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Parenting

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Original poster

Would you leave your toddler for two weeks?

106 replies

pirin · 11/02/2009 14:19

I am travelling in march for two weeks without my son who is only 20 months old. He will be staying with his father and his grandmother will be with him during day time. I am sure he will be very well taken care of.

But I still don't want to leave him. You see, I've grown very fond of him in the past 20 months and we are a team, we do everything together. I know I am being a total wuss but I can't help it.

Did you leave your babies before? how was it? a total disaster or a guilty pleasure?

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Sails · 13/02/2009 21:22

I had absolutely no choice but to leave mine at 2 as after I had ds2 he was born extremely ill and had to be transferred to a hospital 70 miles away for an operation. We were away for 2 weeks and 1 day and it tore me up inside being away from ds1. Condition wasn't diagnosed until he was born so there was no preparing him either. I left him when I was in labour and said I'll be home tomorrow absolute latest and came home just over 2 weeks later with ds2. Not ideal to say the least! Woould never have chosen to leave him for that lenght of time though still wouldn't and he is 3 and a half now!

mosschops30 · 13/02/2009 21:32

I left my dc's for a week with their dad to go on holiday with my mum. I was devastated at leaving them but once I reached my 5 star hotel and started having some spa treatments my pain drifted away

However when I did it again I had a meltdown and couldnt get on the plane.

Go figure

hunnybun1981 · 13/02/2009 23:45

i couldnt leave mine no way i struggled for 3 days on honeymoon

r u going due to work commitments? i mean he will be with his dad

you will be sick with missing im so much trust me i didnt enjoy my honeymoon

but he is in good hands but be warned you will miss him

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cashmeremafia · 14/02/2009 05:08

We are currently moving house, shifting continents so I had to leave my 4 mths old with my parents, a 13hs flight away for 1 month. So very .

I miss baby every day and it feels like torture, but we just couldn't do this move with an infant. The packers have been in for 8h every day and there's boxes everywhere and constant noise and dirt.

I think you shouldn't be feeling bad about leaving your son. He'll have a fab time and you could always speak to him on fon/skype.

jkklpu · 14/02/2009 06:41

Will be really great for dp and grandmother. Set up Skype video phone before you go and you can call and see your lo any time. I've just had a week away from ds2 (15mo) and this made a massive difference. Also, get dp to post photos of what they're up to online (FaceBook, flickr, something like that) and you won't feel so distant. And remember, you might just enjoy some of it yourself.

FourArms · 14/02/2009 06:57

Cashmeremafia - that sounds really really hard.

OP - I'm sure your little one will be fine, and so will you. Just enjoy the time instead of spending it worrying about him.

I've only left DS1 for three nights, and it was very hard, but DS2 was having an op, so it was an emotional time anyway. Plus the 5 nights I spent in hospital giving birth to DS2, but I saw DS1 twice then, so that doesn't really count.

Dads do this all the time, and the kids are fine, so it should be the same for mums. Granted it's harder as you're with him all the time normally, so make sure your DH knows the weekday routines. It might make him appreciate what you do more (or not if granny does it all for him!)

clarabell16 · 14/02/2009 09:33

I would looovvve to, but these pesky 'feelings' would get in the way!! It would probably be harder on you rather than him, as he will be throughly spoilt by grandmother and dh. Could you go out there and see how long you can cope with the separation, you may surprise yourself. I whinge lots about having no time to myself, but when i do, after a few hours i start getting the cravings, thinking i can hear her cry etc etc. So much for all those fancy dreams of having my mother look after dd every saturday night....

independiente · 14/02/2009 09:58

Going to stick my neck out here and say that IMO babies/children have slightly different relationships with daddy and with mummy - and that's not a bad thing. I don't really understand the 'why should it be any different for mums' line. Of course it's different, especially if you're the main carer.
So I can totally understand your dilemma, and why you'd like to go. I really don't think your child will suffer any longterm emotional stress if you do go, and will have a loving Dad and Grandma there, but that's rationalising. And mother-child feelings tend to be more gut than rational!

mum4d · 14/02/2009 11:17

I think you're very brave, and I really admire you for planning this. I know exactly how you feel about the bond, and being a team. It took me till my DS was 3.1 years before I managed just one night away from him, and I had a 6 hour train journey north to do it!!
left him at home with DH, and they managed just fine - it was Hallowe'en!
my thoughts are with you!
It will make you all stronger. x

pamelat · 14/02/2009 11:45

I left my DD for 2 nights at both 5 and 6 months. I found the 2nd night hard but would do it again.

I appreciate that 2 nights is different to 2 weeks but really its the same "guilt" feeling. Selfishly I was on hen weekends!

DD did not miss me at all but I cried on day 2 on the second hen trip.

Its much harder for the mum than the child.

I would go if I were you. Can you call home, could you cut short your trip if need be, could your partner and child fly over for a few days?

onadietcokebreak · 14/02/2009 12:14

He will be fine and so will you be (once you have got over the guilt)

You are leaving him in good hands. AS he grows up he prob wont even remember you going away!

Totallyfloaty35 · 14/02/2009 16:49

Dont think i could do it for more than 3 days,however my dh is away for next 9wks,he is coping most of the time.DD3 who is 2 asks where he is about 5 times a day and has to speak to him on the phone every day but she is ok with it to.
If you have to go then DP &GP is the best people to leave your darling lo with,they to have lo best interests at heart

katedan · 14/02/2009 17:10

I was really interested in this post as I have just resigned from my job because they said I had to go on a two week course. It was hard as I had worked with the company for 14 years but Iknew that I would not be able to leave my DC that long (DS is 6 and DD's are 2). When DS was 2 I was away from him for 1 week as I had heart surgery the run up to it was far harder than the actual separation probably helped by the fact I was uncouncious for 3 days!!!

I think you have to discuss with your work if you have to go away for the whole time or as others have said take baby with you. Some parents are away alot (i.e armed forces etc) and their children cope but if there is anyway to get out of it I would. (not suggesting you resign as i did, my work were totally unflexable about it!)

beaufies · 14/02/2009 18:09

I have a four month old very precious baby boy and my husband and I are going away for a week when he is seven months and leaving him with my mum and sister.

He will have a fabulous time and so will I. I also think I will come back refreshed and with renewed enthusiasm and DH and I can spend some quality time together just like the old days. DH and I are so committed to this idea that we're booked up to do it all again six weeks later

I don't know whether having a toddler as opposed to a seven month old makes it easier or harder but I would have thought a fortnight away by that age would be fine, particularly with Dad and Granny around.

Enjoy the break !

poshtottie · 14/02/2009 18:24

I am a maternity nurse and am normally away for up to 5 days at a time. My ds is 2.5 and is home with dh. They have a lovely relationship and though I miss him dreadfully, I know he is fine.

kittywise · 14/02/2009 18:27

God , no way could I have left anyone mine at any point. Even the older ones now, no, a couple of days at the most.

cupofteaplease · 14/02/2009 18:56

I'm about to go away for my career for 26 days. My girls are 3 and 20 months. Luckily my mum is bringing my dc out for 16 days, so I'll only be without them for 10. I'm not looking forward to it, but it's a means to an end.

That said, I have always worked and used childcare, so the girls are used to being with other people.

Equally, I have enjoyed many nights away with friends etc. so the girls are used to mummy going away...but then she comes back! So they are actually very secure and never clingy, because they know I'll always be there in the end- I'm just not there all the time.

Luckily, I have no doubts about how much they love me, and how much I love them! I would never, ever judge another parent for how they conduct themselves either. If parents choose, and can, go away on their own as a couple- good for them!

themoon66 · 14/02/2009 18:58

I would, but I'd worry all the time I was away and likely not sleep very well

I didn't leave mine the first until she was 4 years 10 months. And then it was for only one night.

odisco · 15/02/2009 10:38

I'm also a researcher and left my 18 month old for 3 months to go to the states. It was a once in a liftetime opportunity that has undoubtably changed my career but even so it was hard. I have no problem (now) admitting that it was great and I don't regret a second. The hardest part was the last two weeks when I knew I was coming home soon and couldn't wait! My husband did all the childcare and was very appreciative of me for a very long time when I got back. They did come to see me for two weeks in the middle and I was home for a week so that spread it out a bit. He got more support than I usually do but they are so close now and it hasn't affected my relationship with her one iota. She has no recollection of events at all and there was pretty much no attachment problems when I got back. I would recommend a video call system like Skype as its great for kisses goodnight and lets you talk more naturally and probably helped with attachment.

Take the opportunity while you have it and go. Your child will appreciate a mother who gets up and goes!

iMum · 15/02/2009 10:40

"grown very fond of him"

Geepers · 15/02/2009 10:45

No way would I leave any of my children for that length of time. Anything over two nights would be too much I think, not only for me and the children, but for the people looking after them.

As their mother, I am used to the unrelenting style they have, and the endless needs. To expect a family member, even one I trust, to deal with them for two weeks without a break would be unreasonable and I think they would struggle.

Or maybe I just like to think I am wonderful and indispensible and no-one can do it as well as me ;)

Coldtits · 15/02/2009 10:49

If I had to, I could and I would - and for 2 nights I would have a whale of a time. I would spend the remainder of the trip crying, I think.

DS2 probably wouldn't care, though. He'd miss me but he loves his dad, he wouldn't be devastated.

LouMacca · 15/02/2009 11:50

No way. But then I have only ever left my 6 year old twins overnight at grandparents a handful of times.

SIL and friends think nothing of leaving their children with grandparents or friends for days/weeks at a time with no guilt.

We all think differently. Do what is right for you. I'm sure he coudn't be in better hands than with his dad and grandma.

BoysAreLikeZombies · 15/02/2009 11:57

If this was a man asking then there would not be this discussion.

pippylongstockings · 15/02/2009 15:30

Gosh - what alot of people giving negative posts about this.

Life goes on even if you have a child - yes you will miss him but you'll miss you husband too I would hope!!!!
He will be with his father and his grandmother, I can not think for one moment any party in this will have any lasting damage done to them.

I have been away several times for a week at a time due to work, and even away for 3 nights while still b/f. I am not some high-flyering career woman. I have a part-time job in a bank but sometimes those are the facts of life you have to be away. Don't be made to feel bad about it. Look on the positive - lie-ins, hotel stay etc.... and think how great it will be when you see him again.

In my experience my dog missed me more!

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