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Original poster

How would you feel if your son/daughter was gay?

110 replies

morningpaper · 31/03/2005 21:08

How would you feel if your son or daughter was gay?

I've had several friends make comments which imply that this would devastate them, which I find really odd. Why would people feel like that, in this day and age? Is it just homophobia?

It has also devastated a family I know who have found out that their 20 year-old daughter is gay.

Personally if dd was a lesbian, the only thing that comes to mind is 'thank goodness she won't get pregnant by mistake.'

How would you feel and why?

OP posts:
suzywong · 01/04/2005 04:19

I would be sad that they would probably not get to enjoy children of their own and would constantly be fearful of homophobic attacks but would love my sons and accept their lifestyle and friends.

However would definitely spit the bullet if they chose the mysoginsitic drag queen path, as I find that offensive and superficial and rather full of aggresion. And no bumless chaps when they are visiting their grandmother

Discuss

triceratops · 01/04/2005 09:19

I would be worried about him and that he may find things more difficult than if he had been straight, but it is not as though it is a choice is it? Anyone who had a problem with it would have to fight me

Beetroot · 01/04/2005 09:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

aloha · 01/04/2005 09:21

I'd love them just the same, of course, and support them 100% and want them to find happiness, but I suspect I would - being their mum - worry a bit about their living in a world which is still not terribly supportive of gay people.

Fio2 · 01/04/2005 09:23

I wouldnt mind. But it is easy to say and differnet to accept

LGJ · 01/04/2005 09:25

Happy if they were happy and happy that they felt they could tell me.

15 years ago, an aunt had a six month long attack of the vapours, when she was told that her DD was a lesbian. Now DD and her partner are just routinely referred to as X and Y, and it is no big deal, they are part of the family unit and that is just that.

Oh, how society has moved on.

bobbybob · 01/04/2005 09:26

There are lots of things which would devastate me. My ds being gay is not one of them.

SeaShells · 01/04/2005 09:29

I would feel exactly the same as if they were straight! All that matters to me is that my children are happy in their lives.

Newbarnsleygirl · 01/04/2005 09:32

I wouldn't have a problem with it. I would worry about the discrimination side and how other people would react.
I think if we had a DS though I couldn't say the same for DH. I think he might have issues with it.

wild · 01/04/2005 09:37

he would still be same, I would be the same
He would disappoint my expectations if he came out as an estate agent or a Young Conservative but I expect I'd learn to live with it

wild · 01/04/2005 09:39

ds loves my sisters' make up and says he wants to 'sweep, with a ladies' brush' when he grows up
he also loves football and tractors

joash · 01/04/2005 09:44

Last year DD1 finally agreed to go out with a young woman that she had known as a friend for some time. This woman had asked her out on a number of occasions and DD clearly stated that she was straight and although she liked this woman as a friend - there couldn't be anything else in the relationship. Anyway, to cut it short - they now live together (as a couple) and to be honest, I have never seen DD1 so happy. She has had relationships with men - a couple quite committed and she lived with one in particular for almost 2 years.

Our family have gained so much, not only from DD's total change of character (miserable and negative - to extremely happy and a very positive outlook), but from the fact that we have a fabulous, stunningly beautiful, intelligent daughter in law - who would literally do anything for anybody. They love each other very much and are fully committed to spending their lives together.

I am puzzled by this opinion of thinking that lesbianism = no pregnancies/children/grandchildren - although DD and her DP don't want children, it doesn't automaticaly follow that they might never have any, and anyway, I am a little perturbed at the prospect of some parents seeing their children as 'brood mares'. Surely what matters is that they are happy and content in their lives and relationships.

GhostofNatt · 01/04/2005 09:46

If my boys were gay couold stop worrying about being the sort of nother-in-law who gets moaned about on MN, although i suppose i could be that sort of mother-in-law to a male partner, hmmm

Arabica · 01/04/2005 11:58

I'd be delighted if DS found a loving happy relationship--wouldn't care whether with a man or a woman, that's entirely up to him. Glad he is growing up at a time when gay/bi relationships are treated with a little more respect and understanding.

Caligula · 01/04/2005 12:19

Joash I think it's a bit ott to describe the expectation of grandchildren as seeing one's DD's as "brood-mares".

It is perfectly reasonable to expect to be a grandmother, just as it is perfectly reasonable to expect to be a mother. Doesn't mean of course, that it will happen, but to expect it is normal - reproduction is.

GhostofNatt · 01/04/2005 12:20

I suppose if the boys are gay they won't wnat to marry me any more, but I guess they will grow out of that either way...

Nemo1977 · 01/04/2005 12:20

I wouldnt mind if ds was gay at all...its up to him who he is with as long as he is happy and healthy who am i to tell him who he can enjoy 'relations' with...for dh and pil it may be a different story tho

joash · 01/04/2005 12:57

Hi caligula - I didn't mean it in that way. I was just saying that I think it's odd to 'expect' to be made a grandparent, as if it is our right. There is enough pressure on young people nowadays (particularly young women) without the added pressure that some parents place on their adult children about producing grandchildren. If you re-read my post, I did say 'some parents' (as in not all).

Caligula · 01/04/2005 13:04

Fair enough!

Original poster
morningpaper · 01/04/2005 13:05

I think it's more of a hope than an expectation?

OP posts:
Caligula · 01/04/2005 13:25

I think it's both.

80% of women have children, so I figure I've got an 80% chance of being a grandmother (no other factors being involved).

The odds are good!

jenkel · 01/04/2005 13:32

Right, dont lynch me but I am being honest.

I would try really really had to be supportive, but I would be concerned as they would not lead a life that I could understand, they would not lead a life similar to mine, my parents, my friends etc - leave home, get married, have kids etc. I wouldnt be able to 'get inside their head' to understand how they feel. But saying all that I would try really hard to be supportive and of course I would love them whatever they decided to do with their life.

Caligula · 01/04/2005 13:39

I don't think that's an unreasonable position. I'd feel the same if my child told me they were going to emigrate, or join a Buddhist commune or become a Tory activist - they'd be leading a life I didn't understand, so I'd be uncomfortable about it, but I guess I'd try and accept it. (Except maybe the Tory activism )

TBH, I'd be far more upset if one of my kids told me they were going to emigrate to a place where I'd never see them again or be properly part of their lives.

milge · 01/04/2005 13:41

I would be sad for myself and happy that they were able to be honest with me. A gay lifestyle is not one i would chose for either of my kids, but if either of them are gay i would want them to be true to themselves.

Metrobaby · 01/04/2005 14:02

I wouldn't have a problem with it either and would be as supportive as I could. I'd be happy that they felt they could tell me. There are far far worse things that could happen.