I know this is not a real problem <<twinset prepares for a good kicking as I have not had one on here for at least a week>> but it is hard when you have a child who wants to do everything and you have to say no as money is tight.

[twinsetandpearls]

I know saying no is not a bad thing and that she needs to learn money is not unlimited.

She already does horseriding and music lessons at school, but she used to do dance and drama before we moved as well as swimming and we have had to stop them.

I know I am sounding like a spoilt madam but it is so sad when they really want to do something and you know they are good at it and you have to say no.

Riding lessons useful (IMHO) because mucking-about-on-ponies (owned by those whose parents are farmers, mostly) is part of childhood around here, and you need to be able to ride to a certain level to be safe - I have no plans in going down the whole pony club route as (a) we can't afford it and (b) I don't have time for all the ferrying it involves.

Real shame about the riding for the disabled people, Riven - did they give any coherent reason why they couldn't at least work towards getting the equipment they would need for your DD? Various people I know have been involved in Riding for the Disabled and it does do wonders for the children in terms of balance/physical development but also in terms of self-esteem.

Dd is lucky in the fact that I work at Stagecoach so she goes there for free but even if it wern't at least I know that once the fees were paid that covers everything including performances and costumes. There is no charge to watch.

She does ballet as well and that costs £5.50 per 45 minute lesson. I don't think there are any extra show rehearsal costs with that but I know her costume will be about £20.

Dd would like to do horseriding and Little Gym but neither are an option. I always assumed that horseriding was a more expensive option than dance/drama but maybe I'm wrong. I have said to her that she has to choose what she really weants to do, then stick at it.

it's about £20 for 1/2 hour lesson for my 9yo - possible to pay a bit more or a bit less depending upon whether the lesson is 'shared' with others, how qualified the instructor is, whether on own (loan) pony or not

so it's admittedly not the cheapest activity in the world, but some places charge a lot more

Blimey, MM, we pay £11 for 30mins.

whereabouts are you?

I just started a thread about this in the tack room as feel am being a bit hijack-y and apols to twinset

at paying £600 a term for dance lessons.

That's almost £50/w for a 12-wk term!

I'd want a lot of hours for that much money (we pay £5 for 90 mins)

Many of the commercial drama outfits are a complete rip off.

Search your local libraray, or call the arts dept of your local council and ask for a list of subsidised arts organisations that do drama classes.

I appreciate that ballet is on it's own planet, but many theatres and arts centres have classes in drama or street dance that are far cheaper.

I wonder what these posh ballet schools are that people go to. Ours is supposed to be v good, but we pay a fraction of that money.

Our ballet classes are 5 pounds/hour and they seem pretty good. Some of these other fees

Ah well, mysterymoniker, people who can afford 20 quid a week for a leisure activity for their child are rich in my eyes. Not normal around here to be able to spend that much on leisure activities I wouldn't have thought.

I never normally say this but I havent read the whole thread but theres a reason why.

I'm hormonal and its tapped into one of my big guilts (am crying) that we can't afford for the children to do any of these sort of activities. I do try and do things with them, take them to the woods and climb trees (well I havent for a few months) and various other free things but I do think they're missing out.

Focus on what they DO get the opportunity to do and try and forget about what they don't I guess

Jesus my children are at LIPA and it's only £400 per term for three of them and frankly we're balking at that.
What on earth des £600 a term buy you, I'd want Darcey herself taking the ballet class.

I am convinced some of these places see people coming, like the plumber that looks at the car on your drive before giving you a price for central heating, they charge what they do because they can and people are daft enough to pay it, no doubt the little scout hut around the corner offers the same lessons for £3.

We did buy her a dance mat at Christmas and her best friend teaches her routines that she has learnt at school. DD has DVD and watches anything dance related that she can and will then go away and make up her own routines.

I am hoping she will go to the secondary school I teach at and they have a good dance department so she will have that to look forward to.

We do lots of free activities such as painting, walking and fishing which is freeish.

Her best friend does lots of activities and owns a horse so she does compare herself to her, but dd can see that although we do less activities and we do not own a horse she does have a parent at home and we live in a nice house.

Over the holidays she did lots of drama and dance workshops and she really does shine on stage. Everyone who knows us comments on the fact that she is a drama queen, forever pulling faces, mimicing people or dancing. I dont know if she is particularly gifted or it is just a passion but I do feel guilty that I cant afford to indulge this love of dance and the stage.

Our riding lessons are subsidised as we get them through the school, we pay £70 a half term.

DD best friend who owns a horse is by no means rich, her mum is a hairdresser and am not sure what her dad does but they live in a very normal ex council house and drive a car very similar to ours. They must just prioritise there money differently. This is an area where people have horses or other animals.

Twinset, how about putting a very positive slant on it. - DD, you've been so busy with xyz, now we're going to have some mum-and-me time and research flower arranging/ different art styles/ how tv programmes are made/ etc at the library (or whatever)

And then set a weekly 'date' with her, so that the 2 of you do this, followed by hot chocolate at a cafe. But regularly each week.

But to make you feel less sad, there's nothing to suggest that if she can re-start some of the activities at a later date, she'll have missed out and will never catch up. Maybe she could even look into new activities herself as well - encouraging her to think more widely?

Yes that is how I need to view it blue and dd loves it when we do things togther.

Is dd an only? My dd always manages the guilt trip 'mummy, we never spend any time with just us'

no darling, you have 2 siblings and I'm feeling bad enough already...

I'm also shocked atdance prices.

DD's former dance teacher (DD has stopped due to other commitments but went for 4-5 years) grew up in a not v wealthy area of Liverpool and one of her aims is t make dance affordable. No class was more than 2.50; if you couldn't get to class you didn't pay. Montlhy payment preferred but if you didn't make it, credit carried forward. Shows - every two years, big production at city concert hall. 2-3 dances per child so 2-3 costumes, around £12 per costume. Payments spread across the year. Alternating with exam years.

When DD left, we were quite flush financially so I gave teacher a sum of cash to do with what she thought would be useful. Apparently - I heard through one of her helpers - she was quite shocked/horrified at first but read my accompanying card which explained hwo her payment policy had helped us in the past, and then she gave it as a bursary to one of her 'graduates' who was heading off to dance school. Which is exactly what I thought she'd do!

God I am just having to get my head round this. And everything they do I think they NEED to do, to balance out the rest of their lives. Like music, for instance. I think it's a necessity not a luxury, cos they don't do enough in school. And dd1 has issues that mean it's really important for her to do all this creative stuff. For her mental health.

We have always been in 2nd hand clothes, 2nd hand books.........now trying to do the whole food economy thing rather than cut classes.

I do realise that some children love formal activities. However it seems to me it's not that hard for children to be creative and active without all these formal classes. My 3 dds are endlessly creative. Mostly at home. Constant craft and art production, various theatrical productions. Lots of roller skating and bike riding and other physical activities.

Also, we use the school clubs a lot for activities - they are free, or practically so. Ours is only a small village primary but my dds have done (not all at the same time but over the last 2 years) drama, dance, music, choir, art, sewing, puzzle, football, circuits clubs. And they performed in the village panto. All of this costs virtually nothing.

I think you can look around a bit for cheaper ways of encouraging children's interests.

DD1's ballet class is £3 per hour and is one of the best in town.

And you lot think the North is rubbish [tsk]

honestly you should all move it will save you a fortune.

Lots of things you can provide at home, loveless. How about a weekly sing-song evening? Or starting a recorder group together. Not everything that is creative has to be organised and paid for.

My DH got made redundant on Friday so this may be something we need to face up to in the near future. My DCs are younger though at 3.7 and 1.9 - that said, the younger one has Tumble Tots and a music group plus various local playgroups. The older one has swimming and Little Kickers with daddy on a Sat. I agree that 2 or 3 things a week seems plenty. I have friends who DCs do loads of various activities and the DCs seem to be permanently knackered!! Going forward I will focus on what they want to do rather than forcing some agenda... I hope!

1 thing I would say though (and apologies if I offend...) is that swimming is so important that I would make sure I find the money for that. Not necessarily for years but just until the kids are swimming say 200-400m. It's such a vital life skill IMHO.

God this reminds of when I told my parents that i didn't want to be a guide (when I soooooo did) because I though that they couldn't afford the uniform. My mum is mortified now when I tell her

As a freelance music teacher, I would say that if you are genuinely struggling to pay, tell the teacher!! If your kid is as gifted as you've been led to believe, they will carry on teaching at a reduced rate or even for free in order not to waste talent. I've had several students I've chosen to keep teaching for 1/2 fees because I know they could miss out on conservatoire auditions etc. if they stop playing at the wrong time. My teacher did it for me when I was 16, and I bet I'm not the only one who would happily 'pay it forward'.