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Original poster

What do you do about evening babysitting when you don't have family on tap?

88 replies

Flyonthewindscreen · 14/03/2009 13:31

We have 2 DCs (5 and 7). Our only family remotely nearby are DH's parents who live about a 25 minute drive away. They have our DC to stay at their house around 2-3 times a year so me and DH can go out/have a night off. We also ask them about 2-3 times a year for evening babysitting (i.e. them coming to our house). Althought they always agree to come on these rare occasions, you can tell they find it a PITA.

Has become an issue at the moment as have asked the ILs to babysit and hate feeling a nuisance.

I wouldn't feel comfortable paying a local teenager to babysit as I/my DC don't know any of them and we wouldn't use them often enough to build up a relationship.

My MIL often talks about the babysitting circle they used in their day (obviously hinting that this is what we should do). There isn't one where we live and I have been asking my schoolgate friends whether they would be interested in being part of one. But I haven't found anyone yet who is particularly keen. They seem to think it is a good idea but not for them, mainly because
A) They have family available to help so don't need to get into the kind of reciprocal relationship a circle would involve (majority of parents have at least one partner who is local so have grandparents to hand).
and/or
B) They would only want to leave their DC at night with family.

What do other MNetters do? or do you just not go out at night....

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Portofino · 14/03/2009 18:19

We pay. When we were in the UK we had 2 or 3 teenagers and one of them was generally available. (DH's niece and friends' daughters - advantage of being older parents in that others have more grown up kids )

In Belgium, I advertised, and we were lucky to find a half English/half Belgium lady who is excellent with dd. We pay her a lot more though so don't go out nearly as often. Now dd is older i am on the look out for some more willing teenagers.

drowninginlaundry · 14/03/2009 18:19

We use www.sitters.co.uk or girls from DS2's nursery - no family around.

Christ, if my and DH couldn't ever get out of the house together for a glass of wine - or to see friends, or to birthday parties, or to cinema - this would be a very miserable family!

Babbity · 14/03/2009 18:21

We also use Sitters - they're great. Or our nanny - but our nanny charges more than Sitters

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pointydog · 14/03/2009 18:35

I joined a babysitting circle in teh first town I lived in.

I started a babysitting circle in the nect town with a few mums I knew. Token system, tit for tat.

pointydog · 14/03/2009 18:37

over the past couple of years, though, I just don't want to spend any of my spare time babysitting other people' kids. I am too busy. I would resent it terribly.

dh and I tend to socialise separately or we socialise as a family nw the dds are older. So I don't realy need a sitter any more.

wotulookinat · 14/03/2009 18:51

Nothing we haven't been out for two year, as a couple, without DS.

piscesmoon · 14/03/2009 18:55

Advertise-wotulookinat, you don't have to take anyone that you don't want-just thank them for coming to the interview but say that have chosen someone else. It is worth a try.

wotulookinat · 14/03/2009 18:56

Might just do that. It would have to be a dog lover too

nikki1978 · 26/03/2009 19:17

My god we seem to go out loads in comparison to most of you! To be fair we didn't go out much at all when my daughter was young as we were far from friends and family (except for my family but they were working 24/7). Now I have two kids (4 and 2) and for the last year we have gone out quite a lot as we moved back to where we came from. We do have the MIL nearby but she is a very busy lady so when she isn't around we have used friends or ours (some with kids and some without). If we needed to we would use an agency but I would feel more comfortable using someone I had never met (vetted or not) when the kids are a bit older I think. DH goes to the pub once a week with mates, I go out once a month with mates and we try to go out once (twice if lucky) a month either alone or with mates. We usually go out when the children are in bed (they go down at 7pm and you don't hear a peep from either of them all night so they are easy to look after). To be honest I think I would go mad if I didn't get to go out at least once a month and it is great to spend time away with DH too (yes we get the evenings together but getting out of the house alone together seems different somehow). We have been lucky enough to have two short breaks away in the last year too and those are great fun and soooo relaxing! I disagree with those who have said 'don't go out'. If you want to have time out together find a way - you deserve it after all There are lots of good agencies and you will be surprised how many friends would be happy to do it.

MmeLindt · 26/03/2009 19:25

When we lived in Germany we asked around the neighbours/friends and found a couple of lovely babysitters. Both of them were doing work placement in the DC's kindergarten, so were already known to them.

Since moving to Switzerland, we advertised in the local shop and were contacted by a local girl. She came to see us, bringing her mother with her, which we thought was great. She babysits every so often for us, not regularly but we try to go out together once or twice a month.

I think that it is important to do this and would rather just go out for a drink in the village with DH than go out for a meal with friends and save on the babysitter.

piscesmoon · 26/03/2009 19:36

Lots of teenagers are very responsible and perfectly nice! You can get to know them first-ask them around to play with your DC when you are in first and see how they get on before you leave them babysitting.

mullercorner · 26/03/2009 19:38

We are the same only have a sister who lives 30 miles away and was very enthusiastic when DS was born, couldnt get rid of her, now he's 4.2yrs novelty worn off and if we do ask for her to come over its the look on her face or the "Will have to let you know" so we dont ask anymore as it makes my blood boil. She didnt babysit when it was my 40th - anyway another story!!

We go out for lunch when ds is at pre-school - we spend at least 3 hours having a drink, 3 course lunch and chat for hours - its lovely. My nieve is 19 and she came last week - I was a little nervous but put ds to bed, then went out. He did wake whilst we were out, but she put him back, stayed with him and he was fine. I now know I can and will do it again but not all the time as she is 19 and enjoying life but she is very willing to do it when she can - bless her!

Try lunch its fun!

ssd · 26/03/2009 19:47

we hardly get out either, to pay for a night out and babysitting on top is too much for us, a cheap night out costs a lot when you pay another £20 to a babysitter

its crap, wish we had some family willing.....

traceybath · 26/03/2009 19:51

Another vote for sitters.

sazzerbear · 26/03/2009 19:55

luckily I have a few friends with toddlers of a similar age so we take it in turns - costs nothing! Still don't get to out much though!

piscesmoon · 26/03/2009 21:18

If you don't want to pay then you need to start a babysitting circle with neighbours. I have lived in several different places and always found one.

ssd · 27/03/2009 07:40

my neighbours and friends all have family nearby and don't need a babysitting circle, thats the problem

renaldo · 27/03/2009 07:47

we have had the same sitter for ten years once a week - a neighbour whose children have grown and she lokes the extra money
In my opinion the people I know with the happiest strongest marriages go out together regularly

christiana · 27/03/2009 07:52

Message withdrawn

EldonAve · 27/03/2009 07:56

we also use sitters

sarah293 · 27/03/2009 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

juuule · 27/03/2009 08:05

We just don't go out together.

SybilFaulty · 27/03/2009 08:13

I use my neighbour's cleaner, who has 5 kids if her own and quite likes coming here for the peace and quiet! My kids love her, she loves them and she deals with the (rare) crises brilliantly.

I've got my eye on the teenage boy over the road as a back up in case she is busy. I did loads of baby sitting as a teenager. If you get a reliable, sensible one I think it could work out well.

Some of my freimds use the nursery staff but round here they want £10/hour plus cab home so not really an option for me.

ZacharyQuack · 27/03/2009 08:19

I'm in a babysitting group. It works pretty well, we have the agreement that the children will be in bed when the sitter arrives and your main duty is to watch TV or read a book. Mind you, the oldest children in the group are only 5, so that may change as children get older and stay up later.

I also swap babysitting with a friend, every couple of weeks one couple will go out for a movie or dinner.

One of the drawbacks with getting other parents to babysit is that you can't stay out late as you know your babysitter will have to get up early the next morning. On the bright side it doesn't cost anything so you can go out for a cheap meal or film without breaking the bank.

ohdearwhatamess · 27/03/2009 08:40

We just don't ever go out.

Babysitting agencies don't seem to cover this area.
No local suitable teenagers (small village).
A babysitting circle idea was discussed but there was no interest. Other people either had family who helped out, had live-in nannies, or they didn't want to give up their weekend evenings with their dhs (its an area where dhs - and it is invariably dhs not dws - work long hours and have long commutes so weeknight going out is a no-go).