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Original poster

Would you leave your toddler for two weeks?

106 replies

pirin · 11/02/2009 14:19

I am travelling in march for two weeks without my son who is only 20 months old. He will be staying with his father and his grandmother will be with him during day time. I am sure he will be very well taken care of.

But I still don't want to leave him. You see, I've grown very fond of him in the past 20 months and we are a team, we do everything together. I know I am being a total wuss but I can't help it.

Did you leave your babies before? how was it? a total disaster or a guilty pleasure?

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littlefrog · 11/02/2009 21:34

I don't envy you one little bit, I'd hate to do that! I'm sure he'll be fine, but he will miss you, really miss you. Even if he can't articulate it. And you'll miss him. It's not a reason not to go if you weigh things up and decide it'd be really good career-wise, but I wouldn't pretend that it'll be just fine for everyone.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/02/2009 13:32

this is from a carers pov (im a nanny) and I do a lot of proxy parenting (having children 24/7 while parents are away for work or on holiday) i am PP 2 children at this moment (both asleep hence while im on mn)

you are leaving your son in the best possible care, ie relatives (not all parents have these, hence why i come in)

i know you will miss him, but i am 100% certian he will be fine with out you - it will be harder on you,rather than your child

this doesnt mean that your child doesnt love you,but that in this case and his age, it will be a case out out of sight, out of mind BECAUSE he is with people he know, loves and cares for

i think you should go on this trip,it will be good for your son to not be with you 100%, and it will be a good career move

please dont feel guilty, sure many dads dont if they go away for work

hope i havent offened you by writing this - i was just trying to make you see that your son will be ok, IF you decide to go away

nannyL · 12/02/2009 19:15

my ex-bosses left me (there nanny) with their boys for 2 weeks
they were 8years, 4years and 16 weeks old!

and we had NO COMMUNICATION at all for that time (strict instructions to only call of it was a genuine emergancy, and they were half way around the world)

i was 19 years old

the boys and i had a great time

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tribpot · 12/02/2009 19:23

Yes - as the others have said, you would be leaving him in the capable care of the best possible back-up team, dad and granny. He'll be absolutely fine I'm sure.

But I couldn't do it - no way, no how. I'm not criticising whatever choice you decide to make, I just think you need to be realistic about what you can bear. What would happen if it was too much after a few days or a week?

Would a week be doable? Or can your dp come with?

MarlaSinger · 12/02/2009 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nickytwotimes · 12/02/2009 19:28

If his Dad is with him, then it would be fine.

I know a couple who left their one year old for their fortnights honeymoon and, yes, I did judge them. This is totally different though.

Btw, I haven't left mine, but I would for a few nights or if I had a job which demanded it.

beforesunrise · 12/02/2009 19:35

you will be fine. he will be fine. you will still be a fantastic team even if you are away, he will be in HIS home with HIS dad and his grandma. you will miss him like hell, but hopefully you'll enjoy the stimulation that your business trip can offer.

i left dd1 for 3 nights to go to the US on a business trip when she was 2 years old, i missed her so much, but i realise looking back i could have left her longer.

you'll regret it if you don't go. seriously.

ohdearwhatamess · 12/02/2009 19:35

With father and granny - yes! Will be much harder for you than him.
This sort of thing is very good for fathers, and for father/child bonding, imo.

beforesunrise · 12/02/2009 19:38

btw- whatever you decide to do, walk with your head high. no one has the right to judge your choices!

hotCheeseBURNS · 12/02/2009 19:41

I left my almost three year old for a week to go on holiday with dp last year and missed him so much it was rubbish!

However, I think it depends on how busy you are/how much fun you're having because I left him for 5 days a few weeks later and didn't think twice about him because I was having so much fun!

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 12/02/2009 19:49

I have had opportunities to travel to several countries with work and passed them up because I dont want to travel and leave my DD. But to be fair, DH travels a lot and often is only home weekends, so I feel she needs a bit more stability, and it would upset her to be without me and DH iyswim

warthog · 12/02/2009 19:52

he will be fine.

you will be fine but you'll miss him. he won't be permanently damaged.

go and enjoy and when you come back you'll enjoy him all the more.

Tryharder · 12/02/2009 19:53

I am going on a course with work next month. It's only 5 days so not the same. I am leaving DS1 (aged 4) with gps and taking DS2 (who will be 9 months). I am also taking DC's nanny with us. But if I didnt have such good childcare then I wouldnt go and would give the excuse that I am still bf.

DS1 already looking forward to 5 days of being spoilt rotten and doing whatever he wants at his grandma's!

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/02/2009 19:54

elf - could you dh not cut back on travel or not travel when you need/ed to?

just seems a shame for mums who work not to go on a business trip IF they want to

hotcheeseburns - no harm in leaving your child - you must do it again and make sure you have fun

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/02/2009 19:55

tryharder - great that you have a fab nanny and gp's

enjoy your trip,just as no 1 will love being at gp's

DanJARMouse · 12/02/2009 19:57

My dad took DD! to scotland for 10 days when she was 13mnths old. TBH, I was 30 wks pg with DD2, knackered and hormotional, but it was great. We both got to re-charge. DH and I spent a week at Butlins doing spa type couply stuff, and DD1 loved it. Only thing I regret is she started walking that week....

ElfOnTheTopShelf · 12/02/2009 19:59

Unfortunately not, DH installs lifts and has to go where the work is, mainly in Scotland and London at the moment, so spends from Mon to Fri away. The travel I would do is added extras; I do go to the different UK branches, but stop short of going abroad, as its sometimes shuttling back and forth for six weeks.
Plus I'm terrified of flying!!

DD is three and she has never had a night out of the home, well, she's stopped at relatives but when we have been there too... DH tells me we need to let her stop out

RockinSockBunnies · 12/02/2009 20:44

I left DD for two and a bit weeks when she was 3.5 years.

I left her with my mother - she had a great time, I had a great time - no lasting damage!

It was strange seeing her again after that time as she seemed so much bigger than when I had left her.

I spoke to her regularly on the phone and that was fine. I'm lucky in that she's always been very adjustable and not clingy.

But I've always needed time to myself - I'm a lone parent and from time to time need some space to recharge my batteries!

If you're happy that your toddler will be well looked after then I'd certainly go for it.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/02/2009 20:56

i think ALL parents need some time to theirselves, whether single or not

even if just a night away to recapture romance if in a couple

im in kent, if anyone wants to hire me

MiaMamma · 13/02/2009 15:18

I would go!! I wouldn't enjoy holiday without DD (well..., maybe a romantic one with DH in Maldives) but if it's something to do with work and would be good for career I would do it. You have great people looking after him and he'd be fine with them.

longhardlookinthemirror · 13/02/2009 16:19

If it was me I would go but I would find it difficult for 2 weeks. It will be good for your dh to experience time with your lo on his own and of course you would miss them.

I went to NY with dh when my ds2 was around that age and it was absolutly fine. dc's were with gran and grandad and they too were fine (not so sure about gran and grandad tho!!).

I have to say I didn't miss them as much as I thought I would ...but then again I was too busy having a blast of a time!

blackrock · 13/02/2009 19:23

I think if you have your DC in the best possible hands and you prepare yourself, you can do it if you need to.

I left DS at 11 months for two nights, and missed him. Most importantly you have confidence in those caring for him.

shootfromthehip · 13/02/2009 19:27

I left my DD when she was 23 mths for a week- I went to Spain on hols with my Mum and left her with DH and his Mum. She was fine. I was fine. I missed her but also enjoyed being me again. I think if you are not going to waste your trip then you should go.

ThingOne · 13/02/2009 19:34

I would have found two weeks a stretch myself, tbh. I had to go into hospital for ten days when DS2 was about 18 months and it was a bit of a killer. He was a bit odd, as in surprised, by me and with me when I came out. So do expect some confused behaviour from your toddler. But my son was well looked after by daddy, grandma and his nanny and got over my absence quickly. Our nanny made a scrapbook of what they did while I was "away" which they enjoyed doing. I sobbed copiously when I read it but I think it helped them.

Libra · 13/02/2009 19:50

I agree with Cory - if your child is with your husband then all will be fine. They may enjoy it!

I have done this for work. So has DH.

We are both academics. During the summer we both go to long conferences. Sometimes we just exchange children at the airport. Both of us get to be away for a time, both of us get to be the sole carer for a time.

Both sides have their advantages. The joy of having a hotel bathroom to myself when the children were little! It was a wholly physical pleasure.

Sometimes it can be good to have a time when you are yourself again and not a mum.

And it's great coming back home as well (don't look at the mess).

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