I know this is not a real problem <<twinset prepares for a good kicking as I have not had one on here for at least a week>> but it is hard when you have a child who wants to do everything and you have to say no as money is tight.

[twinsetandpearls]

I know saying no is not a bad thing and that she needs to learn money is not unlimited.

She already does horseriding and music lessons at school, but she used to do dance and drama before we moved as well as swimming and we have had to stop them.

I know I am sounding like a spoilt madam but it is so sad when they really want to do something and you know they are good at it and you have to say no.

Can I just say I had a fab music teacher who picked me up from school, fed me sometimes and only took a fraction of what she should charge as my dad was on his own. She was fab and helped us tremdously

Just read the OP, so not sure what everyone else has said.

TSAP, you say it's not a 'real' problem and I think I know what you mean by that. However, it doesn't mean we don't/wont lose sleep over it.
My Ds used to have a half hour swimming lesson every week which I had to stop him from doing 2 years ago after Dd was born. He now no longer does football either, so he literally does nothing. I really do feel for him, but he is very good about it and even though I was going to try to scrape together the money for footie this term, he told me he didn't want to do it. I know that he really did. I also know that he knows that I'm trying to pay for his school journey this year.

Things will get better

It is interesting to see the difference in prices people pay for activities for kids. We are in the North West and DD does modern dance class for 45 mins, swimming for half an hour and gymnastics for 1.5 hours. That adds upto a total of £11.50 a week - but is paid termly, and only the dancing does not occur during holidays. I have noticed that the class numbers have been getting smaller over the past few months, which may be monetary concerns or possibly the age of the kids - year 2.

I agree that swimming is a life skill that I would gladly pay for over everything else, but the others can go by the wayside. I have put aside the cash to pay for her lessons for all of 2009, due to a windfal, and hopefully things will work out by then, as I was looking for her to drop one of her activities by choice not by me telling her we cant afford it.

THere are plenty of clubs around here, and I see other parents running around after kids for hours every evening, so we are lucky that two of the three DD does are early morning at the weekend - so allows us to still have a weekend!

DD is an only child and we do a lot with her. I dont think that by doing extra activities she would lose out on doing things with us.

We do lots of cheap or free things with us from sewing and painting with me, walking and taking photographs to her fishing with dp. But she is also a child who loves the more formal classes.

I am sure your dd has a great life, twinset, but if you deal with it gently it does them no harm to see that money is not unlimited.

I remember that money was frequently tight during my childhood, but it became a family joke, something that tied us together, so I certainly don't feel deprived by it.

My dd would love to do horse-riding and no doubt it would be educational (and good for her back), but it is equally educational to understand why she can't do it. So I'm trying not to yearn too much. (a bit hard because I can see that she has a tougher childhood than mine- but then that must happen to some people).

We do a half an hour swimming lesson for £3.50 a week and its brilliant.

I agree, when money is tight cut back and do free stuff together, and if you don't have the skill try to improve a bit through practise with a library step by step book giving your child the dift of resiliance cannot be bad.

Step up the formal stuff when money is less tight, cancel the less skilled stuff and least favourite.

Have you got a Brownie group close by TWAP- I think they are brilliant for kids as they offer so much for such a small initial and weekly investment.

Not sure about the horse riding thing.. I don't know one end of a horse from t'other and got to feeling very intimidated by horsey pony club mothers with tow bars. I felt like I was shelling out £15 for an hour with no visible payback other than dd's enjoyment and the prospect of paying this for some years to come.

So instead of the riding we do netball, swimming, guides and cricket for the same cost.

But don't you find that 'entertaining themselves' generally means a plastic box with a controller unit/computer games/TV?
I wouldn't dream of letting my 10yo Ds out into the street here. He's not a bit street wise and has been walking himself to and from school for just a couple of months now and I'm a wreck waiting for him to get home. The children around here are not particularly 'nice' children IYGWIM. Ds is very soft/sensitive.

solo on Thu 22-Jan-09 00:54:40
"But don't you find that 'entertaining themselves' generally means a plastic box with a controller unit/computer games/TV? "

Isn't that up to you as a parent to decide? If you provide a plastic box/computer games/TBV and don't limit his time on them, then yes very likely. But there is absolutely nothing that says you have to.

My children don't have any access to computer games at home and only limited access to the TV; they still manage to keep themselves entertained.

twinset.. you sound like a very sensible mum to me ...

Ds is just 3 so we dont have activities like this to say no but I do understand as we have to do this on a smaller scale

eg this morning ds wanted to go to softplay but I dont get paid till next week so I've had to say mummy doesnt have pennies today but you can go to the science centre (we have an annual ticket) or local free museum and take a picnic

I know you feel bad right now .. but dont you are doing your best by your kids.

Twinset, I know how you feel. DD1 started gymnastics last summer and has proved to be very good and has progressed quickly through the groups to the top group. From there she was asked to attend extra classes, which obviously cost more and I was struggling to pay.

She has now been invited (not sure if that's the right word) to join the British Gymnastic Squad. I am so proud of her and she is chuffed, but the cost of the extra training, plus the kit she now needs and added onto that the cost of competitions (staying over in hotels too) is getting a bit much. I asked her dad if he wouyld pay half with me, but he has said that paying for his wedding (not to me) is more important.

I can't say no to her, she obviously has a talent. Not sure how I'm going to find the extra money though.

I would find it harder in a case like Jeanie's where a child has an obvious unusual talent: you almost feel responsible for nurturing it. That one is hard. Thankfully, most of our children don't have them...

Only read the OP, and you title it 'Not a real problem'. It is becoming a real problem here - we haven't stopped any activities yet, but they are getting increasingly harder to finance and I am worried.

Jeanie have you asked the club/squad if there is any financial help available? How old is DD?

Stealth- I haven't asked them. I only realised this could be a possibility from this thread. She is next at squad trainig tonight, so will ask then. She is 10.7 by the way.

Good luck with that, Jeanie.

Cory, my children have a fairly big age difference, 10 and 2 ~ boy and girl. Playing together gets a bit tedious for him after a while and he reads lots, both to Dd and to himself.
Ds plays for a limited time on his PS2 and DSlite, he doesn't watch much TV really and he's far more mature than the average 10yo.
My ability to walk far is limited due to ill health, so walking to the park(especially in Winter)is not a goer really...
Any suggestions as to what else I could do with him/them of a school evening? I'd love some ideas.

my dd does
Monday - Modern
Tuesday - Ballet & Tap

3 x 45 min lessons - Nanny pays £150 per term
(grade 3)
When there is a show it's no extra for rehearsals, but £20 per class for costumes - so thats £60 for ME to pay

Thursday - tutor £25 (child allowance pays)
Friday - Guides £14 a term
Drama £32 per 10 weeks (about to start)

DS is just 3 and not in nursery, so I feel that I feel that he needs to go to a few classes so that he's not missing out. But where I live, they are so, so expensive. He went for a trial class at the Little Gym (Westfield) which he loved. But the classes cost £18 each, and you have to sign up for 22 weeks, so they were asking £400 plus a joining fee. I was and thought that was just way too much.

He's goes to a couple of others that are less expensive and the park and making stuff at home costs v.little, but there is no doubt, it is bloody pricey.

solo on Thu 22-Jan-09 16:17:05
"Cory, my children have a fairly big age difference, 10 and 2 ~ boy and girl. Playing together gets a bit tedious for him after a while and he reads lots, both to Dd and to himself.
Ds plays for a limited time on his PS2 and DSlite, he doesn't watch much TV really and he's far more mature than the average 10yo.
My ability to walk far is limited due to ill health, so walking to the park(especially in Winter)is not a goer really...
Any suggestions as to what else I could do with him/them of a school evening? I'd love some ideas. "

Just trying to think what my dd does. She is 12 (so was 10 not that long ago). 4 years age gap between her and younger brother. She can't do many outdoor activities due to ill health and disability. She reads a lot, mainly to herself. She writes stories. She has penfriends and writes to them. She does art. Her homework takes a bit of time now she is in secondary, as they do a lot of projects. She does dancing in the hall when well enough.

Little brother (8) spends a lot of time kicking a football in the hall, practising his somersaults in the hall, drawing,playing the occasional card or board game when anyone has the time. He puts music on and dances. If he seemed bored, I would teach him to knit: that's what my Mum did with my brothers. He plays an instrument. We have a little recorder group together. Sometimes we do singsongs.

We also have a small patio where we have set him up with a netball stand; he spends hours practising on that.

Ok. Well, I have to literally rip the books from him to go to sleep, so reading is always in hand.
Ball games are banned in the house. He can knit but has no patience for it. He has had two different instruments/lessons that have wasted money I didn't have to waste. His idea of writing a 'long' story would be a page! May look into penfriendship, but I know he'd want to turn it into an internet one!
He's really intelligent and gets bord very quickly which is half his problem...my garden was vandalised over a period of around 12 years and I gave up on it. Now there is very high fencing along the fence line, but I've no money/strength or get up and go to get it sorted out now sadly

Thanks for the ideas cory.

I think my attitude would be that you have to stay bored until you can be bothered to get your act together. Time limits on the TV/computer stay what they are, I sometimes have time to talk to you/play games with you, we do do things together as a family, one or two activities we can afford, the rest of the time it is your choice if you want to be bored or not.

Can't truthfully say that ds is never bored- but frankly, I think that is more his problem than mine.

Solo - I have two of that age and whilst one will do his own thang ( he's somewhere in the house now but I couldn't tell you where) the other is a whirling dervish.
She loves organised activities. She would do one every day and all the weekend if she could but I refuse. You might think I'm mean because money is not an issue for us but I think even at this age she needs to realise Mum and Dad are not a cash machine.
So that leaves the htorny issue of what to do with the little beggar. Here a some suggestions that have worked for us.

• singing in choirs. This is often free.
• theatre companies. Not those expensive franchise bollocks. Just a local am dram group that meets once a week and does read throughs and puts on a show twice a year. DD is taking part in one at the moment. Pinter it aint but she loves it.

-some team sports have a yearly membership fee of less than twenty quid. Footie, hockey,cross country.

When at home:

1. An electric guitar. You really, really don't need lessons, just a teach yourself CD that you can play along with. What kid doesn't want to be a rock star?
2. Jigsaws. 2000 pieces anyone?
3. Suduko, crosswords, wordsearches.

4.If you have a video or digi camera kids of that age can learn how to make montages and short films that they can post on Youtube etc.

1. Chess against the computor, ditto Monopoly and Poker ( though you may have misgivings about the later).

And if all else fails ask them to make the tea. Kids like cooking and by that age can follow recipes.

I may look into an am dram group, I used to help run one for local kids and dd loved it, thanks litchick.

We do all the other things bar the chess that you suggest, and she has electric guitar lessons through school which dd tops up.

The thing with her dancing is it seems to be the thing that she is passionate about. She does dance from morning until night.