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Original poster

How would you feel if your son/daughter was gay?

110 replies

morningpaper · 31/03/2005 21:08

How would you feel if your son or daughter was gay?

I've had several friends make comments which imply that this would devastate them, which I find really odd. Why would people feel like that, in this day and age? Is it just homophobia?

It has also devastated a family I know who have found out that their 20 year-old daughter is gay.

Personally if dd was a lesbian, the only thing that comes to mind is 'thank goodness she won't get pregnant by mistake.'

How would you feel and why?

OP posts:
suedonim · 01/04/2005 14:09

Caligula, my ds1 has emigrated to LA and so we get to see him very infrequently. He has married into a Jewish family and fortunately they are lovely people and have been as inclusive of us as possible. My other son has a Muslim girlfriend and I suspect they will marry eventually. So dh and I have been on a steep learning curve these past few years.

I guess it would be the same if one of them had turned out to be gay. You take it on board; you mull it over; you find answers to Q's you have and so on. But in the end you just love them for being them, whatever that entails.

I've known that my neighbour's 17yo son is gay for some time now but he only told his mother quite recently. She is reportedly not best pleased and rather upset about it, though as the subject is never raISED, i DON'T KNOW (Oops!) her exact concerns. Another person I know has fallen out with several of her friends because they know her dd is gay and the mother thinks it should be a private thing. But the girl wrote an article in her university newspaper about being gay so it's hardly a state secret, fgs!

ks · 01/04/2005 14:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Fimbo · 01/04/2005 14:13

Gay/Straight? What does it matter what happens later in life, they are my kids and I love them and as long as they are happy, dh & I will be too. Although if my dm is still around she may have something to say.................

marthamoo · 01/04/2005 14:18

It's fine with me (and with dh - I know because I asked him the other night after suzywong and I covered this very subject on msn - startingly prescient of her!) But I would worry that they would come up against homophobia. That's just a parental thing - wanting your children to have an 'easy' life - to be universally accepted and not have to face down criticism or aggression for any reason. And I know, logically, that that isn't possible - whatever their sexual preferences - and that I can't 'protect' them from life or wrap them up permanently in cotton wool.

It's academic isn't it, anyway? If they are, they are. I love them unconditionally.

marthamoo · 01/04/2005 14:20

I'd worry if they joined the Police force too. I worry. That's what I do.

suzywong · 02/04/2005 11:12

Hey that's a good pharse MM, but please don't try and make out we're mates, you know what the rest of the mob think about cliques

tiffini · 02/04/2005 11:49

it would not worry me a bit, i would just hope they feel they could tell me

Seona1973 · 02/04/2005 13:05

It wouldnt really bother me. My brother is gay and I remember him telling me that when I was 16. I laughed at first cos I thought he was joking but when I realised he was serious I just accepted it. I remember going to a couple of gay clubs with him when I was younger which was quite good as he was buying all the drinks!!

I would just hope that they find someone to treat them well and make them happy regardless of the sex of their partner.

micha26 · 02/04/2005 13:28

I think, as with all hypothetical questions, its very hard to predict your reactions.

However, worry or not, they will do anyway what they need/want to do.

So, I think its best to find a way to arrange with things, as I surely wouldn't want to risk to fall out with my kids.

If I had a choice I would rather them being gay then become drug dealers

Amanda3266 · 02/04/2005 14:25

Wouldn't mind if he was gay. I have gay friends. On the other hand these friends say it's still a very homophobic world and that it's easier not to be gay.
More than anything I just hope he'd be able to tell me. Hubby feels the same way.

serenity · 02/04/2005 14:28

As long as they are happy I don't mind what they are.

However at the moment I don't really want to have to think about them having sex with anyone for at least another 15/20 years!

RnB · 02/04/2005 15:51

Message withdrawn

Tortington · 02/04/2005 17:30

no grandkids wouldn't bother me one jot. if one of my kids were gay i would be extatic as i have someone to go to Brighton on a night out with - not on a regular basis but now and again - a kind of pity outing for mother

winnie · 02/04/2005 22:46

Scummymummy

craaazy · 03/09/2006 00:15

My DD has recently told me she is a lesbian. I could not care less, except she is being bullied at school because of it. She will not deny it or back down, but is self harming. She is only 11 and my heart breaks for her....

Amanda1 · 03/09/2006 00:18

Message withdrawn

Bugmum · 03/09/2006 12:13

Before I had my DS, I knew neither I nor DP would care what his/her sexuality would turn out to be; now I have had him, I really know this. All that matters to me is that someone loves him, sees how fantastic and special and precious he is. There is too little love in the world to start worrying about where it comes from, as long as it does. My son is only 19 months old, but I can't see my need for him to be loved changing.

Craaazy - your poor little girl. I agree with Amanda: if she isn't having counselling, that needs to be a first port of call. Brave child!

fattiemumma · 03/09/2006 12:17

RnB - was slightly taken a back by your statement!

I have enough problems with DS (asd!!!!) so to be honest i would be happy thathe was happy...far more important things for me to worry about.

as for DD....she is such an independant little madame i'd be gratefull someone wanted to live with her

noddyholder · 03/09/2006 12:20

I would be quite delighted secretly that I was somehow exotic by association.I have spent most of ds's childhood worrying that he may have inherited my awful health so his sexuality is somehow way down the list tbh

Charleesunnysunsun · 03/09/2006 12:21

I would be fine if DS wanted to be gay and treat him the same as i would if he wasn't. As long as he's happy i'm happy.

Also i would have a safe sex talk with him about using condoms with the growing aid's problem among gay men but i would have the safe sex talk with whatever child i had whatever sexual prefrence they had.

NomDePlume · 03/09/2006 12:25

I hope I'd be perfectly fine with it if any of my children were homosexual. I grew up knowing gay people (my Mum's best friend was a lesbian), so it has never been an issue for me. Obviously I can't tell you what my initial reaction would be until I'm in that situation, none of us can answer for certain. I think DH would find it harder to deal with, not because he is homophobic, but because he had a much more traditional upbringing than I did and although he knows a cpl of gay people, I think it'd be more of a shock to him than it would be to me. Although that is not to say that I think DH would not accept it and be happy for our kids, I'm sure he would, but I think he'd find it harder to get his head around initially.

I suspect both DH and I would experience a degree of concern about how other people treated our child as a result of their sexual preference and I guess there would be an element of mourning for the grandchildren/ traditional family that we'd envisaged. Again, that's not to say I'm/we're against gay people having children but it's often not as straight forward (pardon the pun) as a heterosexual couple concieving and raising children.

compo · 03/09/2006 12:26

I would be fine about it and know that my dh would be too. I have quite a few gay friends. However I know that our families - including both sets of parents, and my siblings would be horrified and assume that we were devastated which would make me so

misdee · 03/09/2006 12:29

i wouldnt care, as long my kids are healthy thats all that matters.serious illness would devestate me more than sexuality tbh.

ANAconda · 03/09/2006 12:51

following this thread with interest. I am queer and would much prefer DS (12 weeks) to be straight because i know how much harder it is to be gay. also, people would assume he was gay because of us, and finally, I want to be a grandma some day! i don't think i'll get my wish though - he loves Brbra Streisand and happily sits on my lap watching "queer eye for the straight guy" (US version - who likes the english version??? -as if)

hermykne · 03/09/2006 12:58

having a gay dad and growing up with that from 11, i dont know really if i'd be selflessly happy if either of mine told me they were.

i dont know....