anyone terrified to have another baby?

[desperatehousewife]

Loved being pregnant until the last couple of weeks of pre-eclampsia and bad experience in hospital for a week with induction, undiagnosed breech until last minute, tried to turn baby, baby in distress, culminating with an emergency c-section followed by all our stuff (wallet, mobile and camera) being nicked from our labour room. Then had PND I think for a long, long time, cried for months and felt hopeless a lot of the time.

Would love DS to have a sibling, but am really rather scared and not to say reluctant to go through it all again (I know I probaly would have a totally different experience - but can't be sure I wont' have pnd again and just hate those first few months). Am thinking seriously about trying to concieve in a couple of months time.

Anyone got any encouraging words of wisdom!!???

DH totally understand your feelings of being robbed of those first few months. I remember sitting behind the closed curtains in the hospital the day dd was born thinking "I don't feel anything". When I hear of people saying that they had all of these amazing feelings for their new born I thought what is wrong with me? I think Toothache is right it is an illness and as such needs treating. It frightens me that I may experience those feelings of desperation again some day but I know damn sure I have to do something about it and fast. Like you DH I wish I knew about Mumsnet back then. Take care xx

Sally C

how old is yours now?
I'm sorry you had a rough time of it too.
Do you want another?

Hi DH. DD was 2 in Feb. PND didn't really completely go until she was about 18 months I think. Yes I do want more kids but it does bother me- I don't ever want to feel that low and out of control again.

SC,

Did you watch Life before Birth...? That made me really want another one! I do think as with everything time is a great healer. And having had a bad experience once, means I will be a lot more vocal and confident second time round with doctors and midwives etc. I feel I really want to show myself I can do it. The biggest problem I think first time round is that you don't know what to expect - or how long each feeling will last - but to know that feeling low/out of control/dog tired/crying baby/not sleeping baby etc - that these are all phases and they do end.

Armed with this information, I think assuming it all goes well, it could infact be a bit of a breeze (she said in the loosest terms!)

Don't worry yet SC, you've only had 6 months of not feeling crap. Give yourself another 6 months and I'll bet you'll be gagging to do it again!

DH - I can really relate to what you are saying about obsessively tidying the house because it was the only thing you had control over. I had a very difficult time with dd1 because of all sorts of things, mainly what I think was undiagnosed PND and also intense difficulty with b/feeding. Was completely different 2nd time around - felt a lot more on top of it, and more of those 'bonding' feelings that I missed with my first one etc. I think mainly because I knew more what to expect and also felt like I knew where I could get help if I needed it (had made local contacts with b/f counsellor, mumsnet, etc.) and also felt like I knew enough to realise I needed help and that I should ask for it.
You are much better equipped 2nd time around...
Best of luck

Thanks JS - really good to hear. I had a nightmare BF as well - he would scream every time he saw my boob coming towards him (never experienced that with a bloke before!!) Certainly didn't help with the whole bonding experience.

DH - Glad to hear you're feeling more confident! I was pleasantly surprised at how little impact dd had on our lives when she arrived! Obviously she totally bowled us over and we love her, but she totally fitted in. And even the bad nights weren't so bad coz we know they don't last forever.

Good luck and have fun ttc!