When you were a child was being shouted at or smacked the worst and which has had a lasting effect on you?

[theresonlyme]

I remember being kicked and hit by my foster mother but apart from her complaining I always had my nose in a book and looked pasty, I don't really remember her shouting at me.

Being shouted at was worse for me. A slap I could deal with- and I was rarely slapped, let me tell you! I was rarely shouted at either, but words stayed with me far longer than a stinging backside.

I'm not pro smacking, but I get the shudders even now over some of my Dads "There are consequences far into the future, young lady" speeches.

I certainly remember the harsh speakings-to or trial-by-parental-suspicion more than smackings, although my parents were'nt particularly big on corporal punishment either - it was usually temper if it happened, which is why I avoid using it.

I'm not pro smacking, but I get the shudders even now over some of my Dads "There are consequences far into the future, young lady" speeches.

I certainly remember the harsh speakings-to or trial-by-parental-suspicion more than smackings, although my parents were'nt particularly big on corporal punishment either - it was usually temper if it happened, which is why I avoid using it.

I was only ever properly smacked once, but had the slapped wrist thing quite a few times but the shouting was far worse than that

My parents did both. I am now anti-smacking and anti-shouting. I honestly think shouting had a worse affect on me. Even now, I go cold inside if people are shouting.

My mum smacked and neither parent shouted. TBH I wish they had! Quietly furious rows are much scarier, it's so controlled. Much better to let it all out and get it over with .

Obviously it would be better if I did neither but atm I am shouting a lot. [ashamed]

We got very bad hammerings, kickings and the buckle end of a belt when we were young. My parents rarely raised their voice, in fact were quieter when we were about to get beaten.
Thank God my children have a completely different upbringing to ours.
I don't think it is something you ever really come to terms with.

I as smacked and shouted at on occasion but the worst for me was that if I did something v naughty my mum wouldnt speak to me at all for days - she could really hold a grudge. I occasionally shout at my kids but usually apologise afterwards and explain why I shouted, I have only smacked them to avert accident (hand going towards fire being smacked out of way) and I never hold a lasting grudge. I will never forget how my mum could hold a grudge - I had a starring role in a school musical and I worked hard on it for months but my mum didn't come because she was cross with me about chores

I was smacked, I was shouted at, I was given "bed punishment", "in your room punishment" and "outside the house" punishment, even in snow and subzero. I think I know about most of the punishments there is, and I remember crying on my front step freezing cold, my mum at the window just saying " your time is not up yet", and then she would eventually let me to the house/out of the bed/out of my room, without a word, and life would return to normal.
I remember being chased around the house by my mum brandishing a small branch of birch tree, that she kep in a cupboard for smacking my bare bottom or my bare back with. Nothing hurt like it, as it was soft, yet hard, and it was like a whip with multiple "branches". My bottom or back would be raw and red.

I dont think there is any punishment that is "worse" than any other. Shouting is bad, smacking is bad, and "elimination" is bad too. I remember them all equally. In hindsight. But what hurt the most physically was probably the birch, or the winter outdoors elimination punishment.

I do think they all carry consequences. I am possibly a less balanced person than I could be. I shout at my kids. I dont do any of the other things. But I am guilty as hell about that.

Shouting I think... my mum still does and it makes my blood run cold. Although the smacks weren't just smacks, but if they were then I think the shouting would have been the worst.

I'm with schneebly -- silent treatment the worst.

Smacking def. had a more profound effect on me - but it's not really a fair comparison because the smacking was also accompanied by lots of shouting too, IYSWIM.

I never minded if I'd done something wrong, cos I felt I deserved it, but it used to get to me so much (and still bothers me) that my mum often used to hit out of temper / fright If she was scared or stressed (say I was late out of school or missed my bus or something) that would really get her goat.

at some of these stories.
We got the occasional slap, and there was definitely the odd bit of shouting once we were old enough to be revolting and shout ourselves (8-9+ I'd say). I think they did a great job all told and we are still incredibly close.
Times have changed but am not anti a raised voice when the situation really demands. My children are still very young though.

Not by my parents but the ruler over the hand for colouring in a tree the wrong colour threetimes [at school] has stayed with me.

My (very lovely) mother's Gorgon stare, plus low, almost hissed "Don't you dare..." was generally enough to keep us in check. Not traumatic, but slight shudders of memory, like snigger's dad's "There are consequences far into the future, young lady" speeches" - I like that phrase, mind. It's very true. I think Mum's firm, fair and friendly method of discipline worked well, and left me and my sister as happy balanced people.

I remember alot of shouting

So from experience when I shout now I normally apolgise to dc's after if it was out of my own fustration I was shouting
I'm hoping that will make the difference

Although the more concious you are of it the less you will do it

Like plumbummum, I also shout of frustration. I do apologize after. But I am currently stressed, and my relationship with dh is not very good, so it has been more frequent, and I dont like myself very much at the moment.

It is a viscious circle. I did not feel that I was liked or loved as a child, with all those punishments going, and now, I am on the other side, doing the shouting, I dont feal I am a very much liked or loved mum.

I just dont seem able to curb it. Not like I swear or call them bad things, I just erupt over silly things, which seems immense at the moment. Like ds2 having decorated our new wooden floor with red crayons, throughout the room.

The shouting/swearing and frequent rages were marginally worse (I think). This was my dad btw, lone parent.

However the hitting was also horrid, especially when he (often) lost control. We were hit with a slipper on the backside. As I got to teenage years this made me feel really undignified.

I am massively anti-smacking and I hate shouting but do sometimes raise my voic.

Oh, and the frequent statement that he was hit as a child (the last time at age 22) and it "never did me any harm" Yeah, right.

I've told my kids if I'm shoutng over something silly they've to put me in the porch for time out

my dd1 thinks this is hilarious I think she thinks she will be able to put me there for 32mins

Thankfully I made this rule and have become less of a shouter
QS don't beat yourself up, I'm sure your dc's love you very much

I have asked them to tell me to go to another room and count to ten.

I had a horrible childhood. My natural mother hit me too. I am really struggling atm and are taking my frustrations and sadness out on my children. I am sure DS1 is behaving so shockingly because of me.

at these posts.

My lovely Mum has never raised her voice or he fist to anyone.

The other one - well, he's truly awful and should be imprisoned for what he's done/still doing.

don't think i'll ever really get over it ....why i would never lay a finger on my children.....i forgive my mum, she was only doing what she thought was "right"?