found anyone yet who is particularly keen. They seem to think it is a good idea but not for them, mainly because
A) They have family available to help so don't need to get into the kind of reciprocal relationship a circle would involve (majority of parents have at least one partner who is local so have grandparents to hand).
and/or
B) They would only want to leave their DC at night with family.

What do other MNetters do? or do you just not go out at night....

Now I would be quite happy with a younger babysitter - I leave dd with two 14 year olds - but only in the knowledge that their mum is next door and will help if needed! Very different in a small village IYKWIM - if I were in London I probably wouldn't leave my dd with anyone under the age of 35

My DS used to sit for friends of mine when he was a teenager, they were less than 100 yds away so knew that he could call on me if necessary. Teenagers do seem to get a very bad press, some of them are much more responsible and mature than some 35yr olds!

luckily im hitting point as long as my younger dc are in bed can leave eldest ds in charge if im out locally

didn't go out until the children were much older and happy to suggest who they would like to look after them.

What about asking staff at the local nurseries (that is how we found 2 of our sitters)? They are CRB checked and obviously experienced. Alternatively advertise at local college that does childcare course; again these students have to be crb checked because they do placements at nurseries, and then you follow up the references.

Apart from circumstances where a child has sn, or literally having NO money to go out, there are always ways round these things. We live 4 hours away from family, and friends round here have family so dont need to start a circle, so we did what I suggested above, and now have 2/3 regular sitters.

I could have written your Post RoseOfTheOrient!

My DS is 15 and I would trust him more than most adults. he has helped ( willingly) with DS2s care since he was tiny - Ds2 has severe SN and when we had DD he was 10 and happily changed nappies and fed her etc etc from the moment she was born.
Actually he gave her her first bath and put on her first nappy

He is very sensible. actually so are many of his friends. there are older gorls at dds school - including DS1s girlfriend who i would trust too
Common sense is not about the number of years you have been alive and there are a couple of people with their own babies andchildren who i would trust less.

I babysit for several families from when I was 13!

I am bit when I think about it now but my mum was a childminder and I was good with kids (better than with my own I sometimes think!).

We use the childminder's youngest daughter - 16 - she knows the kids and I know she will ring her mum if there's a problem.

She's coming tonight - I'm really looking forward to it and so are the boys.

However, we NEVER use her to "just" go out the 2 of us - tonight we are invited to friends.

DH thinks we see enough of each other as it is

Never been out since 1998.

I started babysitting in the late 80's. Back then children played out on the street - we lived in a cul-de-sac, so as a teenager I knew the other children (over 5's generally) in our street, as we all played together (to a certain extent) at weekends. I would also get to know the names of their younger siblings. As one of the teenagers... I was partly responsible for the safety of all the children playing in the street (this was an unwritten rule) so if a child fell over, I would comfort the child and escort them to their home. In some communities this sort of thing still happens, but alas in many areas it does not - thus local parents and children do not know the local teenagers.

When I was 16 I helped at Beavers and Cub Scouts - this was also a way that parents used to find out that I did evening babysitting. At the same time, I was also helping at a local pre-school (as I was only at college for 20 hours per week) thus parents of those pre-school children would find out that I did evening babysitting.

I would also advertise in a local newsagents, though that never got that much response - clearly it was far better when the child already knew me via pre-school / Beavers / Cub Scouts.

So to find local teenagers who may do evening babysitting, look at what activities your children attend... think about who is helping run those activities - any teenagers helping out? Those teenagers will already know your child and will probably have an Enhanced CRB check, plus the activity leader will be able to provide a reference.

Finding someone to care for a baby or toddler is much harder. You may need to go via agencies, or a local nanny. When considering agencies, do look at the TOTAL cost... as if you don't go out for very long, or very often, then the Membership and Bookings fees charged by an agency can make it more expensive than using a local nanny.

Out of interest, how many hours would you be using a babysitter for, typically? The parents I babysit for seem to average going out for 3 hours. Some will go out for longer, some will only only go out for two hours. Is that typical do you think, or is 4 hours more typical?

I pay and use an agency. It works wonderfully, but the only 'problem' is there is a 4 hour minimum which can sometimes present a dilemma. For instance, on Tuesday night, I need to go out for a meeting that will last probably 2.5 hours. I am considering asking a friend to meet me for a drink after the meeting so I don't have to pay for babysitting time I don't use.

Don't go out...

Actually, I do have a babysitter for the nights when I have to work from a local agency, but can't justify the cost for something that's not earning me money. I have friends over once DD is in bed, and do socialising with other families mainly. Babysitting circle would work for me, but like you KR none of my local friends with children sees the need.

My husband works funny shifts so its hard for me to pay back babysitting favours, so I find its easier to pay someone now. Tend to ask one of the staff from nursery, or sometimes our lodger does it (which is great, as then I don't need to tidy the house as she is used to it being in a mess!).

It is expensive though on top of the usual night out costs - plus the fact I often need one just to do parents evenings etc.