I know this is not a real problem <<twinset prepares for a good kicking as I have not had one on here for at least a week>> but it is hard when you have a child who wants to do everything and you have to say no as money is tight.

[twinsetandpearls]

I know saying no is not a bad thing and that she needs to learn money is not unlimited.

She already does horseriding and music lessons at school, but she used to do dance and drama before we moved as well as swimming and we have had to stop them.

I know I am sounding like a spoilt madam but it is so sad when they really want to do something and you know they are good at it and you have to say no.

oh god, don;t tell me.....we are having to cut down the childrens dancing stuff and it is heartbreaking.

they are still doing dancing, but the dance school has changed the payment methods to termly only, and when they ask for £546 per term it is crucifying.

the girls are being great tho.......they realise that it is not a complete STOP, but still.........with money being as it is, and other people not seeing it the same (IYGWIM), it hurts!

Oh god we did this recently although we COULD afford it , we thought that the organisation was taking the piss with what it was charging.
Told ds no and he was cool - totally got it.
This was county level sport.

You're not saying no for ever - just right now it's not possible. Talk to her about the tthings she will be able to do at school and university when she's older and maybe if you feel the need for programmed activities make one night library night or riding a bike night (yes even in the winter - obviously you have to go to) or cooking night? These won't cost very much if anything and will help her feel she's acquiring new skills.

Pyscho - £546 a term???? Is that for more than one child?

you can still do other things
nobody likes saying no
tis shit
but not the end of the world

I would give her the option and let her choose. I used to do jazz, tap and drama and absolutely adored it. Never considered the cost to my parents but didn't do any other activities.

It is great that your DCs don't sit in front of TV/playstation and want to do these activities so no, you don't sound like a spoilt madam but I think it is a vaulable lesson for them to learn they can't do everything

DD had a weep the other night about some stuff [4 yo, weight of the world on shoulders] and said 'we haven't enough pennies to buy the baby all the new things she needs, poor Daddy has no job and I haven't so much in my penny jar'

Rips the heart right out of you.

I'm glad she said it though, made me realise we need to say less [at this age] about money worries and adult things. She is too young to take it on board.

I have one of those really annoying golden children who are good at everything and like everything.

We chose the horseriding as she loved the riding and dancing equally but we get cheaper horseriding through the school so it seemed to make sense to take advantage of that.

DD dances from the moment she gets up to when she goes to sleep, she dances when she walks anywhere. There is a constant mutter of 5,6,7, from the corner of the room as she pracices yet another routine.

£546 a term!!

Dp and I have taken on some extra work so maybe she will be able to do one more activity.

She doesnt resent us for saying no, she knows times are hard but her face does crumple a bit.

Northern, yes, that is for the three girls.

break down was £221 for DD1, £186 for DD2 and whatever the remainder for DD3 (I am still confused by their invoice thing..............and the converstaions we had with the dance teacher mum was really hard work as she just could not understand why I was asking how they worked things out (but that is another thread entirely).

suffice to say we are going down a standing order route with a cut down of what they do......which makes us happy as we can afford it, and the girls happy (ish) as they are not stopping completely.

horrid feeling still tho. and we still need to find £400 for all three for the show (costumes and rehearsal fee's etc)

we've cancelled swiiming lessons. dd1 went from being a non-swimmer to 200m in weeks - it just clicked. i'm hoping it will just be this term, but for 3 dcs it was lessons=bankruptcy. the dance, however, continues... for now.

I know it is not forever Northern and I hope she knows that too.

I suppose because dp and I were never allowed to do any kind of activity it means a lot to us to say yes to dd.

We do other things to, dd and I sew and paint, she goes fishing with dp and she does lots of walking and photgraphy. Bike riding is also a great hit especially now dp has a bike and he can go with her.

Crikey pyscho - that makes my £53 for clarinet and £18 for 1/2 term drama look jolly good!

I have heard that shows etc are heart stoppingly expensive but it's pretty alarming when you see it written down - as I'm sure you've found!

Psycho are the girls involved in the dancing at the BIC?

no, not the BIC.

we are hoping for them to do 'A Chance To Dance' at the pavilion again tho this year....again depends on finances, but we have util 31st march to pay for that one.

shows are the killer I have to admit. it isn;t just the costumes....it is the DVD's to buy, tickets, rehearsal fee's, show programme, petrol ferrying them to rehearsals, and then food on top for the rehearsals and performances.....oh, and the pics of them in their show costumes. it all adds up.

that said, the show is the best bit out of the dancing.....we get to see them perform

That is another reason we chose the horseriding over the dancing, fewer extra costs.

I think you chose the right one twinset.

Oh-oh. We were just telling friends today that we have started dd on dancing but can't afford horse riding! Looks like we may have that wrong.....

We've cut down on our activities too and in many ways it is a good thing, they are focusing on the things they really enjoy rather than going through the motions.
I also think that in many ways we have to leave somethings for them to try as older children/adults too, I mean horseriding is quite difficulat if you don't know your left from right (which my 4 year old doesn't) so waiting a few years might not be a bad idea at all.

Oh, our dance school must be the real cheapo option; it's usually about 20 quid or so for material for the show. But they're supposed to be really good, and I believe they are (children from there regularly move on to the professional stage). Dd is hoping to be able to start gently doing dancing again instead of physio on Wednesday- I am so excited about this!

Can't afford horse-riding though dd would love to. I find it quite hard to keep having to refuse her things as her disability means there are so many cheap things (like going for a walk or kicking a ball around) that aren't really an option. But she understands. Though it does seem at the moment that school is the only entertainment she gets. Roll on Wednesday!

i breathed a bit of a sigh of relief when DD brought home a letter from her guitar teacher saying she wasn't teaching at school any more. is a shame that DD has to stop lessons but the extra £80 a term will come in handy elsewhere. although DD now has suggested she wants skating lessons instead. it is hard when you want to give them every opportunity to find their niche, or something they love or are good at.

I haven't reached that stage with dd yet, but I will just have to reference both mine and my DH's childhood. Neither of us did activities that cost much money (I had music lessons under a 'free instrument and tutition scheme', and did Judo/swimming. The only costs were the costumes). I imagine free music lessons are few and far between these days, so I would consider forking out if she really wanted to do stuff. DH and I have pretty much already ruled out horseriding due to expense (bfore she is even able to ask!) We are not on the breadline by any means, but nearly everyone has limits...and kids need to understand this as part of growing up.

Having to choose is part of life, though. And spending more time at home with the family isn't missing out - maybe it will give you all a chance to do more together. I don't think you sound spoilt at all though!

I sympathise twinset. Are there such things as dance lesson dvds she could practice with in the short term?